He pulled her closer. He felt so nervous and scared. This was how he wanted her, happy and laughing. Soft and trusting in his arms. He wasn't going to achieve that by throwing his weight around, spewing ironclad orders and ultimatums right and left, but whenever he felt threatened, that's what he did. Every goddamn time.
He pulled her tighter, so her soft laughter would vibrate through his body and push the aching cold away.
Chapter Fifteen
Connor scooped her up off the ground and deposited her on the rumpled cot. She lay there, still giggling, until she saw him rip open a foil packet, and smooth a condom over his erect penis.
She sat bolt upright "Good God, Connor! This is getting ridiculous. What do you think you're doing?"
"Sealing our bargain," he told her.
He made her heart race when he looked at her like that, his beautiful body naked, his tawny mane long and loose around his shoulders, his hungry eyes. And that hot, sexy, ruthless smile.
He scooped up her dangling legs and draped them over his elbows, nudging the tip of himself gently between her slick folds. He forced his way inside her with one long, relentless push. "I've never had sex with a woman whom I've promised to be faithful to," he said. "Never, in my whole life. It's a big deal."
She dug her fingers into his shoulders and tried to puzzle out the significance of his words. He rocked against her, lazy and slow, angling himself expertly to please her.
"I needed to see how it felt," he added.
"Oh," she murmured. "And how does it feel?"
"Fucking awesome," he said. "To be inside you, and look into your face and think, this is my woman. And oh, God. She is so beautiful."
She wanted to tell him that she loved him, that her heart was all his, forever. Something squeezed her throat shut.
Her father's face floated in her mind, the last time she had seen it, hard with grief and guilt. Connor, leaning on his blood-spattered cane. Vengeance and violence. She couldn't shake free of them, but Connor was prying her heart open by sheer brute force. She couldn't resist him.
She had to hold something back, just some tiny crumb of herself. A corner that was locked up tight and secret and all hers.
He stopped, and held himself motionless above her. "What is it? What are you thinking?"
It took all her nerve to meet his eyes. "I… um, nothing."
"Bullshit. Tell me."
She closed her eyes. There was no point in lying to him, but at least she could tell him a different truth. "I was just thinking…"
"Yeah?" His eyes were keen and sharp on her face. "And?"
"Of how it feels," she said. "To have you inside me, all over me, and know that you're mine. My man."
"And how does it feel?"
She told him the naked truth. "It feels fucking awesome."
Her own words were the magic key that released her. She came apart around him in a shuddering wave of complete surrender. She could hold nothing back. He held her against him so tightly, his arms shook. "No going back, Erin," he said hoarsely.
She shook her head. "No."
She drifted into a doze. He extricated himself, covered her with the quilt, and went padding about her apartment. When she opened her eyes, he had showered and shaved and pulled on his jeans. He was bent over her tiny refrigerator. He looked dismayed.
He smiled to find her awake. "You've got nothing to eat in this place," he said. "I can't keep up this level of sustained sexual activity without regular feeding."
She giggled. "Sorry."
He sauntered over to the bed and lifted a hank of his wet hair. "I used some of your conditioner," he said. "Smells nice."
"Good for you, Connor. You're making progress," she said. "Where did you get all this energy?"
"I'm totally high. Think of it. I got Erin, the quintessential good girl, to say the f-word, and it isn't even ten o'clock in the morning yet. Who knows what I might get her to do by nightfall?"
She waggled her finger at him. "Don't get any more ideas, you sex-crazed stud. I'm done for awhile."
"Oh, come on," he wheedled. "You're a bad girl now, remember? You've got to get used to excess, and I'm just the guy to help you do it."
She batted his roving hand away and sat up. "Enough."
"And speaking of enough," he said. "Now that we're exclusive, and seeing as how you seem to have something against condoms, you'd better go see your doctor and come up with something you like better. Because I'm tired of walking a tightrope every time we have sex."
Her eyes widened. "But Connor. You're so good at it. And it's so much fun to watch. All that concentration."
"I'm not a goddamn dancing bear," he said sourly. "It would be nice to just relax and have some fun. From here on out, it's condoms until you come up with a better solution on your own. And that's final."
She hugged herself with a shiver of mock rapture. "Oh, I love it when you're stern and masterful. It's such a turn-on. Do it again, Connor. Give me another ultimatum, quick."
"Stop it," he growled. His eyes dragged over the length of her body, and his gaze became thoughtful. "Unless, of course, you want to have my baby," he said. "Just for the record, that would be fine with me, Erin. More than fine. The timing would be kind of weird, but—"
"I'll go to the doctor. I'll take care of it. I promise." She shivered with a blend of panic and heady, toe-curling excitement. "Let's not rush ahead of ourselves, OK?"
He smiled. "I'm not ahead of myself at all."
"It's better to stay focused," she babbled. "I, uh, have too many things to do today to even think about—"
"Whatever you say, babe. What things do you have to do?"
She took one look at the uncompromising set of his jaw, and sighed. "Oh, dear. You're going to insist on escorting me everywhere?"
"Get used to it," he said. "Tell me what we need to do today."
She flopped back down onto the bed and thought about it. "Well, I have to get my cat back from my friend Tonia, and she'll be furious with me—the cat, not Tonia—so that'll involve lap time and kitty treats. I need to do some research for the Mueller report. Oh, and I need to sign up at some more temp agencies, too. But mostly, I need to track down my sister and check on Mom."
He nodded. "I'll call Sean for a progress report on the Cindy situation, but I can't handle Sean on an empty stomach. OK… cat, sister, mom. What else is on our agenda?"
He was so willing to take it all onto his shoulders. His generosity made her heart go all gooey. "Connor, you're a sweetheart, but these are my problems, not yours, and they're not pretty," she said gently. "Please don't think that just because we're involved—"
"Hey." He held up his hand. "Hello! Earth to Erin! You're my girlfriend now. Your problems are now my problems. No question."
She looked down at her hands, letting her damp, tangled hair hide her face. "We've only been together for two days."
"It doesn't matter if it's two days. It wouldn't matter if it were five minutes. And it's not a question of having to, or wanting to. It's just the way it is. So don't fight me. Because you'll lose. OK?"
She gave him a teasing smile. "Oh, my hero."
He rolled his eyes. "Please. Spare me. Cat, sister, mother, any other relatives to take care of? Grandmas, aunts, cousins?"
She shook her head. "None of them will have anything to do with us since the trial. It's like we have the plague."
Connor's hand crept higher, his fingertips brushing her nipple. She grabbed his hand, sliding it back to her belly and holding it firmly there. He let out a wistful sigh. "OK. The asshole relatives can go fuck themselves. It's just as well. There's only so many hours in the day."
She flopped onto her back, giggling. All the things that had so much power to hurt and sadden her before now just seemed ridiculous, with Connor's energy and humor to buoy her up. She slid out from under the quilt, slapping his hands away. "I have to take another shower," she said. "You stop that right now, Connor. Be good."