Staring at him, she tried to see past the wariness to the truth below. She wasn’t sure what she found, but it wasn’t good. “This isn’t about equipment or the recon,” she said slowly. “What’s really going on here?”
He hesitated, then glanced around to make sure nobody else was in earshot. Lowering his voice to a near whisper, but sounding far more like the Dez she knew, he said, “I don’t feel good about this, Reese. There are too many damn unknowns, too many gaps in the plan.” When she drew breath, he held up a hand. “I’m not trying to box you in or overprotect you, or if I am, it’s for my own benefit.”
She told herself not to overreact. “Because you’d be worried about me? That’s thin, Mendez.”
“It’s more than that.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, wincing. “My damn head isn’t just killing me, it’s stuffed full. I’m trying to juggle too many pieces of intel right now, and I’m afraid that if I get distracted, even for a second, I’m going to drop the wrong one at exactly the wrong moment, make the wrong decision, and get someone killed. Or, worse, get us all killed.”
She saw the truth in his eyes, read it in the trickle of energy between them. “Then let me help.”
“I would, I swear. But you’ve never been in one of these things before. Take the bloodiest gang skirmish you can imagine and triple it, and then imagine that everybody on the other side keeps getting back up and walking back into the line of fire. Take Iago as you saw him in the ice cave and make him ten times more powerful, because he’ll be on his own turf and channeling the solstice. And then put the Nightkeepers in the middle of that. Yeah, we’ll be amped up on the solstice, too, but we’re going to be making it up as we go along, and we’ll probably be fighting our asses off the whole way.”
“You don’t trust me to watch your back?” The stomach churn had escalated to a full-on roil, but she wasn’t sure if that was because she was missing something, or because she could actually see his point and didn’t want to.
He raised a hand and skimmed his knuckles along her jaw. “I trust you.”
“But?”
“It’s me I don’t trust. I’ve only been doing the Nightkeeper thing for a year, and I’ve been in charge of this circus for, what, twenty-six hours? There’s no way I can lead the team at the same time that I’m thinking about where you are, whether you’re safe.” He touched her lips, smiling slightly, though his eyes stayed serious. “I know you don’t want that to be my responsibility, so let’s call it my prerogative as your lover. Or are you going to tell me that you won’t be worried about me?”
She closed her eyes briefly as his question brought the fears she’d been trying so hard to suppress. “Of course I’m going to be worried. But I’d be way less worried if I were right behind you with a gun.”
“Well, I’d be more worried, because if you’re watching out for me and I’m giving orders, then nobody’s watching out for you.”
And, damn it, she didn’t have an answer for that.
He saw it in her eyes, but to his credit, he didn’t gloat. “Gods willing we make it through today somehow, there’ll be plenty more fighting to do, once I’ve got my feet under me and my head back on straight.” He took her hand, lifted it to his heart, and held it there for a moment. She felt the steady beat beneath her scabbed-over palm, and the vibration of his voice as he said, “I know I promised no more waiting around for the perfect moment, but I’m asking you to give me this one. Stay with Lucius, please.”
She hesitated, then nodded. She wanted to fight by his side, yes, but not if it would jeopardize the others. “Okay, you can have this one. But I get the next one.”
“You can have anything you want.” He leaned in and touched his lips to hers in a barely there kiss that seared through her, kicking shimmers through the thin thread of energy that connected them. She reached up, got him by the collar in a pose that had come to mean so much to them, and drew him down for a deeper, darker kiss. The energy amped and flowed, and for a second, she had that strange, disjointed sensation again, the one where she imagined she was inside him, feeling his heartbeat and desire as her own. It was only for a flash, though, and then she was back in her own perceptions as he ended the kiss and whispered against her lips, “Thank you.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll get you back later.” Moved, and all too aware that there may not be a “later” for them—for anyone—she turned away before he saw the glint of tears. “I’ll go see how Lucius is doing.”
“Yeah. I should go get suited up.”
She turned back. “Oh, and—” Whatever else she may have said died instantly the moment she caught sight of his profile and saw his expression: pure relief, underlain with a look she hadn’t seen in years, but had once been all too familiar. It was the one that said, “I played that one perfectly.”
Her blood iced and her breath backed up in her lungs. “Son. Of. A. Bitch.”
He whipped back around, expression blanking. “Reese? What’s wrong?”
“You finished congratulating yourself for playing me?”
“I wasn’t . . .” He checked himself—a brief hesitation that spoke volumes. “It’s not what you think.”
Emotions slammed through her in quick succession—shame on the heels of anger, followed by a massive dose of “oh, shit” as she got it. She freaking got it, like it was lit up in neon across his wide chest. “Leaving me behind isn’t about safety or distractions, or some such bullshit, is it? You don’t want me there because you’re planning something and you’re afraid I’ll call you on it, warn the others.”
His eyes cut left and right, making sure they were still alone. “Of course I’m planning something—it’s called a battle, and as tough as you are, Reese, you’re not tough enough for what we’re going to be up against today.”
“You’re trying to divert me by pissing me off. Which means I’m right. What—” She broke off as the hated images flashed through her mind: Hood lying dead; a serpent ring in a pool of blood. Pain sliced through her when the pattern fit, repeated itself. Holy shit, he was going to take out the king regardless of what else happened. He would make it look like an accident, an enemy attack, a slip with the shield spell at the wrong moment. “Strike,” she whispered aghast, then realized her mistake when Dez’s eyes changed, hardening and going cold.
Run! her instincts screamed, suddenly far clearer than they had been in weeks. She ducked, spun, and bolted for the nearest door, knowing there was no way she could take him down without help. She had to get to the others, had to warn them!
A shield materialized in front of her, spitting static and making her hair stand on end. She slapped her palms against it and screamed, “Hel—” Fatigue slammed into her and her muscles gave out, dropping her to her knees, then the floor.
She landed on her side, unmoving, but fought the sleep spell with everything she had, forcing her eyes to stay open even as her vision blurred and the darkness crept in. A camouflage-clad blur moved in front of her, then crouched down. She couldn’t see his face, but she could feel his anger. “Damn it, Reese, I didn’t want to do that. But you had to be a stubborn—” He broke off as footsteps sounded in a nearby hallway. “Shit.”
He gathered her up and lifted her easily, cradling her close to his chest. She could hear his heartbeat, quick and agitated at first, then slowing as he got her through the archway to the residential wing. No! she cried inwardly. Someone, help! Not because she was afraid that he was going to hurt her physically, but because she knew what he was going to do: Keep her out of sight and mind until it was too late.