“Jen says hi,” he says, lacing up his Converse.
I ruffle his hair as I pass him. “Everything okay?” I ask casually. “You looked stressed when you were talking to Jen, problems at home?”
He puffs. “This is my home,” he says firmly.
“I know, sorry,” I say, realising my mistake. “So what’s up?’
He sighs. “Nothing really."
I realise straight away that this is to do with baby stuff. "How is it going with them? You know, when I...left." I hesitate to bring it up, but we have to move on. "They'd had tests, but they weren't really sure what they'd do."
Danny looks up at me and gives me a tight smile. "They're okay. Jen’s on meds to figure out her cycle, or whatever. It's fixed her right up." He drifts off deep in thought.
I sit on the bed beside him, watching him. He is oblivious, I can tell he’s there with Jen. I know it's hard for him being away from her.
After a minute, I take his hand and he comes back to me. "Sorry. I just..." he trails off again.
"You want to help her."
Danny's eyes widen. "I..."
"Danny, it's okay, you can talk to me about it."
"Really?" he asks, stunned.
"Really. It was obvious to me in LA that you were thinking about it. But it hasn't come up since."
He rubs his head again. "It's complicated."
"Well yeah. But not impossible."
He shakes his head and the corner of his mouth turns up into a reluctant smile. "Can I really talk to you about this?"
"You can talk to me about anything, you know that."
"Okay," he says looking relieved and he turns to face me, holding my hands.
"So when they first started thinking that they were having trouble, the doctors said they should just keep trying. But Jen started looking at all the different possibilities. I told her to quit it, but she can't help herself. She tortured herself with every possibility, so I naturally learned a fair bit along with her. Obviously we didn't know what their problem would turn out to be, but seeing it have such an effect on her, I promised myself that if it was a problem I could help with, I would." He pauses, thinking.
"So that night when you found out that they would need a sperm donor..." I prompt.
"Well I was all different by then. I had you." He lifts one of my hands to his lips.
"Different?"
"Well yeah, I was starting a new life, I wasn't the single guy that I thought I'd be when the time came."
"You didn't think you could discuss it with me?"
"It's a big ask, Liv. Oh honey, before we have our happy ever after, you don't mind if I impregnate my best friend do you?" he chuckles. "No way."
"But we didn't get to the happy ever after bit did we?"
"No, and that's where it gets complicated," he says. "See, after you left...” He swallows hard and thinks about whether or not to go on, I nod, urging him. “I wanted to put you behind me because I thought you bailed on us. I needed something to focus on. So I offered to be their sperm donor." He sighs. "They we were surprisingly on board, but I made them have a serious think about it first."
I listen patiently. "Then Jen told me that they wanted to go ahead...but only if I talked to you.” He grimaces. "We had quite a fight. She had tried everything else to get me to call you and apparently she wasn't above emotional blackmail. She was convinced you must have had a good reason for leaving and she told me she couldn't take my first child if I still had a chance with you. She said if you really left because you didn't want me anymore, she would never mention it again, but if I wanted her to consider my offer I had to try. They would only go through with it if we were back on the right track, or if I was single for good." He exhales as he remembers the scenario. "That's when I called Max and found out about Brooke...that's when you fell. By the next day I was here. I haven't talked to Jen about it since."
"How do you feel about it now?"
"Everything is different now. I have you. We are going to start a family."
"Is it the distance? Did you see yourself being more involved?"
"No, I only ever wanted to be Uncle Danny. It's not that. It's us. I don't want anything getting in between us. I just wish helping them could be simpler, less significant, you know?"
"I know, but what you have offered to do is huge."
"Which is why I won't do it." He sighs. "Jen understands. I just wish I didn't feel so bad. Especially now that we are trying to make a baby. How will I tell her when that happens?" I watch him imagine that conversation in his head, it pains him.
"I understand what it is to love someone like you love her. Don't forget that," I say stroking his fingers. "I would want to help Max." I readjust my grip on him so that his hands are in mine and I dip my head to establish eye contact. "You should do it."
His face slowly changes from pained, to bemused and finally settles on amazed. "Why are you so wonderful?"
I laugh. "I just want you to be happy, I get why this is so important to you."
"But they won't have any trouble picking another donor. It would be less complicated for everyone." He argues.
"Now that you're here though, wouldn't you like that tie to them? We are kind of a family already. It doesn't make it that much more fucked up! You're essentially married to her anyway. You give yourself to her emotionally and I have no problem with that because I have it too. We healed ourselves by replacing each other, in a way that lots of people wouldn't understand. But now that we've found each other again, we are more than just us two...Do it. Make them happy, because by doing that you'll make us happy. I couldn't stand it if we had a baby and I kept seeing that pained look on your face, because you felt guilty."
Danny assesses me, looking for some sort of crack in me that shows I'm just saying this to do the right thing. There isn't one, I truly mean this. I want him to do it. When he is sure, he grabs me in his arms and squeezes me tight. "Thank you," he whispers and I squeeze him back.
Chapter Twenty
Liv.
Happy birthday, baby.
Okay, where is he now? I’m starting to get a little ticked off. Every time I turn around these days Danny has nipped off somewhere. What is worse is he keeps taking Max with him. I don’t mind sharing, but it’s getting ridiculous. Ever since our offer was accepted on the house, he has been running around like a blue-arsed fly. I don’t even know what he gets up to. It’s an hour here, a couple there, but it’s every day. If he's picking stuff for the house, I’d like to be involved. If he's meeting the solicitor, I should be there…If he’s freaking out, I should know!
He is fidgety, even in the evenings, he is constantly checking emails and sending texts. He’s not troubled, he seems happy and he’s being really attentive too. Our ‘baby practice’ is going well, he can’t keep his hands off me. If I’m not carrying triplets right now, I’d be really surprised! I’m not, by the way. But we are working on it. I’m impressed with myself for not thinking the worst. The potential meaning of the fact that he is missing a lot, sending private texts and being overly attentive in the bedroom, isn’t lost on me. But I have no doubts this time, it isn’t even a consideration. Danny is all mine and mine alone. I would just like to know what he is up to.
I run into Max locking up the store room. He looks really guilty.
“Hey, where’s Danny,” I ask, pretending not to notice. I cut him a little slack today, it’s my thirtieth birthday tomorrow and they may well be planning something. That doesn’t account for almost a month of this weirdness, but I’ll let it go today.
“Parking the car, I think.” He shrugs.
“Oh.” I mutter turning away. I catch Max’s look of ‘Phew-that-was-close’ and I round on him. “I will get to the bottom of whatever it is you two are up to!” He pulls a face, but says nothing and I walk away feeling satisfied. I just wanted to put the wind up him, not ruin a surprise.