Celia files out of the room like she’s walking to her execution, and shuts the door behind her. I hear muffled voices, but I can’t make out words, tone, or mood.
So I sit and wait. And I suck at waiting. I’m not a man who can sit on his hands, so I pace.
“No! No, you can’t just walk away!”
It’s the first thing I’ve understood since Celia left me, and it sends chills down my spine. Audrey’s words are harsh and laced with anger. A deep sob is the only response to her words, and it takes all my strength not to barrel through the door.
I hear the front door closing, and several minutes pass before the bedroom door opens slowly, and Celia reenters the room. Her motions are stilted and she looks almost frightened. I rush to her and crush her to me. I hold her face in my hands and take in her fallen expression.
She refuses to meet my gaze.
“Celia, look at me.” Her eyes stop on mine for only a moment before they dart away. “What did she say to you?”
“She saw your truck in the drive and your boots by the door. She knows.” Her voice is a vacant whisper. There is no fight left in her words.
“Good, I’m glad. Our friends were going to find out sooner or later anyway. Hell, Adam probably already knows, since he lives next door. We have nothing to hide. We’ve done nothing wrong.”
I look to her for some type of agreement, but her mouth turns down, and her bottom lip trembles.
“I need you to leave, Cain.”
“Okay, I’ll go for now. Why don’t I head home, and I’ll come by and pick you up this afternoon. I’ll take you fishing.”
“No.”
“No? What the fuck do you mean, ‘no’?”
She tries to break my embrace and step away, but I tighten my hold. With that one motion, it all becomes clear to me. Tiny seconds paint the picture. It’s a moment full of yearning. For me, I long for this beautiful girl wrapped in my arms, but she longs for someone else.
And I’m the fool.
“This was a mistake. I’ve made a mistake.”
And there it is.
“You’re wrong,” I say forcefully. She shakes her head and pushes my chest, but I won’t relent. “Nothing about you and me is a mistake, and you know it. You have my heart, Celia, and I know I have yours.”
“I haven’t had ownership of my heart in many years. It’s not mine to give,” she says robotically.
“Fuck that! I don’t believe it. I don’t believe you.” She cries out in frustration and breaks away from my grasp. She turns her back and covers her face with her hands. I’m not going to let her hide from me. “I don’t believe you, Celia. I feel it. I feel you. And no matter what you say, I know I have your heart. I know it beats for me.”
“No.”
“I love you.”
“Stop.”
“I’m in love with you.”
“Stop it, Cain!”
I get closer, willing her to turn around and see me. If she wants to eviscerate what we have, she should have to look me in the eye when she does it. I deserve that much.
“Stop what, Celia?”
“Just stop!”
“Say it! What do you want me to stop?”
She whips around and glares at me, muscles tense, eyes blazing, ready to strike.
“Stop loving me!”
Her words are a slap in my face, and I jerk back from the impact. I’m speechless. I’m wounded. I’m fucking furious.
After an eternity of silence, she whispers painfully, “You’re making what I have to do, who I have to be, so hard.”
“It was never my intention to make it easy for you, Celia. I did, however, plan on making it worth it. Not anymore.”
I grab my shirt off the bed and throw it on, itching like hell to get the fuck out of here. I can’t stand the sight of this room, this bed. I can’t stand the sight of her.
“I never should have led you on. I never should have started this with you. I’m so sorry, Cain.” With slumped shoulders, she releases a sob that she catches with a hand over her mouth.
“Really? That’s the tune you’re gonna play?” I wait for an answer, but she continues to stare at the floor. “You sure weren’t singing that song twenty minutes ago when my dick was in your mouth!”
Her gasp lets me know I hit my target, and my anger refuses to let me regret it. She’s gutted me, and I feel inclined to return the sentiment.
I storm to the door and stop at the entrance. This is it. I’m walking away from the first thing that’s ever felt real to me … fuck that, I’m not walking away; she’s kicking me out. Before I leave, I feel inclined to ask the one question that sits at the forefront of my mind.
“Don’t you ever wish for more than a memory?” I ask without turning around.
Her quiet cries amplify with my question, and I wait for her answer. “I wish for everything, but it doesn’t mean I can have it.”
I walk out of the room and head for the door. I walk out because I can’t bear to hear any more. I leave because I can’t fight for someone who is so unwilling to fight for herself … for us. It nearly kills me, but I walk away.
I pull on my boots and walk out of the house without looking back. It’s the only way I can do it. I hurry to my truck and crank the engine. I throw it in gear, but something catches my eye before I start backing up. Lily and Gage are in their driveway running circles around a stoic Audrey, tossing the basketball back and forth. Her arms are crossed, and her glaring eyes are trained on me.
“What the fuck?” I whisper to myself.
As I’m backing away, I see Adam standing on his porch, shaking his head at me. Yeah, I guess he called it. I’m just hoping he has the decency to skip the “I told you so” bullshit.
I didn’t see it before, but now it’s clear to me. This is an unfair fight. It’s a fight I can’t win. I can’t make her choose me over a ghost. No amount of love will erase the memories she has. Instead of competition, there’s obligation. How do I compete with that?
I guess I don’t. No matter how much it hurts, or how much it crushes me, I’m letting her go.
“Tightrope” by Ron Pope
Present Day
THE SLAM OF the door resonates through me with an overwhelming sense of finality. I don’t know how I thought this could end any other way. Honestly, I spent the last few months refusing to look ahead. Cain woke me up. The world had color again. My laughter was true. My love was real.
And now he’s gone, and I have no one to blame but myself.
I grip the edge of my bureau and pray for composure as I hear the front door open again. Her heels click as she walks through the house, and I don’t dare turn around. I allow the tears to fall silently, but I can’t show Audrey.
Her footsteps stop, and I feel her presence in the doorway. She watches me for a time, and I try to push the hatred away. She doesn’t deserve that from me—none of this is her fault.
“Are you ready?” she asks in a curt tone.
“Almost,” I say in an even tone. “Please give me a few minutes, Audrey.”
She’s silent, but she doesn’t leave. I shuffle jewelry, makeup, whatever I can get my hands on, around the bureau, hoping she’ll walk away.
“Tell me this is nothing, Celia. Please tell me it was just a fling.”
I shut my eyes and swallow the whimper in my throat. She doesn’t want to know the truth. Her love, her loyalty, will always be with Lucas.
And so will mine. It’s the only way.
So I grip the ledge with white knuckles and lie to my best friend. “It was only a fling, Audrey. It didn’t mean anything.”
And I feel a part of me disappear with the lie.