‘I’m sure he is,’ Nikki said gently. ‘Luke’s sensible, Megan. He’ll be being careful.’
Careful and remote as the South Pole, she thought bleakly.
Megan left soon after, and Nikki faced a long and sleepless night.
In the morning she sat the first of her exams. They seemed easy, or maybe that was just because Nikki’s mind was elsewhere. She answered perfunctorily and if sometimes one of her examiners seemed annoyed, well, Nikki couldn’t help it.
She was nervous, though. She must be. Nikki had sat down in the hospital cafeteria for breakfast on the Monday morning only to be nauseated by the sight of so much food. She’d been ill before she’d gone into the exam. Her stomach had settled as she worked, but on Tuesday morning it happened again.
Nerves? It was almost as if…
The thought struck Nikki out of the blue halfway through an oral examination on bone-structure on the Tuesday afternoon. Strange sensations suddenly slid into frightening place.
Somehow Nikki managed to answer the professor’s questions. There was one other written exam, which she completed in not much more than half the time stipulated. She walked out of the examination-room and didn’t stop until she reached the hospital pharmacy.
An hour later Charlotte knocked on Nikki’s door. Hearing no response, she turned the knob to find it unlocked. Nikki was sitting on the bed staring out of the window.
‘Hey, what’s this?’ Charlotte chided her. ‘I thought you’d be out painting the town red.’ She plonked herself down on the bed beside her friend. ‘Or did the exam go badly?’
‘It went OK,’ Nikki said listlessly.
‘Well, what-?’ Charlotte broke off. Her eyes
caught sight of what lay on Nikki’s bedside table. A small bottle, a plastic box and an eye-dropper. Charlotte leaned forward and picked up the box. The paper in the window on the front of the box showed a firm, definite cross.
Charlotte glanced across to where Nikki was still staring intently out of the window, and then looked back at the box.
‘A cross,’ she said conversationally. ‘Who’s the lucky girl, then?’
‘Charlotte, don’t.’ Nikki put her hands up to her face and her shoulders heaved. With a gasp Charlotte leaned over to grasp her friend.
‘Hey, honey, don’t. This isn’t the end of the world. How far…?’
‘I’m only just,’ Nikki wailed. ‘I’m only a week overdue. I just couldn’t…’
‘Luke?’
Nikki closed her eyes. ‘Of course Luke,’ she whispered. ‘Who else?’
‘Who else indeed?’ Charlotte whistled silently over Nikki’s tumbled curls. ‘Holy heck, Nikki, love, I thought you had more sense.’
‘I did. I do. He’s supposed to be sterile…’
And then the whole story came tumbling out while Charlotte’s frown deepened and her hold on her friend’s shoulders tightened.
‘Well,’ she said at last. ‘What now, Nikki Russell?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said bleakly. ‘I can’t think… I…He was so sure that he was sterile…’
‘When was he tested?’
‘I don’t know,’ Nikki wailed. And then she remembered what Megan had said. ‘Just…just after the last lot of chemotherapy. He was very anxious.’
‘Too anxious,’ Charlotte said grimly. ‘If he tested too soon…’
‘Surely he would have re-tested if he’d been negative,’ Nikki whispered. ‘When it was so important to him…’
‘Maybe that’s why he didn’t re-test.’ Charlotte shrugged. ‘To submit yourself to a sperm count when you think you’re sterile must be pretty darned demoralising. If he got a really low count he would have assumed it would stay low. The chances of it rising are pretty darned small.’
‘Small but possible,’ Nikki said bleakly. ‘And guess who wins the prize?’
Charlotte shook her head. ‘You always were the lucky one. Nikki…Nikki, you realise it’s early enough to do something about the pregnancy?’
‘No.’
‘Just like that?’
‘Just like that,’ Nikki told her. ‘I could have done the same when I was pregnant with Amy. I was broke and frightened and much younger. And if I had, I would have missed out on my lovely daughter, and besides…’
‘Besides?’ Charlotte prompted.
‘This is Luke’s child.’
‘I see.’ Charlotte looked hard at her friend and her heart sank. Luke Marriott had claimed another victim, then. ‘So tell Luke,’ she said heavily. ‘I’ve never heard that Luke Marriott didn’t take his responsibilities seriously. Maybe…maybe he’ll want to marry you.’
‘For a happy-ever-after ending?’ Nikki gave a short, harsh laugh. ‘Is that what you think?’
‘If he thinks he’s sterile he’ll be delighted about the baby.’
‘Yes.’ Nikki nodded. ‘He’s taken his sterility hard. And family is important to him. You’re right, Charlie. If I told him, then Luke would marry me.’
‘And you don’t want that?’
Nikki shook her head. ‘Not…not on those terms.’
‘But he made love to you. He must feel…’
‘He made love to me out of some crazy, stupid scheme to shake me out of my isolation and misery. For the same reason as you pinched all my clothes. Well, it worked only too well. I’m not isolated any more. I’m going to be the mother of two.’
‘Oh, Nikki, will you cope?’
‘Sure I’ll cope,’ Nikki whispered. ‘The town will talk behind my back-but they always have. Beattie will stand by me. And I have my career. Isn’t it lucky I’ve just done this damned exam?’ Her voice broke on a sob and she buried her face in her hands.
‘Nikki…’ Charlotte held out a hand helplessly to her friend and then withdrew it. ‘Nikki, you’ll have to tell him. It’s not fair…Apart from anything else, he has to know he’s not firing blanks.’
Shaken, Nikki looked up sharply and Charlotte shrugged and grinned. ‘Well, he does…’
‘If he had a low sperm count he must only have marginal fertility,’ Nikki said slowly. ‘He could try for twenty years and not father another child.’
‘Or he could do the same tomorrow.’
Nikki nodded. ‘OK,’ she said slowly. ‘I’ll tell him.’ She took a deep breath. Her face was set. ‘But not yet. I’ll let him get right away from Eurong and then I’ll write to him, care of the medical board. They’ll forward a letter. But it won’t be for a while yet. I’ll give myself time to have the strength to tell him to go to blazes when he demands that I marry him.’
‘That’s really what you want to do?’
‘He’ll love our baby,’ Nikki said bleakly. ‘But he doesn’t love me. So…so it’s what I really have to do.’
CHAPTER TEN
NIKKI arrived back at Eurong the following afternoon to find Beattie and Amy waiting for her at the airport. Amy raced across the tarmac to envelop her mother in a bear-hug.
‘Mummy, guess what? We’re going to have a Luke party!’
‘A Luke party.’ Nikki buried her face in her daughter’s chubby shoulder for longer than usual, finding comfort in that small person’s presence. Another Amy? Maybe…maybe someone who looked like Luke…
‘A Luke party,’ she said again unsteadily, bringing her face up to smile at Beattie. ‘What’s a Luke party?’
‘Luke’s going tomorrow,’ Amy told her, her face momentarily clouding. ‘But Beattie said tonight we’re having a party to say welcome home Mummy and goodbye Dr Luke. Only…only I think it would be nicer if Luke thought the party was just for him. If you don’t mind?’ she asked anxiously.
‘I don’t mind.’ Nikki set her daughter back on to her feet. ‘And what delicacies have we planned for such an event?’
‘All the food he’ll like best,’ Amy said proudly. ‘Little red sausages. Bread and butter and hundreds and thousands. Jelly beans. Red lemonade. Sausage rolls…’
‘Wow!’ Nikki grinned. ‘What man could ask for more?’