Feeling just as evil as the men that had plugged poor little Allison into the
computers in the first place, Gabriel pushed himself to his feet, refusing to look at what remained of her as he turned and walked away. He could beat himself up later, for now, there was work to be done.
“Let’s get this over with. I really hope the Apostle’s nowhere near the
containment controls. Because if she’s anywhere near as strong as Kari, I don’t think I’ll be able to fight her off. You saw how she cut bullets right out of the air with her sword.”
Chapter 38: The Apostle’s Resolve
In her early years, the Apostle of Cain thought that she hated small, enclosed spaces. While not learning to fight or paying devotion to Cain, she’d been kept in a tiny cage like an animal with barely enough room to breathe. After leaving, much to her annoyance and frustration, she discovered that she felt most at home in small dark places.
She could find her calm center more easily, and order her thoughts.
Hugging her knees tightly to her chest in the dark, the Apostle examined the
doubt that the last few hours had placed in her mind. Even after stuffing herself into a cramped storage cupboard to think, she was afraid. No stranger to fear, she’d embraced it as a constant companion on the World Closest to Perdition, but this was different, deeper, darker, more helpless. It was like the fear that had gripped her as her body moved against her will toward the Eye of Perdition.
Under the Council, her mind was the only thing they could not take from her, but Cain had taken even that much, violating her most private refuge from the horrors of her life. She’d thought him only an observer watching through her eyes, but now she could see that some of her actions and thoughts had not been her own. She could see Cain’s subtle manipulations.
She did not know whether to curse or bless Jonathan for alerting her to it. He’d tackled her to the ground, cutting into her with his words rather than his sword, cutting her unlike any wound she’d ever taken before. Throwing him off and dashing through the doorway of lightning, she’d refused to believe, but now she knew the truth. She was little more than a puppet dancing on Cain’s strings, and had been all along. Everything she’d done, every thought in her head, Cain manipulated everything.
The Apostle did not know how to feel about this. She hated the thought that she’d been used, but it did not change the fact that the ideas Cain had planted in her were what had gotten her here in the first place. She was in the past. She could return to the World Closest to Perdition and stop the Council. There was one thing holding her back.
A small voice in the back of her head pleaded for her to stop. A month ago she might not have heard it, or known what it was, but after draining the blood and memories from a human, she’d become more than what she’d been. He lived on as part of her. All of what he had been was now within her. She had a conscience, the ability to tell right from wrong. That was the reason the Council never told her she had to drink blood to survive. They were afraid she’d learn to be human.
Though small and quiet, that little voice screamed for her to listen. And she did.
If Cain was as evil and clever as Jonathan claimed, and he’d been guiding her actions all along, what would happen if she enacted her revenge against the Council? He wanted it as badly as she did. It sent a shiver down her spine to the tip of her tail. What had she almost blindly done in the name of avenging the other Subjects?
Pressing on her mind like a tangible weight, Cain tried to crush her thoughts away from her. Fighting with all her fear and hatred, she could feel his presence bearing down on her mind. Everything she had was not enough. It was like trying to divert a mighty river with only her bare hands.
“You will not have me,” the Apostle growled. “My body and mind are my own!”
Is that what you think?
Gasping, the Apostle felt her blood run cold at the sound of Cain’s voice. She knew that she was far enough from the World Closest to Perdition that he shouldn’t be able to speak directly into her mind without meditation. Had he only been playing with her, basking in her groveling to him? Could he speak to her at any time, and on any world he wished?
“Get out of my head!”
You belonged to me before you were born, and you will be mine until the day that you die. You exist because I created you.
“Then I will kill myself and be free of you.”
Will you? How will you avenge those that died to make you my Apostle if you are dead?
Growling, the Apostle ground her teeth. She knew that she could break Cain’s
control over her. She was the strongest Subject. Her mind and body would be her own once more, and Cain would pay for the invasion, for raping her mind.
Grappling inside of her own skull, the Apostle fought for control of her own body, and began to remember times when Cain had taken control without her realizing it, but there was a strange cast to the memories. Seeming normal on the surface, on closer examination they were foggy and brittle, a thin veneer atop the real memories of Cain’s manipulations. A flood of horrible things rushed through the holes in the film of falsity that Cain had used to cover himself.
She was so confused. What was she even doing here? She knew that Cain had
arranged for the doorway of lighting that brought her here, but she could not think of why. Something strange was happening. Why had Cain bothered to give her exactly what she wanted? He was the kind of master that never gave scraps to a servant without an ulterior motive.
Gasping, the Apostle made the most horrifying realization of all. It had never been her idea to seek out time travel. That came straight from Cain. He’d been manipulating her from the very beginning, so subtly that she’d never even noticed. She began to question everything she’d ever done in her entire life, before and after leaving her home world. Had her mind ever belonged to her? Did that mean the blood of the other Subjects was on his hands rather than hers?
“You want to be here so badly,” the Apostle gasped, exerting all of her will
against Cain’s pressure on her mind. “I’ll leave, and by the rules of this crystal, I’ll never be able to come back!”
Reaching for the crystal around her neck, the Apostle’s hand stopped short.
Straining with all of her might, she fought to reach it until her vision turned red, her muscles shook, and she felt lightheaded. Her hand would not move a single hair closer.
You will do as you are told, little wolf. That is why you killed all of your brothers and sisters, is it not? To become my Apostle? To do my bidding? You gave yourself to me willingly. You will never be free.
Overwhelming her, the pressure in her mind increased, crushing every thought
and desire into dust. Then it grew stronger still, pressing down until she thought she might pop. Still, it increased, obliterating all conscious thought, leaving room only for Cain’s mad laughter. Some small part of her managed to hold on, clinging to sanity by a fingernail.
Appearing before her eyes, she saw Cain. Long, blonde hair framed a face that was blacker than night. The blackness seemed to ooze and seethe like a living entity clinging to his flesh like tar. It was far darker than any natural skin coloring she had ever seen before. As his eyes bored into her soul, she wanted to scream.
You will do my bidding, and you will be rewarded for it. I made that deal with you long ago, my little wolf. We are so close. We’ve come so far. This is the end of the road. Do this one thing more, and you will have your reward.