“You’re saying I’m mad at everyone because I’m a teenager,” I said.
“Basically, yes. I also said you really felt that way. They’re honest feelings.”
“Okay, wise one, how would an adult have handled this? Better yet, what should I do?”
“If I was your psychologist, which I am, I’d turn this back on you and ask what you thought you should do. We would have about ten sessions, and I’d charge you out the nose because I know you make more money than I do.”
“Now who’s feeling put out?” I teased.
“Very good, David, you picked up on that. Did I sound reasonable in my complaint?”
“No, you sounded like a jerk only worried about yourself ... OH, BITE ME!”
He did a good job of not laughing at me.
“Let me give you a different perspective on each of your complaints. Let’s start with your lunch friends. I take it they’re all teenage girls.”
“Yes,” I confirmed.
“They teased you because they like you. Was it mean? Probably, but they’re teenage girls. Their job is to torment you. They’re trying to figure out how to get boys to notice them, so they’re practicing on you. I’ll guarantee you they’ll do other boneheaded things in the future.”
“But I hate the games.”
“Yes, your makeup is such you’ll resist allowing anyone to try and control you. They’ll learn if you give them the chance. I honestly don’t think your friends did it to hurt you. They had some juicy scoop on the one guy they all like. It was just too good for them not to share it.”
“Oh, please, I think of them as my little sisters.”
“I would bet none of them think of you as their big brother. Yes, they want to be protected. They’re also full of hormones.”
“You’re saying they weren’t intentionally being hurtful.”
“No, they may be intentionally hurtful. What I’m saying is they like you and they’re trying to get your attention. Sometimes their attempts won’t be pleasant. Why do little boys pull girls’ hair?” he asked as an example.
“I guess I should just let them all have their way with me.”
“I didn’t say that, either. You’re just being a pain in the ass right now. If you really wanted to be with them, you would already have been. I’m sure you have valid reasons why you haven’t. I’m just telling you why they would do what they did.”
“I get it, but what about Alan and Jeff?”
“You’re not going to like this answer, but it’s because they’re teenagers. They have poor impulse control. Your friend Alan I could write a book about. You seriously didn’t think you telling him ‘no’ was going to stop him, did you?” he asked.
I thought about it and realized I should have talked to him about it instead of ordering him to back off. That was like waving a red cape in front of an angry bull. I’d have better luck telling Tami I had a secret and then keeping it.
“I guess not,” I conceded.
“They’re learning as they go. Do you believe that next time Jeff will fold to Alan’s pressure? He lost a girlfriend. Don’t you think Alan feels awful, now that he sees what’s happened?”
I hadn’t thought about that.
“Okay, now let’s deal with your role in all this. You’re a teenager, and you talk your friends into participating in something like this. In what universe is that even remotely acceptable?”
I hadn’t expected him to chew me out. I was a little stunned.
“I didn’t force anybody,” I said in my defense.
He sighed.
“Don’t you think your parents and I know that? If we even suspected you had, there would have been more serious consequences. Look, David, people look up to you, and will follow your lead. You have to be mindful of your responsibility. I don’t think any of them would have been there if you hadn’t suggested it.”
Tracy and Mona might have, but I knew Jeff and Sammie wouldn’t have been. I wasn’t sure about some of them. The group that concerned me the most was Jim, Wolf and Cassidy. That was a train wreck just waiting to happen. I wasn’t sure what had happened in my room that night, but I could tell it was eating at Wolf. I would bet Jim was no better off.
“If I could do it over again, I’m not sure I would have done anything differently,” I admitted.
“To be honest, I’m not surprised. I was hoping we’d be having this conversation when you were in college, and not now. I’m not going to stick my head in the sand and hope this’ll never happen again; I know for a fact it will. Just make sure you only invite people you think can handle something like this.
“Now, I also want to talk to you about your need to confess, and take all the responsibility on yourself. A good leader will shield his team as much as possible. He’ll stand out front and take the bad. When the good happens, he’ll push his team forward. That’s all in the public eye. In private, you need to make it clear how you feel about their actions.”
“I should ground them all?” I asked.
“Why not? They all reaped the benefits. Why shouldn’t they share the consequences?” he asked.
I just didn’t see it happening.
“I doubt they’d go along with it."
“Then why did you take all the responsibility? Being on a team, or having a friendship, is a two-way street. It’s not about you always giving. If your friends are only willing to stand by you in the good times and abandon you in the bad, are they really friends? Can you really count on them when you need them?”
“I see what you’re saying, but I still don’t see them grounding themselves. I was the one who confessed. My actions caused my grounding.”
I heard him chuckle. I hated him sometimes. If I had just kept my mouth shut, I would never have been grounded. I knew if I’d been confronted with it, I would have told the truth. Lying never solved anything. I could see his point, though. If I was going to stand up, and take the blame, I needed to make sure I was doing it for people who deserved my loyalty. Did all of them deserve it? Probably not ... but enough of those who’d been there did, so I didn’t regret it.
The other side to this was, why did I go looking to confess? If I had stopped, and talked to everyone, Tracy’s plan would have worked without me opening my big mouth. He was right from the beginning. I was being a whiny teenager.
“Okay, you had your fun. Can you talk to the warden for me? I asked.
“Sure, put your mom on.”
I went and got her. She gave me back my car keys and debit card, signifying the official end of my being grounded. I grabbed the pizza the assistant manager had sent Greg, and heated it up. It was the best breakfast I’d had all week.
Monday November 17
I WAS WAITING OUT FRONT of the school, minding my own business, when Pam Bell decided she needed to show Tracy a new cheer she’d been working on. It involved a lot of hip thrusts and bending over so I could see down her shirt. Her subtle teasing wasn’t so subtle anymore.
“You are such a perv,” Peggy said as she walked up and kissed my cheek.
“You think Pam is sexy, don’t you?” I asked.
“I suppose you think we should have a threesome.”
“Wow, you’re the best girlfriend ever. I would never have thought of that. Let’s go ask her,” I suggested.
“I think you’re all talk,” she challenged me.
I grabbed her hand and pulled her over to where Pam and Tracy were chatting.
“Hi, Pam. Peggy and I were just commenting on how sexy you are,” I said, and they both went red.
Tracy covered her mouth to keep from laughing.
“Peggy wanted me to ask ...”
“DAVID! STOP!” Peggy ordered me. She then turned to Pam. “He’s a dork. Ignore him.”
“But I thought ...”
She kissed me to shut me up. It was one of those kisses that was filled with promise. I winked at Pam as Peggy tried to distract me. The bell rang, ending my fun for the morning. Peggy and I followed Pam and Tracy into the school. Damn.