"You can't even begin to imagine," Matt told him. "I was locked up like a rat in a cage. I had to fight to survive every fuckin' day I was there."
"How horrible it must've been," Crow said, feigning sympathy.
"You have no idea," Matt said.
Since neither Jake nor Matt offered to introduce Crow to their girlfriends, Crow took the initiative and made the introductions himself. They both told him they were pleased to meet him.
"Pretty happenin' party you got going here, Matt," Crow said when this ritual was complete.
"Actually, it's pretty tame so far," Matt said. "I have some good entertainment planned for later though."
"Really?" Crow asked. "I can't wait."
"I think you'll find it very interesting," Jake told him.
"I'm sure I will," Crow said. "Listen, guys, I know you hate to talk business at a time like this..."
"We refuse to talk business at a time like this," Matt told him.
Crow laughed as if this were a joke. "Anyway," he said, "I just wanted to touch bases with you both and make sure you're planning to hit the warehouse within the next week or so. Now that you're out of prison, Matt, it's time to start putting together the next album in your contract period."
"The last album in our contract period," Matt said. "And yes, we are prepared to get to work very soon."
"Good... very good," Crow said. "Now that Book and Action are finally starting to fall off the charts, the public is ready for the next album. If we release it at the right time, there's no reason to think it won't sell every bit as well as Book did."
"You'll get your submissions on time, Crow," Jake told him. "We have several months to get them to you."
"I have the utmost faith in you boys," Crow said. "I just wanted to make sure that..."
"You'll get the shit on time," Matt said. "End of discussion."
Crow held up his hand in appeasement. "As I said," he said, "I have utmost faith in you." He turned to Jake. "And have you given any more consideration to including that song you did at the Valdez chick's wedding into the mix?"
"No," Jake said blandly. "That song will not be submitted for consideration."
"Oh come on, Jake," Crow said. "The public is practically drooling for that song. Even though it was a blatant breach of contract for you to perform live in such a setting, we'd be willing to forgive your transgression if you'd submit the song to us for inclusion on the next album."
"It ain't gonna happen," Jake repeated for perhaps the tenth time since he'd returned from Boston. Crow and the other National Records bigwigs had indeed threatened and postured about Jake performing The Start Of The Journey for Celia and Greg at the wedding (as well as for his performances of Molly Malone at the rehearsal). They had claimed breach of contract and had both insinuated and outright claimed that by singing that song in that forum that National had every right to revert them back to their original contract and apply it retroactively, thus putting the band millions of dollars into debt.
Jake told him now what he'd told him on every other occasion. "If you think you can actually get a judge and jury to agree with your ridiculous allegations, go for it. But as it stands now, that song I sang is not an Intemperance song in any way, shape, or form, and it will not be presented as such."
"You can make it an Intemperance song," Crow said. "Just gussy it up a little. Throw in some electric guitars, some drums, a nice bass beat, and some of Nerdly's piano, and you're in. People will eat it up."
"You haven't even heard the song, Crow," Matt said. "How do you know it doesn't suck ass?"
"People magazine said it made people cry at the ceremony!" Crow said. "If it made people cry, it doesn't suck ass!"
"If it made people cry, it ain't a fuckin' Intemperance song!" Matt countered. "Do we look like Elton fucking John here? We don't do crying shit."
Crow was not moved by this argument. "Just keep it in mind, Jake," he said. "And remember, all legal violations of your contract will be forgiven if you just submit this to us."
"They'll be forgiven anyway," Jake said, "because you don't have a leg to stand on. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go take a leak now. This conversation seems to have triggered my parasympathetic nervous system into action."
Matt laughed, clapping Jake on the shoulder. "Goddamn, Jake," he said. "You sounded just like Nerdly there."
Jake and Helen left Crow behind them, heading for the upstairs bathrooms (upstairs was off limits to all guests except the band and their significant others). They each took care of their personal business and then went back down, taking care to stay well clear of Crow.
"He's rather pushy, isn't he?" Helen asked.
"That's a polite way of putting it," Jake said.
An hour went by and the party got drunker — all except for Helen, who continued to drink nothing stronger than diet coke. She stayed on Jake's arm as he drifted from place to place, talking to everyone he met along the way, even the various porn actresses who seemed to enjoy describing some of their more lurid encounters on the set.
"Ron Jeremy?" said one such actress. "Talk about a fucking dick! I did one film with him and that was it for me. It felt like someone was sticking a goddamn baseball bat up my snatch when he fucked me. And then they had him stick it up my ass! Holy shit. I was bleeding every time I took a shit for almost a week after that one."
"That's uh... very interesting," Helen said.
"It's life in the business," she said. "You got some nice titties, hon. You ever think about giving a little performance of your own?"
Eventually they found Charlie, who had come stag to the party and who had turned down every offer of sex from the porn actresses.
"The groupies are bad enough," he told Jake as he wiped down his latest drink with one of his disinfectant wipes. "But these porn chicks? What a nightmare! Can you imagine what kind of germs they might have? Look at what happened to John Holmes."
"I suppose you got a good point there," Jake had to agree.
They talked to him for another ten minutes or so, listening to him go on and on about germs and tapeworms and salmonella poisoning and trichinosis. It was when he started asking questions about whether or not tongue kissing with another guy out of friendship was necessarily a definitive homosexual act that Jake decided he'd had about enough.
"Listen, Charlie," he said, "I think I'm gonna go score me another drink."
"But you still have half of that one left," Charlie pointed out.
"It'll be gone by the time I make it to the bar," Jake said. "Trust me on that."
"Oh... I see," Charlie said.
"And uh... if I were you, I would kind of avoid asking Matt or Coop about any of this tongue kissing with guys stuff. You know what I mean?"
"So they've never done it either?" Charlie asked.
"No," Jake said. "I'm pretty sure they haven't."
Jake turned to make his escape, Helen holding firmly onto his arm. Before he could get anywhere, however, there was a click and a hum as the microphone at the front of the room was turned on. He looked up and saw that Matt was preparing to speak. Standing next to him, sipping from a beer and smoking a cigarette, was Darren.
"Can I have everyone's attention for a couple?" Matt asked, his voice booming out of the microphone.
Everyone quieted down and gave Matt his or her attention.
"First of all," he said, "I'd like to thank all of you for coming tonight. This party was to celebrate my freedom after the hell I had to endure in that shitty-ass prison — no offense to those of you who work there — and having you all here has reminded me of how sweet it is to be free."
Applause at his words broke out from somewhere near the rear of the room and quickly spread. It held for a few seconds and then dropped off.