‘I’ve been to them before,’ Sandra said darkly. ‘And nothing’s happened. And then you two move in and…’
‘And your husband gets to shoulder his responsibilities,’ Nikki said warmly. ‘I’m so glad.’
Sandra smiled. For the first time in years she seemed young. ‘This will mean-oh, everything. We’ll have enough to eat for a change, and there’ll be money left over. I’ll be able to buy them new clothes, and take them to the pictures sometimes.’ She giggled. ‘And my husband…he’s not going to have all that great a time with his new girlfriend now,’ she chuckled. ‘Not with his wages being garnished for maintenance for the kids. Plus,’ she ended triumphantly, ‘all the stuff he bought on credit cards and I’ve been paying off. Some of it he’s still got and the rest he’s sold. His girlfriend was there when the social welfare people came around and she told them without thinking, “Oh, yeah, he bought that…That old stereo,” she said, “he sold it,” and things like that. And they told the credit people and the credit people transferred the debt. I don’t get to use the credit cards any more but I never did anyway. So now…so now he’s got to pay for the lot and I don’t have a single debt. I feel…I feel fantastic.’
‘Ready for Karen?’ Nikki said quietly.
Sandra’s smile faded. She met Nikki’s look without flinching. ‘I’m ready for Karen,’ she said. ‘I think…I think I’ve come to terms with what I’ve been doing with her. I just felt so darned useless…And Karen’s so like me. So when I felt like punishing myself I took everything out on her.’ She took a deep breath. ‘But it won’t happen any more, I promise you that. Karen… well, Karen’s going to be a little girl again. And I’m going to be a proper mother.’
‘You know there won’t be any more chances,’ Luke said heavily. ‘You know that, don’t you, Sandra?’
Sandra nodded. ‘I know you two have given me a second chance,’ she agreed. ‘I know that and I’ll be grateful forever. And I won’t mess it up.’
‘Karen can come back to Whispering Palms at any time,’ Nikki promised. ‘Use us as a safety-valve. If you feel the tension’s mounting then send her to us.’
‘To us’…Because she was standing beside Luke it sounded as if the invitation was from both of them and Sandra took it as such. She smiled at both of them in turn.
‘I’ll take you up on that if I ever need to,’ she promised. ‘But I won’t. I know that now.’ Suddenly she leaned forward and kissed Nikki on the cheek. ‘And Dr Russell?’
‘Yes?’ Nikki was flustered and it showed in her mounting colour.
‘I’m really glad you’ve been given a second chance too.’
Luke left them then, much to Nikki’s relief, and Sandra showed her around the house. It looked lovely. Finally Sandra walked her to the refrigerator and opened the door. The interior was crammed with the sort of food most children would die for-lemonade, cocktail sausages, chocolate éclairs, lamingtons…
A small boy sidled up beside Sandra as they looked and pulled his thumb from his mouth to announce, ‘No one’s allowed to eat anything until Karen comes home. It’s Karen’s welcome-home party ‘cos we’re glad she’s better and we missed her. Mummy’s put me in charge of seeing no one cheats.’
And this was the little boy who’d triggered the scene that had ended with Karen’s broken arm. Nikki smiled down at him and wondered just how she’d react, given the scenario of not having enough food to feed her children. She looked back to Sandra and saw that Sandra guessed her thoughts.
‘It tore me apart,’ she whispered. ‘To be hungry myself and still watch Karen be hungry-and for her not to complain…’
‘It won’t happen again,’ Nikki said softly. ‘It’s over.’
‘I know.’ Sandra smiled happily. ‘And guess what? I’ve got a spare room and Dr Luke suggested I might take in a boarder. It’ll mean even more money, and I’ll have someone-some adult-to talk to.’ She grimaced. ‘I know I’ve been treating Karen too much like an adult-but then, I’ve needed to. I’ve been so darned lonely.’
‘I know the feeling,’ Nikki said softly, and their eyes linked in a moment of understanding. And Nikki knew in that moment that Sandra would ask for help if she needed it. There was a bond between them which both recognised.
Nikki left then, her heart a little lighter because of the family’s obvious happiness. She glanced at her watch as the door closed behind her. It would take her half an hour to walk home, which left her with a solid afternoon to study. On Sunday-in two days’ time-she had to climb on to an aeroplane and face the exam in Cairns.
It no longer had meaning. It was a meaningless milestone she was aiming for because she had nothing else to do. Nothing but face a future which was bleak and empty.
‘I still have Amy,’ she said aloud. ‘And Beattie. And Whispering Palms. And a good job.’
And it sounded empty. There was a void that only Luke could fill.
She looked up towards the road and her heart stilled. Her car was parked on the corner. Luke was waiting.
He got out of the car as she approached, and watched her walk towards him.
‘I thought you were late for surgery,’ she said nervously.
‘So sack me.’
She shook her head, and unbidden tears threatened behind her eyes. ‘You know…you know I wouldn’t.’
He shrugged. ‘I thought you could do with a ride, seeing as I’m using your car. It’s bloody stupid walking so far in the midday sun.’
‘I know,’ Nikki said bitterly. ‘I’m bloody stupid.’
He glanced over at her as he started the car, and his mouth tightened. It was as if he was agreeing with her.
‘You leave for Cairns on Sunday,’ he said evenly.
‘Yes.’
‘Your exams are on Monday and Tuesday.’
‘Yes.’ She couldn’t think of anything further to say.
‘And you’ll be back here on Wednesday.’
She nodded, unable to trust her voice.
‘I’ll leave here first thing Thursday, then.’
‘Fine.’ She hardly recognised her voice. It was tight, young and forlorn: She sounded about Amy’s age, lost, desolate and alone.
Once more he glanced at her and then stared determinedly back at the road. ‘It’s better this way,’ he said finally.
‘Why?’ It was all she could do to whisper. ‘Where…where are you going?’
‘I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll go back to Sydney for a while. Spend some more time on my column.’
‘Fine.’ She couldn’t think of anything else to say. Instead Nikki sat with her hands clenched tight in her lap and waited to be deposited home.
There was little more preparation she could do for the exam. If she didn’t know what she needed now, she never would. Nikki desultorily packed and stared aimlessly at her books for the rest of the weekend. On Saturday she took Karen home to be welcomed by a tearful Sandra and her joyful brothers and sister, but that was the only cheerful spot in the day.
‘When you get back there’ll be no Karen and no Dr Luke,’ Amy said dolefully as she hugged her mother goodbye on Sunday. ‘Mummy, what are we going to do?’
‘We survived fine by ourselves,’ Nikki told her daughter, forcing a smile.
‘But we weren’t happy,’ Amy reminded her. ‘Dr Luke makes me laugh.’
He doesn’t make me laugh, Nikki said to herself sadly. She clenched a tight wad of paper in her hand-a note left on the kitchen table when Luke had left this morning on one of his interminable house calls.
‘Good luck,’ the note read. ‘Love, Luke.’
‘Love…You don’t know what love is,’ Nikki whispered to the absent Luke as she made her farewells. ‘You have it. If you want it, it’s yours…’
Nikki stayed in the staff residence of the hospital while she sat her exams. It was the same hospital she’d stayed in the night she’d come down with her two casualties. She took the opportunity of visiting them and her spirits lifted a little as she found both recovering well.