“Do What You Have To Do” by Sarah McLachlan
Present Day
I HURRY THROUGH the sliding doors and ring the bell sitting on the counter of the nurse’s station. A young woman sitting behind the desk tips her eyes to mine while popping her gum and playing around on her phone. She doesn’t say a word, but looks to me expectantly. I guess that’s my cue.
“Hi, my name is Celia Lemaire. I’m a therapist from New Horizons Outreach Center. Someone paged me about a patient in need of crisis counseling. Am I in the right place?”
The employee of the month tosses her phone on the counter with a clang and walks to the doorway that opens to the emergency room.
“Someone call for crisis management?” she bellows at the top of her lungs.
I hear a shuffling behind the door, and a blur of blond hair and blue scrubs waves me forward. I grab my belongings off the counter and get moving, passing the gum-popping princess along the way.
“Thank you for your help.” I turn around to meet her eyes, but she’s already back at the desk, phone in hand. “Alrighty then,” I mutter under my breath.
“Hey, I’m Alice. Thanks so much for coming out so late. The SANE nurse is examining the patient right now, so I can give you a little background before you meet her.”
She flips through the chart at lightning speed, and I’m thinking it’s probably the only way Alice runs—all cylinders, all the time. I’m still rubbing the sleep out of my red-rimmed eyes, so I need to wake up and keep up. I’ve recently taken over the majority of crisis management at the clinic, so late night calls are expected. I think Caroline needed a bit of a break, and I needed to fill my time. Idle time and wandering thoughts are my enemy as of late, since my mind always goes back to Cain. Extra work is my best option for keeping busy.
SANE stands for sexual assault nurse examiner, and they are specially trained nurses who are experts at collecting evidence for criminal cases, while taking into account the fragile nature of the victim. If this is indeed a sexual assault, I’d like to know as much about the situation as I can before I meet the patient.
“What can you tell me about what happened?”
Alice blows out a breath and shakes her head. “It’s a sad case. Truth be told, they’re all sad, but this one is gonna stick with me. Eighteen-year-old girl. She’s in her first year of college and practically oozes innocence. One look at her and you’ll see what I mean. She told us she was a virgin before tonight. This was also her very first real date. She thought they were meeting for a midnight picnic in the park. How romantic, right?” Alice bites her lip and looks to the ceiling with misty eyes. “No one heard a word, or if they did, they didn’t come to her rescue. He roughed her up good and left her there. She crawled out of the brush and stumbled to her car and drove over here. She walked in the front door with leaves and twigs stuck in her hair and blood caked to the insides of her legs. She won’t let us call any family.”
“I’ll talk with her, see if she’ll change her mind about that.” I flip through the chart and notice she gave no next of kin.
“I’d appreciate it,” Alice says as she walks away. “Let me check on the progress in there, and I’ll be right back.”
It doesn’t take long before a frustrated Alice returns. “She’s refusing the examination. The SANE nurse on call tonight is one of the best, but she’s not getting through to her. Do you think you could give it a shot?”
“Of course.”
As we approach the curtain partition, I steel myself for what I’m about to see. No matter how many of these calls I take, they never get easier. The look of a woman who has had the most intimate part of herself ripped away is gutting. The loss is palpable, a thick and suffocating cloud of sorrow and loss.
Alice draws back the utilitarian green curtain, and I follow closely behind her. She stops at the foot of the bed, and I hear a quiet sob release.
“Violet, I’d like you to meet Celia. She’s a therapist who works with the hospital from time to time. Just like Marlo, she’s here to help you.”
My eyes dart across the room and lock in on an equally shocked Marlo. I lose the surprised look and quickly train my face back to a smile, and so does she. Why didn’t Marlo ever mention she was a SANE nurse?
I turn my attention to Violet, and sit in a chair at her bedside. She’s curled up in the fetal position, eyes clenched shut, fingers gripping the sheet covering her shrinking body.
“Hi Violet. Is it okay with you if I hold your hand?” I ask softly in an effort not to frighten her.
“Are you gonna try to get me to press charges, too,” she whispers without ever opening her eyes.
I look over at Marlo, and she gives me a tight smile. She shrugs her shoulders as if to say she’s done all she can.
“No, I’m not going to try to convince you of anything. Right now, I’d only like to hold your hand and tell you this isn’t your fault.” I reach over and push her mussed hair behind her ear and run my fingers through to the strands. “Nothing that happened tonight is your fault, Violet.”
I slide my hand into hers, and she flinches slightly before she catches herself. A tear slides out of her eye and travels over the bridge of her nose. “I’m so s-s-stupid. I really thought he liked me.”
“You didn’t invite this. None of the blame is on you,” Marlo says with conviction.
Violet turns toward Marlo’s voice and sniffs. “Why didn’t you press charges? I know you said you regret it now, but what were your reasons then?”
Wait … what???
Marlo winces, but she recovers quickly. Her eyes dart to mine and then move back to Violet. “I had so many reasons that night, and they seemed like the most important things in the world. I’ve never felt so violated, and the thought of anyone examining me felt like salt in a gaping wound. I had drugs in my system, and not all of them were slipped to me by my attacker. Some I took willingly, and I feared the repercussions of my actions. There were people in my life who I wanted to keep my attack from at all costs. That wouldn’t happen if I pressed charges. I just knew I was making the right decision.”
I’m beginning to think I’ve entered an alternate universe, because I don’t recognize the girl Marlo just described. The Marlo I know doesn’t drink anything stronger than Diet Dr. Pepper. The thought of her using drugs is something I just can’t reconcile with the woman I know today. Then again, I know what it means to hide a part of yourself, stow a piece of your life away from the world.
“And what do you think now?” Violet whispers, pulling me back to the here and now.
“That’s the thing. Time brought clarity to the situation, and only then was I able to see things as they actually were. No policeman would have arrested a rape victim for recreational drug use, but at the time, I was petrified. And the person I never wanted to find out about the attack? I haven’t spoken to him since. I made a major life decision based on a person who was fleeting. You know what isn’t fleeting?” Marlo leans into Violet and places her fingers over our clasped hands. “My regret.”
Violet mulls over Marlo’s words. “So you wish you would have pressed charges?”
“I wish I wouldn’t have erased the option. I left the hospital that day, went home, and scrubbed every piece of evidence away with a rough sponge and a hot shower. I scrubbed until my skin was angry and raw, just like me, and every hope of vindication ran down the shower drain.” Marlo inches closer and squeezes our joined hands. “I’m not trying to push you to press charges today, Violet. I’m just hoping to keep you from regretting the decision you make tonight for the rest of your life.”
The room grows eerily quiet with an occasional sniffle from Violet. Minutes pass before she releases our hands and pushes herself up to sitting position. She inhales a deep breath and brushes her hair out of her face.