I wanted to say something, something that would come right to the heart of things, something that would make it all right between us, but I didn't have the first clue.
"Thank you for being here," I said, finally.
He looked back at me and smiled. "Maggie, it's just not our time. That's not to say there won't be a time, or that I'm not just as much here for you as I always am. It's just not now for us, you know? And you don't need to feel bad about it or explain it or apologize for it. Some things are the way they are. Let it go, Magpie. Breathe."
I stretched out my hand and he slipped his into mine and we sat there, breathing, for a long time, until I knew we could sit there no longer.
"Sheila's due here any minute," I said.
"Mummm…" he said, deep into his relaxed state of New Age meditation. He sighed. "Guess we should go inside then."
I reached over and opened my door. The cold night air blew in and brought Jack back to the present reality.
"Okay, let's go."
We walked in through the back door with five minutes to spare, but it didn't really matter, because at that exact moment Tony Carlucci, Sheila, and Marshall Weathers all arrived at the front door, their eyes locking on me like homing pigeons sensing their home roost.
"Jeez," Jack whistled softly. "Better you than me."
I stood there, watching and waiting, as they walked toward me. My heart was in my throat, my mouth was dry, and my palms were starting to sweat. It was decision time, and there was no doubt about that.
"You ready?" Tony asked.
"Maggie, I need to talk to you," Marshall said. "Why did you leave?"
"Mama!" Sheila said. "What's going on?"
"Breathe," I heard Jack saying in my head. "You're terrified, aren't you?" I heard Tony ask. And then Marshalclass="underline" "Don't think I'm walking away from you."
My heart pounded louder and louder, filling my head, and rushing through my ears.
I stepped up to them, stretched out my hand and reached for my daughter, pulling her close to me.
"It's late," I said. "Really, really late, and I need to sleep." I looked at Tony and Marshall, and then over at Jack, who stood just behind me, listening.
"Mama always said a tired mind makes for foolish decisions. So how about you call me sometime tomorrow morning, late, and we'll talk."
Tony and Marshall stared at each other, frowning.
"Who, Maggie?" Tony asked. "Who do you want to call?"
I looked at them and smiled.
I turned around, gripping Sheila's hand, and walked out the door, my heart fairly bursting with the uncertainty and tension of it all. What if no one called me? What if they thought I was just too far above my raisings to deserve a call from either one?
We made it all the way to the car and halfway out of the parking lot before Sheila decided to put in her two cents' worth.
"Mama," she said, "do you, like, get what you just did back there?"
"Sheila," I said, "I think, like, totally. I, like, totally get it."
"Awesome." she sighed. "Damn, I wish I could do that with the guys I know! That is, like, so totally evolved."
I turned onto High Point Road and headed home.
"Whatever," I said.
I made it home, so tired I could barely remove my clothes before my head hit the pillow, and I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep that seemed to go on and on and on-right up until the bright sunlight of late morning streamed through the curtains of my bedroom window and the phone began to ring.