"I'm sorry that Coop and Charlie couldn't make it," Doolittle said. "I trust you will fill them in on the details of what is discussed here?"
"Of course," Pauline said. "As soon as I know what those details are. So how about we skip over any further preliminaries and get right to the point. Why did you call us in here on less than an hour's notice?"
"It's nothing negative," Doolittle said reassuringly. "We've got a new project for the band in mind to fill in some time and increase our international revenue stream once the live album is complete and in production."
"A new project?" Jake asked. "What kind of new project? Are you saying you don't want us to start work on a new studio album?"
"Not just yet," Doolittle said. "You see, sales of It's In The Book are still quite healthy and are not showing any signs of slacking off in the next two quarters. Once we release In Action, we'll be enjoying a fresh onslaught of album sales and radio airplay from that. It would not behoove any of us to throw another album out into the mix just yet. Sure, it would undoubtedly sell multi-platinum — anything you boys put out at this point is guaranteed to sell at least three million copies — but your next studio album will sell so much more if it's not in competition with your other works. Strictly speaking, people aren't clamoring for new Intemperance material yet. They're still enjoying the old material."
"So what's the new project you're talking about?" Matt asked. "Let's get to the meat here, Doolittle. What do you want us to do?"
"It has to do with international sales of your albums," Doolittle said. "As you're aware, we released all of your albums in all markets we cover ever since the first one. You've done really well in Canada but sales of the early Intemperance recordings were marginal at best in Europe, Japan, and Australia. Your first three albums didn't even chart in any of those markets."
"They're selling like a motherfucker there now though," Matt said. As of the last marking period, both Balance Of Power and It's In The Book had each sold over two million copies in Europe and Australia and more than a million in Japan. In addition, all of the singles that had sold in the United States and Canada had been equally popular in the foreign market.
"Well... they're selling well, but not quite 'like a motherfucker', as you put it," Doolittle said. "We think that with a little promotion, we could sell many more copies of everything you've done in this market."
"What kind of promotion?" Jake asked.
"A tour," Crow said. "We going to have you guys hit the road on a full-fledged, European, Far East, and Oceania tour starting in mid-January and lasting through late April."
"The tour will be simultaneous with the release of In Action." Doolittle said. "It will be perfect timing. And as you swing through every geographic location and the media covers your impending arrival, our international contacts will work on increasing Intemperance airplay in each market. As airplay increases and as people fight and squabble over concert tickets, the album sales of everything you've put out will begin to pick up exponentially. These foreigners will buy In Action and It's In The Book first and then they'll start to buy your earlier albums to see what they've missed. It's a gold mine just waiting to be opened."
"What if we don't want to go out on another tour?" Nerdly asked. "We just got back a few months ago from a rather exhausting excursion throughout North America. I, for one, am not quite refreshed enough to undertake another such venture."
"You're contractually obligated to go out on tour whenever a new album is released," Doolittle told him. "I'm sorry you're not feeling refreshed, Bill, but this is something you're going to have to do."
"Whoa, hold on a second," Pauline said, holding up her hand.
"What?" Doolittle said.
Pauline went aggressively on the offensive. "I really hate it when you sit there and lie to my face, Doolittle," she said. "It's insulting on so many different levels. First, there's the lie itself. Second, there's the condescension toward me when you assume that I'm too dumb to catch you in your lie."
"What are you talking about, Pauline?" Doolittle asked innocently. "You know as well as I do that the Intemperance contract demands a tour with each new release. It's in black and white right there in that copy of the contract you carry in your little briefcase."
"Now wait a minute," Matt jumped in. "Before we start getting all hot and heavy into this argument, I'd just like to point out that I'm totally down with this tour. I like being on the road and I've already filled in all the states and cities on my fuck-map for the US and Canada."
"Matt," Jake said, driving an elbow into his side.
"What?" Matt asked. "What's the big fucking deal? I'm want to go score me some foreign pussy. Do we get to stop in Iceland? Can you imagine how cool it would be to get some Icelandic trim?"
"Matt," Pauline hissed, giving him an evil glare.
He finally got the clue. "Sorry," he said.
"I think Matt is right, Pauline," Doolittle said, doing exactly what Pauline had warned her band members he would do if they showed any sort of crack in the armor of unity. "Before you start accusing me of lying and telling me I have no right to force the boys out on tour, why don't we just see if they are willing to do it? Now it seems obvious that Bill here is a bit reluctant, but Matt seems to be showing the spirit. What do you think about this idea, Jake? Are you up for a little excursion around the globe to promote your music?"
"I'll withhold my opinion for now," Jake said. "I want to hear what Pauline has to say first."
"There's not really much she can say," Crow said. "Like Mr. Doolittle said, you are contractually obligated to tour whenever a new album is released. Failure to do so without just cause is grounds for breach of contract."
"And that's where you're talking out of your ass," Pauline said. "And not only that, you know you're talking out of your ass. Did you really think I wouldn't pick up on that?"
"Pick up on what?" asked Nerdly, who, for reasons of his own, didn't want to go traversing around the world playing in front of audiences night after night.
"Do you want to tell him, Doolittle?" Pauline asked.
"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," Doolittle said huffily. "The way I read the contract, the issue is quite clear."
"The way I read it, it's quite clear as well," Pauline said. "Although the way I read it is the same way a judge and jury would read it too." She looked at Matt, Nerdly, and Jake. "The mandatory touring obligation clause only applies to the release of a new studio album. In Action is not a studio album. It falls under the umbrella of 'live albums or greatest hits re-releases'. The same reason that releasing In Action does not fulfill one of the contract periods makes it impossible for them to compel you to tour in order to promote it. And even if it did, the touring obligation clause is for North American tours only. They can't compel you to do an international tour under any circumstances."
It was obvious by looking at the faces of Doolittle and Crow that they knew this to be true.
"I suppose," offered Doolittle, "that one could make an argument — albeit a weak one — that the semantics of the contract could be interpreted in that way."
"It's black and white, Doolittle," Pauline insisted. "You can't make them do this tour and you damn well know it."
"So what are you saying here, Pauline?" Doolittle asked. "Are you saying the band will not tour? Pardon me for saying so, but that would be an asinine position to take. The amount of money we could all make from such a tour is considerable. Our foreign album sales could potentially increase by more than sixty percent over the next two quarters. At a minimum, our analysts predict at least a twenty-five percent increase. Think about that in terms of band royalties, which is where your primary source of income comes from. Are you really going to throw that away just so you could say you got one over on us on a contract point?"