"I'll keep the parents in mind," Jesse said, "if the kid turns up missing."
"They didn't press it," Sunny said. "They asked if maybe I could find her and talk with her."
"The Renewal is not exactly secret," Jesse said. "How come they don't know where to find her?"
"I think the whole thing scares them," Sunny said.
Jesse nodded.
"Do you have any reason to think the Renewal is dangerous?" Sunny said.
"No."
"People are scared by things they don't understand," Sunny said.
"Yep."
"You know what else I think?" Sunny said.
"No," Jesse said. "I don't."
Sunny made a face at him.
"I think they're scared of the kid," she said.
"Physically?"
Sunny shook her head.
"No," she said. "I think they don't want her to be mad at them."
"I would have guessed she might be a little mad at them already," Jesse said.
"Leaving home and joining an unorthodox religious group?" Sunny said.
"Seems like there might be some sort of anger in there."
"Rebellion?" Sunny said. "Yes, I suppose. Maybe it's justified."
"Maybe it is," Jesse said.
"You're a big help."
"I try," Jesse said.
"So, where do I find this group?" Sunny said.
"Down near the Gray Gull," Jesse said. "I'll take you down."
Sunny looked at her watch.
"Good heavens, where does the time go," she said. "It's noon."
"Lunch?" Jesse said.
"It's right near the Gray Gull anyway," Sunny said.
"Sure," Jesse said.
"We can eat lunch and head over to the Renewal."
"Spike work the lunch hour?" Jesse said.
"Lunch is a little early for Spike to be up," Sunny said. "But you and I are enough."
"Funny you should show up so close to lunch," Jesse said.
"I'm a bear for timing," Sunny said. "You mind?"
"No," Jesse said. "I like it."
4
THEY HAD ICED TEA and lobster rolls. Jesse had french fries with his. Sunny didn't. Sitting across the table from him, Sunny studied Jesse. He was very much of a piece, she thought, like Richie. Compact, graceful, all his movements both precise and easy.
He looks so perfectly integrated, she thought.
"Anything from Jenn?" she said.
Jesse shook his head.
"We're not in touch," he said.
"She's really gone?" Sunny said.
"She's really gone," Jesse said.
"How do you feel about that?"
Jesse shook his head.
"You and Dix," he said. "We've both had too much shrinkage."
"Clever dodge," Sunny said.
Jesse nodded.
"Okay," he said. "I'll talk about it if you want. But afterwards you gotta talk about Richie."
"God, you're tough," Sunny said.
"Of course," Jesse said. "I'm the chief of police."
He ate a french fry.
"Okay," Sunny said.
Jesse nodded.
"Whaddya want to know?" he said.
"How you feel about her being gone?"
"Part of her I miss," Jesse said. "Part of her was-still is, I guess-simply sensational. Funny, charming, smart, quick, loving, sexy. It's the part of her I loved-probably still love, I guess. I'll probably always miss that."
"Of course you will," Sunny said. "Anyone would…"
"But finally, I guess, it came with too much else."
"Like?"
"The desperate need to be… what? Important?" Jesse said. "Successful? Special?"
"The need to be noticed?" Sunny said.
"Yes," Jesse said. "It ate her up, and she couldn't seem to overcome it."
"You know why?"
"Why she needed to be noticed?" Jesse said.
"Yes."
"No."
"Does she?" Sunny said.
"I don't know," Jesse said. "She still needs it."
"And you were not enough," Sunny said.
Jesse drank most of his iced tea and gestured to the waitress. She poured him some more. He added some sugar and drank another swallow and looked at Sunny.
"No," he said. "I wasn't."
"Does that bother you?"
"That I wasn't enough?" Jesse said.
Sunny nodded.
"A lot," Jesse said.
"Think it's why you drink?" Sunny said.
Jesse was silent for a moment, looking at his iced tea.
"I think I always drank too much," Jesse said. "But it got away from me when Jenn and I started having problems."
"How you doing now?"
"Pretty good," Jesse said. "Normally I have a couple at night after work, before I have supper. I haven't been drunk for a long time."
Sunny reached across and patted his hand.
"Why do you-" she said.
Jesse's cell phone rang.
"Excuse me," he said, and answered it.
He listened for a moment.
"Okay," he said. "I'll come along."
He looked at Sunny.
"Business?" she said.
"Yes."
"Go ahead," Sunny said. "I'll take care of the check."
"That doesn't seem right," Jesse said.
"Spike has never charged me for a meal," Sunny said. "I sign the check, and he tears it up."
Jesse stood.
"Boston, too?"
"Boston," Sunny said, "here, doesn't matter. Spike loves me."
"Maybe I should try that," he said.
"Spike doesn't love you," Sunny said.
"But he does you?" Jesse said.
"Totally," Sunny said.
"Spike's gay," Jesse said.
"True," Sunny said. "So he doesn't want to have sex, but he loves me."
"Some men might do both," Jesse said.
"Anyone in mind?"
"We'll talk," Jesse said. "You had a question before the phone rang?"
"It can wait," Sunny said. "Go be chief of police."
"I'm always the chief of police," Jesse said.
"Even in a dressing room in a boutique on Rodeo Drive?" Jesse smiled.
"Except then," he said.
5
SUNNY DECIDED TO VISIT the Renewal on her own. She had an address, and she knew it was in the neighborhood. She walked up the low-rise of Front Street from the wharf, along the harbor front. Jesse was so much like her ex-husband. Both of them contained, and interior, and physically competent. Both of them, maybe, a little dangerous. Her father was like that, too. She smiled.
What a coincidence, I'm attracted to men like my father.
But all that competence and grace, she thought, was exterior, and inside-confusion. At least in Jesse's case. At least about love.
Most of the houses along this stretch of waterfront in the oldest part of town looked as if they'd been rehabbed recently by people with money. They didn't seem very interesting from the street side. They all appeared oriented toward the harbor.
An ocean view, Sunny thought, like our first house… It wasn't that far from here… I wonder what Richie is like inside.
She stopped walking.
I don't know, she thought. I have no idea… I have no idea what Richie was, or is, like inside… Daddy, either… Except I know Daddy loves me… I think maybe Richie does, too… or did… I know more about Jesse than I know about anyone… That has to mean something.
A white-haired woman passed, walking an energetic beagle.
"Are you all right, miss?" the lady said.
Sunny nodded.
"Yes, ma'am," Sunny said. "Thank you. I was just thinking."
"Oh, my," the lady said. "We mustn't do too much of that." Sunny smiled at her.
"No," Sunny said, "we probably shouldn't."
The beagle scrabbled on the sidewalk at the end of the leash.
"Oh, all right, Sally," the woman said to the dog, and let the beagle pull her off toward town.