I heard my downstairs door open and was surprised to see Brit and Precious. She put the cat from hell down and Precious walked over and lay down by Duke. He opened one eye to see what was going on and went back to sleep. She was a different cat when Brit was around.
“Why isn’t she hissing at me?” I asked.
“Because I’m here. Bryan and Brock were mean to her when she was a kitten. She doesn’t trust men.”
I wish she hadn’t told me that. I had little tolerance of anyone who would abuse an animal, and by Precious’s reactions, they must have been hard on her. Then again, Precious was mean to everyone. I wondered if she was just evil.
“I hate to ask, but why is she in my apartment?”
“I was hoping you’d let her stay here while we have the party,” Brit said hopefully.
“No way, she’ll turn into something evil as soon as you leave, and Duke and I will be trying to find her secret hiding place all night.”
“Put her in the crate,” Brit suggested.
“I’m not falling for that one. You put her in the crate,” I said, then realized I had just agreed to keep Duke’s nemesis for the night.
“Mona said you had to come and help set up,” she told me as she put her cat behind bars.
MOM CAME HOME AS BRYAN and I hauled the Callahans’ couch into our garage. Mom looked at us and squinted. I think she tried to read our minds. Bryan broke under her scrutiny.
“David said it was okay,” he blurted.
Mom turned her look to me. I just stared at her. Mom decided to go to the Callahans’ to see what was going on. Bryan got a panicked look.
“Take a deep breath. It’s only my mom,” I assured him.
“Dude, it’s your mom!”
“She’s going to talk to your sister and Mona. We’re just the help. Mom will want to talk to the people in charge.”
He didn’t seem assured, for some reason. I just shrugged and we went back to find Mom talking to all the girls.
“When I was in college, we made a killer garbage-can punch,” Mom said, and then gave them the directions on how to make it.
“No alcohol?” Mona asked.
“We put Everclear in it, but ...”—Mom paused for dramatic effect—“there will be none in this punch. You’re all underage.”
“This is going to be the worst party ever,” Bryan moaned after my mom went home.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get rid of my mom and dad,” I assured him.
I called Dad.
“Dad, Buddy ...” I started.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing, I was hoping you could take Mom out for dinner tonight and maybe dancing afterwards.”
“Really, why would I want to do that?” he asked.
“Wow, if you need to ask, I don’t know what to say.”
He wasn’t buying it.
“Come clean, or I’ll have your mom get it out of you,” he said.
“The Callahans are having a party.”
“And?”
“Mom told them no booze.”
“So, you want me to take your mother out so she doesn’t drop in and bust the party,” he deduced.
“I hadn’t thought of that, but this could be a side benefit to you spending quality time with the woman who bore you two wonderful boys.”
“I don’t know. I know how much your mother enjoys her opportunities to make you uncomfortable.”
“I’ll pay.”
“Now we’re talking. There’s a little bed-and-breakfast over in Crystal Oaks I’ve wanted to go to.”
“You’re the best, Dad,” I said and hung up.
Mona kissed me on the cheek.
“Nicely done. I need $400.”
I gave her a confused look.
“You need to pay for the beer and Everclear,” she told me, as if I was mentally challenged.
“And I’m buying because ...?”
“It was your idea. Just be happy the Callahans volunteered their house,” she said as she held out her hand.
Between Mona and my dad, tonight was going to cost me some serious money. I gave up and handed her the cash. I’d been to several parties Mona was a part of and had never paid to get in. I hoped this covered my party entry fee for a while.
BRYAN AND BROCK BROKE out the grill and made hot dogs and hamburgers for everyone who helped set up. Duke had assisted, so he was eating the leftovers. The alcohol finally arrived. They had a couple of sleeves of plastic shot glasses, cases of beer, gallon jugs of orange juice, Jagermeister, Red Bull and Everclear. The beer was warm, so Brock went to get ice. I went to our house and found our large coolers. I also brought over my five-gallon Igloo water dispenser I used for Gatorade. The girls wanted it to make the punch in.
When Brock came back, we loaded the coolers with beer and then dumped ice on them. Mona got the hose, put water in the coolers, and then added salt. She explained they would get the beer colder faster than just dumping ice on top.
Mona then made the punch. She dumped in half a bag of ice and then added equal parts orange juice and Kool-Aid Tropical Punch. Mona added a bottle of Everclear to the mix. I designated myself the taste-tester. It was actually very good. I found punch at parties wasn’t very consistent, taste-wise. With this batch, you couldn’t taste the alcohol. People would have to be careful or we’d end up with some very drunk party animals.
Mona then went and made pitchers of 8-Balls. This was a 4-to-1 ratio of Red Bull and Jagermeister. She added ice to keep it cold. She gave me a shot to try. I needed to stay far away from Mona tonight or she was going to get me wasted. I had lost my tolerance to alcohol over the past two years and could feel a pleasant buzz coming on after what I’d already drunk. I went into the backyard and ate another hamburger to slow my buzz.
I was relaxing with my hound at my feet when a police officer came out back.
“Hey, Billy, grab a burger and beer and take a load off,” I said.
“Sorry, I’m on duty, so no beer,” Billy Delaney told me.
Billy and I knew each other through my brother and because he worked security at most of our games. He was a good guy. I wasn’t surprised to see him tonight, but it was earlier than I expected. Brit made him up a plate and found him a Coke.
We talked baseball while he ate. He hadn’t heard we’d lost today. I told him he should arrest Mike for his bonehead plays. Then he got around to telling why he was here.
“Word gets around, and it looks like there might be a party here tonight with underage drinking.”
I looked around and then leaned into him so only he could hear.
“I think it might have already started. You want me to point out the offenders?” I asked him.
“Not really. It’s too much paperwork and a waste of time. I’ll leave you alone if you work with me.”
“Just name it,” I told him.
“No drinking and driving, no peeing in the neighbor’s bushes, and the music has to be off by one a.m.,” he said, counting off with his fingers.
“Can we pee in our own bushes?” I teased him.
“If you do, I’ll be back,” he said in his best Terminator voice.
“Yes, sir.”
“Okay, be safe and have fun,” he told me as he left.
Mona and the Callahan triplets all heard him.
“You are now officially in charge of the police at all my parties,” Mona said.
The triplets all nodded in agreement.
I WAS KICKED BACK, drinking a beer with Jeff, Alan, Mike, Jim and Tim. We were talking about guy stuff when Lily came out with an extra beer. Since there were no seats, she sat on my lap and handed me a new one.
“Thanks,” I told her.
She turned in my lap and gave me a serious kiss.
“What was that for?” I asked.