"That has nothing to do with what I'm talking about," Helen said.
"True," Jake admitted. "It really doesn't. What are you trying to say, Helen? Do you want to go home?"
She shook her head. "No," she said. "Despite all of this, I am having a good time out here with you. I like being with you and we get to be together every day. We've seen some beautiful places and beautiful things so far and it's only the beginning. I'm just having a little trouble adjusting to everything that goes along with dating a celebrity."
"I know," he said, taking his hand off the stick and putting it in her lap. "And I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. This is life with me. I chose to follow this path and I don't regret it. I'm rich, I'm famous, I can get a table at the best restaurants just by calling and dropping my name, I can afford to buy airplanes in the United States and rent airplanes in New Zealand and stay in the finest hotels and drink two hundred dollar bottles of wine with dinner. But I also have to give up my privacy; I have to endure being recognized everywhere I go and having a bunch of asinine fans ask a bunch of asinine question of me. You have to take the bad with the good, hon. And so far, in this life I've chosen, the good is outweighing the bad. You've chosen to be with me and you have to take the bad with the good as well. If there is more bad than good... well... I don't think I have to tell you what you need to do."
"No," she said. "You don't. And at this point, the good is still outweighing the bad. You'll just have to give me a little time to get used to the bad, okay?"
"I guess that would be life with you, wouldn't it?"
"Yeah," she said. "I guess it would."
All in all, Jake was glad that Helen had come on tour with him. In the days following his semi-impulsive decision to ask her along, he had worried whether or not it was the right thing to do, whether or not it could possibly work. The distress she articulated in the first weeks in New Zealand seemed to add credence to this idea.
Nor was Jake the only one wondering if bringing Helen along was such a good idea. Both Matt and Coop had been firmly against the idea of any band member bringing any "bitch" along on the tour. Their argument was that it would break down the camaraderie of the band and deflect the creative energy required for night after night of repetitive live performances.
While Jake was pretty sure that having Helen and Sharon along for the ride did not detract from their live shows in any way — at least not yet — he did have to admit that the presence of the two women was having a detrimental effect on the normal after-show partying. Jake and Nerdly no longer participated in any of the standard rituals involving the groupies. They did not imbibe in the after show blow jobs. They did not help pick out which groupies would be allowed to accompany the band back to their hotel. They did not offer their rooms up for the normal party room rotation. Jake would typically hang out backstage in the dressing room after the shows to eat and grab a beer or two. He and Helen would make an appearance at the post-show parties in Coop's, Matt's, or Charlie's room once or twice a week but they tended not to stay long. They always left before the public sex orgies began. Nerdly did not attend any of the after show parties at all. When they came off stage he would shower, eat his dinner, and then he and Helen would find some deserted portion of the backstage area to be alone. Once back at the hotel, they would go immediately to their room and stay there until the next morning.
"You two are being fucking anti-social," Matt complained at one point. "We have to spend half of every goddamn night explaining to every groupie in the room why you're not there. Can't you just ditch your bitches every once in a while and come have some fun?"
"Afraid not," Jake told him. "I'm in a relationship right now. You can't do things like that when you're in a relationship."
"Yes," agreed Nerdly. "To engage in extra-curricular fornication would definitely jeopardize the harmonious synchronicity I'm enjoying with Sharon."
"So you two are going to go this entire tour only fucking one bitch?" Matt asked in disbelief. "We're going to have exotic groupies from all over the fuckin' world, all of whom are just dying to get a piece of Intemperance, and you're going to just ignore that?"
"Yep," Jake agreed. "That is my plan."
"I will answer in the affirmative as well," Nerdly said.
Matt just shook his head and stormed off. He didn't talk to either one of them for the rest of the day.
In truth, Jake found it quite a novelty to skip out on most of the partying. He didn't miss it as much as he feared he would. In the mornings after a show, when they had another show scheduled for that night and a heavy day of autograph sessions and radio station interviews to go to, he especially didn't miss it since he was typically well-rested and not nursing a horrid hangover. Though he still drank more than his share of alcohol, and though he still smoked a little pot every now and then, the sheer amount of his consumption was much less than it had been on previous tours. As for the cocaine, which Matt and Coop both snorted by the gram, Jake didn't so much as sniff a single flake.
They finished up the Oceania leg of the tour by the second week in February. From there, they went on to Japan and Taiwan. Though the audiences in every city on this leg were almost fanatical in their enthusiasm for the band, Jake himself was not terribly impressed with anything he found here. Sure, Mount Fuji was nice, and the side-trip he took to Nagano wasn't bad either, but he found the cities to be dirty and crowded and the people to be notorious invaders of personal space. Coupled with the fact that he didn't speak or understand the language, Jake was glad to leave Asia behind.
They left Taipei, Taiwan on March 1 and flew for sixteen hours to Heathrow Airport in London. They stayed one night in London and then caught another plane to Saint-Tropez, France where they would stay for two weeks in a decadent resort on the Mediterranean while waiting for a ship to bring their equipment around the globe.
"Fuckin' nude beaches!" Matt yelled excitedly as the limousine took them from the airport to the resort. "I'm gonna score me so much fuckin' puss at this place that they're gonna name a building after me."
"Do you have to be nude on the beach?" asked Sharon nervously.
"Hell yeah," Matt told her. "When in Saint-Tropez, you do as the fuckin' Saint-Tropezians."
"No," Nerdly corrected. "You don't have to be nude. The exact term is 'clothing optional'. And that's only at Pampelonne. At the other beaches in the area, it is acceptable to go topless but not bottomless, and even there your normal bathing suit is perfectly acceptable attire."
"Oh... good," Sharon said, obviously relieved.
"Prudes," Matt chided. "I'm going to Pampelonne and hangin' my schlong out for everyone to see and admire. And you guys don't have a fuckin' hair on your asses if you don't come with me and do the same."
"I actually do not have hair on my ass," Nerdly said.
"Me either," Sharon said.
Matt muttered a little more about what prudes he was riding with and then turned to Jake and Helen. "How about you two?" he asked. "You gonna let it all hang out?"
Jake gave him a doubtful look. "I'm not sure it's such a good idea," he said. "There's bound to be paparazzi following us. They'll snap pictures of us and put them in the tabloids. Some of them might even end up in some porno mag."
"So?" Matt asked. "They've taken pictures of your joint before, haven't they?"
"True," Jake admitted, "but I don't think Helen wants to see her bare boobs in next month's issue of Hustler."
"No," Helen said. "I really wouldn't enjoy that much."
"Why not?" Matt asked. "You've got an awesome set, hon. You should let people see them."
"Well thank you, Matt," she said sweetly. "But I like to choose who gets to see them."