Leafpool moved closer. “Where will we go if StarClan won’t take us?” Fear shimmered in her gaze.
Firestar’s gaze clouded. “I don’t know,” he mewed huskily.
Squirrelflight could hardly believe her ears. What if there wasn’t anywhere else? Did that mean she and Leafpool would just disappear? Would they become nothing but a fading memory for the living? Or would they end up wandering the forest forever? Perhaps Tree would be able to see them. Or the Sisters. “How will you decide?” she breathed.
Firestar shifted his paws. “I won’t decide,” he croaked. “I could never turn you away from StarClan. It is up to others.”
A black-and-white tom with a long, thin tail padded from between the trees. His pelt sparkled with starlight. Squirrelflight recognized him at once. Tallstar. As he stopped at the head of the clearing, a large, blue-gray she-cat took her place beside him. Firestar dipped his head to her. “Bluestar.” Squirrelflight felt Leafpool’s fur bristle against her flank as a large brown tom with a twisted mouth crossed the clearing. “That’s Crookedstar,” Leafpool whispered. More stars glittered in the tom’s glossy pelt.
A skinny, battle-scarred she-cat followed, with bright wide-set orange eyes. “Yellowfang.” Firestar greeted her as she stopped beside Tallstar, Crookedstar, and Bluestar, and then dipped his head to a snow-white she-cat who was padding across the clearing. “Moth Flight.” He blinked politely as a small brown tabby tom followed. “Littlecloud.” As they lined up beside the others, Firestar’s gaze flicked back to Squirrelflight. “These cats will decide if you deserve a place in StarClan.”
Squirrelflight tried to read their gazes. Would they be sympathetic?
Leafpool was staring at Firestar. “How will they decide?”
“They’ll hear what you have to say,” he told her. His tail twitched uneasily. “You’re lucky in a way. Most cats don’t have the chance to speak for themselves. Their fate is decided before they reach us.”
Squirrelflight stared at him, fear jabbing her belly. “Are we supposed to be grateful?” She and Leafpool had served their Clan since they’d been given their apprentice names. They shouldn’t have to plead for a place in StarClan.
Firestar eyed her nervously. “Please think before you speak, Squirrelflight,” he whispered.
She dipped her head apologetically and forced her pelt to smooth. “Okay.”
Moth Flight lifted her muzzle. “Leafpool. We’ll start with you.”
Leafpool’s eyes flashed with alarm.
Squirrelflight blinked at her reassuringly. “Just tell them the truth,” she murmured. “No cat could blame you for the choices you made.” She watched, her throat tightening as Leafpool padded in front of the snow-white she-cat.
Tallstar, Yellowfang, and Bluestar shifted their paws, their expressions giving nothing away. Crookedstar narrowed his eyes. Littlecloud flicked his tail as though he was impatient to begin.
“Leafpool.” Moth Flight frowned. “You had kits even though you were a medicine cat. I know how that feels. I was the Clans’ first medicine cat. I gave up my kits and it broke my heart. That’s why I made the rule that no future medicine cat should have kits. I wanted to save you all from such pain.”
“I fell in love,” Leafpool mewed simply.
Littlecloud’s pelt ruffled. “Do you think that is an excuse?”
“Every cat falls in love at least once,” Tallstar mewed. “You didn’t have to act on it.”
“You broke my rule.” Moth Flight’s gaze was still fixed on Leafpool.
“I had to.” Leafpool lifted her chin. “But being a medicine cat was too important to give up.”
“Was it worth lying for?” Moth Flight pressed.
“What else could I do?”
Moth Flight eyed her coldly. “You put your feelings before your Clan.”
That’s not true! Squirrelflight want to yowl out, but she could see Firestar’s pelt pricking. Think before you speak.
She blinked at Leafpool. Tell them how giving up your kits broke your heart too! Tell them it was the hardest decision you’ve ever made! Her sister was staring back at the StarClan cats, her eyes round. Wasn’t she going to defend herself?
Bluestar nodded to her. “Have you nothing to say?”
Leafpool met the old she-cat’s gaze, unblinking. “I’m waiting for you to say that the father of my kits was from another Clan.” Around the clearing, the gathered StarClan cats murmured softly to one another, their pelts shimmering beneath the shadow of the trees as Leafpool went on. “Why defend myself from one accusation only to face another?”
Squirrelflight stiffened. Leafpool sounded angry.
“All right.” Moth Flight’s tail twitched ominously. “You had kits with a cat from another Clan.”
“Have you no respect at all for the warrior code?” Littlecloud’s eyes flashed.
“I’m not a warrior,” Leafpool straightened. “I’m a medicine cat. And being a medicine cat means more to me than anything. I gave up Crowfeather. I gave up my kits. Yes, I broke the code, but I chose my Clan over myself.” She faced them, her pelt prickling defiantly. “If you want to keep me out of StarClan, it’s up to you.”
Bluestar’s pelt sparkled as she stepped forward. “Would you make the same choices again?”
Leafpool hesitated. “Of course I would! I can’t imagine my life without Lionblaze, Jayfeather, or Hollyleaf. I’d never choose a life without them.” She narrowed her eyes. “If they’d never been born, we might all have been lost to the Dark Forest.”
Bluestar frowned. “That has nothing to do with you breaking the code,” she snapped.
Yellowfang glanced at the ThunderClan leader. “Didn’t you have kits with a cat from another Clan, Bluestar?” she mewed softly.
“Bluestar wasn’t a medicine cat,” Moth Flight growled.
Yellowfang tipped her head to one side. “You had kits, Moth Flight, before you decided you were the first and last medicine cat who could. Is that fair?”
“It was for the good of the Clans.” Moth Flight glared at her.
“It seems to me”—Yellowfang’s ears twitched—“that Leafpool sacrificed everything she loved to be a loyal medicine cat to her Clan. Can we ask more than that?”
“Of course we can!” Littlecloud glared at his Clanmates. “What’s the point in having rules if cats can break them whenever they like?”
“Leafpool didn’t just have kits,” Crookedstar reminded them. “She had kits with a cat from another Clan and lied about it to every cat.”
Yellowfang flicked her tail crossly. “She gave them up to be a medicine cat, just as Bluestar gave up her own kits to be a leader. I did the same in my time, and I am still a member of StarClan.”
Bluestar held her gaze for a moment, then dipped her head. “Yellowfang has a point. We can’t condemn Leafpool for breaking rules we’ve broken ourselves.”
Crookedstar spoke for the first time. “Leafpool is right about her kits. They helped save the Clans from the Dark Forest.”
“Only because we chose them,” Moth Flight snapped. “We could have chosen any cat.”
Around the clearing, the StarClan warriors shifted uneasily. Squirrelflight’s pelt pricked. Moth Flight seemed determined to keep Leafpool out of StarClan. Was her word enough to overrule the others? She looked anxiously at Leafpool. Her sister’s pelt was smooth as she gazed calmly at the StarClan leaders.
“Don’t argue over me,” Leafpool mewed suddenly. “I don’t regret having my kits. Only that I lied about being their mother. I wish I’d had more courage, but I thought I was doing the best for everyone by choosing to remain a medicine cat. If you decide that I can’t join StarClan, then I must accept your decision. But please don’t turn Squirrelflight away.”