The second man said, “I don’t know, buddy, but I’m afraid to ask.”
What followed next were long days of running up and down every road in Missouri, packed in cars with trucks following behind carrying sound equipment, banners, folding chairs, a portable stage, and Le Roy Oatman and the Missouri Plowboys, who had been pulled back in for the occasion. Betty Raye would sit in the car and read until Seymour came to get her and escort her to the stage, where she would go to the microphone and say, “We are so pleased to be with you today and it is also my pleasure to introduce you to my number one adviser, my husband, your governor, Hamm Sparks,” at which point she would sit down and Hamm would talk for the next forty-five minutes while she sat behind him, waiting to be taken back to the car and head to the next stop.
Hamm was attacked from all quarters. Carnie Boofer banged his fists. “This hoax Sparks is trying to pull on the voters of Missouri is an insult and an embarrassment to every woman in America.” Editorials accused Hamm of using the state as a patsy and of trying to ride back in office by hanging on to his wife’s skirttail. Everybody in the state and out had an opinion about the matter. Back in Elmwood Springs, the morning Dorothy heard she was running, even though she had a strict rule and never endorsed a political candidate on her show, she did say this: “It looks like our Betty Raye is running for governor and we just could not be happier. I don’t know of a sweeter and nicer girl in the world.”
But Doc and Jimmy were of a different opinion. One night the two of them were out on the porch when Doc said, “That girl shouldn’t be dragged through all that mess. What is he thinking about?”
Jimmy said, “It’s a hell of a mean trick to pull on a nice lady, that’s for sure.”
“He ought to be horsewhipped.”
“Or something.”
Jimmy did not say what he really wanted to do. He had hated Hamm Sparks with a passion ever since that Christmas four years ago when he had been visiting his buddies at the veterans hospital in Kansas City, where the name of Hamm Sparks had come up quite by accident. His friends had handed him a present and when he’d unwrapped the box there were twelve cartons of cigarettes inside. One of his friends said, “Don’t thank us, thank the governor.” Another said, “Yeah, he’s over here all the time to see his lady friend. Since they took up, we get a lot of attention.”
“He’s a vet, so when he’s in town he comes over and throws a few cartons of cigarettes our way. She’s one of those society women, a looker, from her pictures in the paper—I guess he got tired of gospel singing. Yes, he’s been showing up over here quite a bit. Can’t say I blame him. I hear she’s put a lot of money behind him—she and those people she runs with. . . .”
Jimmy nodded and lit one of his own cigarettes. “Is that so?” He was thinking, Why that no-good, sorry little son of a bitch.
He did not mention that he knew Hamm or Betty Raye. A boy in a wheelchair said, “Hey, I wouldn’t kick a good-looking rich woman out of bed, would you? Hell, I wouldn’t kick any woman out of bed, I don’t care what she looks like.”
They laughed and then the conversation changed. Most of the men were paraplegic and would never sleep with a woman again.
When Jimmy left the hospital and got to the Greyhound station to catch his bus back home, he tossed the cartons of cigarettes to an old fellow sitting outside the building. “Here, buddy. Merry Christmas.” Jimmy loved to smoke but he’d be damned before he took anything from Hamm Sparks. It was all he could do to keep from going after him with a baseball bat.
Let’s Go On with the Show
OF COURSE, there were a few obstacles to overcome. A vote for Hamm Sparks was one thing but there were some men out there who would never vote for a woman even if she was just a surrogate candidate—stand-in or not, she was still a female. But the majority of the Democrats came through and Betty Raye won the primaries without a problem. Then came the Republicans to battle for the election in November. Their candidate was very careful not to attack Betty Raye and went after Hamm, but one of his top aides was overheard saying something snide about Betty Raye’s backwoods gospel-singing beginnings and the newspapers printed it. It was just the thing Hamm had been waiting for. He jumped all over it. “My wife and I, unlike our honorable Republican opponent, are not ashamed of being God-fearing Christians. My wife is a humble woman but she is proud that she comes from a family with the rich traditions of the Oatman Family Gospel Singers. And I’m proud to be the son-in-law of such a fine woman as Minnie Oatman.
“I say to attack folks because of their religion is downright un-American and, if I may say so, not very gentlemanly. Frankly, I’m ashamed of him and surprised he would stoop so low as to take a swipe at my wife and her family.” By the time Hamm got through dragging him over the coals, people had forgotten that it had not been the candidate who had said anything in the first place. During the campaign, although Hamm and Vita talked every day, Vita did not see as much of Hamm as she would have liked, but she was thoroughly enjoying the show and watching Hamm in action.
On the morning of November 5, almost everyone had their television sets on.
“Well, it’s ladies’ day in Missouri this morning,” said a smiling Barbara Walters on the NBC Today show. The male cohost snorted slightly, then caught himself and changed the subject, but not before adding his congratulations to the new Governor Sparks.
Bobby and Anna Lee both sent her telegrams of congratulations, as did Doc and Dorothy and Mother Smith. The first Sunday after Betty Raye had won the election Dorothy ran into Pauline Tuttle, Betty Raye’s old high school English teacher, at church. The very same Pauline Tuttle who, sixteen years ago at the A&P, had predicted that Betty Raye would never amount to anything. Dorothy did not want to rub it in but at the coffee-and-cake get-together in the parish hall afterward, she knew she shouldn’t but she could not help saying just a little something as she passed by. “So, Pauline,” she said, “what do you think about our girl up in Jefferson City?”
Pauline stood there holding her plate and looked at her with a helpless expression. “I just don’t know what to say, Dorothy, I’m speechless. How that shy little girl could grow up and become the governor of the state is simply incomprehensible; frankly, the whole thing baffles me.”
No more than it baffled Betty Raye. How she had let Hamm talk her into this charade was still a mystery to her but she had and now she was trapped. It was like being six months pregnant. She couldn’t go back if she wanted to. She had no choice but to go forward.
And so on Inauguration Day, as much as she dreaded it, she went through the necessary motions of being sworn in and posing for the pictures and although her hands and her knees were shaking, she read the short speech they had written out.
“Ladies and gentlemen, it is with the utmost humility that I accept this office today. And with your support and the help of my husband and number one adviser, I promise to carry out my duties as your new governor to the very best of my abilities, so help me God.”
Cecil then signaled the band to start up and she and Hamm walked down the avenue to the governor’s mansion on the coldest day of the year. But the streets were lined with well-wishers and Hamm strutted beside her, smiling and waving at the crowd. Some said if you did not know better, the way he was carrying on you would have thought that he was the new governor. As they walked, even though the streets were lined with the cheering people, Betty Raye felt lonely. Her mother was not there today because the Oatman family had an engagement they could not change. Dorothy and Doc were invited as well but Mother Smith was ill and they had to cancel at the last minute. When they arrived at the mansion, Betty Raye saw a familiar face at the top of the stairs waiting for her. “Welcome home, Governor Betty,” said Alberta Peets, the ice-pick murderess. “I’ve already taken care of Governor Hamm’s things and put them in his room and your things is all ironed and ready to go and so is the boys.”