“What the hell?”
“I’m trying to knock some sense into you, you big dummy. Sara loves you and these two little hellions,” I say, pointing at Lily and Gage stealing chocolates off the dessert platter. Adam swipes at them, causing another round of giggles. He grabs a wet washcloth off the counter and bends down to wipe sticky fingers before they stain their new clothes. I smile at the sweet chaos of it all. “Let go of perfect and just be you. She’ll love it.”
Adam stands up and kisses the top of my head. “You’re right. It wouldn’t be us if at least part of dinner didn’t end up on the floor,” he says with a laugh.
Adam enlisted my help last month, determined to give Sara the perfect proposal. I’ve searched high and low for the best food and flowers. He brought Marlo and me ring shopping. Even Marlo’s jaded view of love couldn’t ruin the magic of it all. We may have even made a tiny chip in her armor of steel.
If Adam waits one more day to pop the question, Sara may spontaneously combust. Her patience ran out long ago, and, at this point, I think she’d be happy if he just tossed the ring box in her lap. She’s more interested in starting happily ever after than the production it takes to get there.
A quick knock on the front door makes Adam’s eyes go wide. Sara’s voice fills the house as we all freeze in excitement … anticipation…
“Adam, where are you? What’s with the mysterious note?”
Adam’s lips turn up into a giant smile, and he high-fives Lily and Gage as they jump up and down excitedly.
“Showtime!” he whispers, his voice laced with forever.
I place the decadent cupcake on the crystal plate and dust everything with edible glitter. Marlo thought of everything when given the task of making the perfect dessert for tonight. Lavender cupcakes with candied petals strategically placed on top a mound of honey frosting. I hand the first plate to Lily, and she nods solemnly as she walks slowly into the dining room, the cupcake teetering dangerously. I turn around to hand Gage the other cupcake just as he pops a candied petal into his mouth.
“It’s good,” he mumbles, as he chews his stolen treat, not one ounce of guilt showing on his face.
I giggle as I rustle his perfectly coifed hair. He pulls back, scowling as he molds his faux-hawk back into place. Like father, like son.
“No stealing, little man. Marlo made Sm’oreo cupcakes for you and Lily. You can have them a little later tonight with that plate of chocolates.”
“Yes!” he says with a tiny dude fist pump.
I hand Gage the dessert plate, and he follows after Lily to the dining room. I peek through the door just in time to see Lily placing her tiara on Sara’s bent head. For those of us who know Lily, there is no greater seal of approval. Lily sharing her princess status is huge.
Tiny feet hustle back to the kitchen and grab onto my legs, peeking around into the dining room.
“This is it, right, Aunt Cece?” Lily’s eyes dance with excitement, and Gage squeezes my leg tighter.
“Yes, my sweet girl, this is it. Now shh,” I whisper with a finger to my lips.
The house is filled with electrified silence—the only sound the clanging of metal and crystal. I chance a look, and my heart fills to the brim at the adoration radiating from Adam as he watches Sara. He’s truly found his match.
He inches his chair closer to hers and reaches out. His thumb runs over her ribcage as he whispers, “I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart.”
She leans into him. “I fear no fate for you are my fate, my sweet,” she murmurs against his lips.
I smile at their exchange, knowing E.E. Cummings’s words are tattooed on each of their ribcages. We all swooned as Sara told us the story at one of our girls’ lunches.
His mouth covers hers, and their bodies relax together on a heated sigh. I cover Lily and Gage’s mouths to muffle their snickering.
Adam rests his head on Sara’s, a small smile playing on his lips. “You know, Cummings wrote verses in between those two lines.”
“He did, didn’t he? I forget what they are…”
“’I am never without it. Anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling.’ I’ve rolled those verses over in my head a million times this week. They’re inked on my skin and etched on my heart … because of you.”
“I love you so much.” Her words release on a ragged breath, emotion radiating from her every pore.
Adam’s thumb brushes across her cheek as he lightly kisses her and pulls away. “I’ve had my fair share of dark and hard in my life, but loving you and the kids is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. And I want to do it every day, for the rest of my life.”
Adam drops from his chair and onto one knee as Sara gasps into her hand. Tears well up in my eyes, and the room hums with anticipation. I put a hand on each of the children, physically holding them back from crashing the proposal.
“Let me love you forever, Sara. Say you’ll be my wife.”
He opens his hand to reveal the tiny box, but never has the chance to open it. Sara throws her hands around his neck and lunges forward, tackling him to the ground.
“Yes, yes, yes, yes…” she repeats as she peppers his face with tiny kisses and laughter.
Squeals erupt from Lily and Gage, and it’s getting harder to hold them back. “Careful lovelies,” I whisper as I open the floodgates.
They bound into the dining room, and in a flash of fur and ribbons, jump right on top of the pile.
“I want to wear a white dress, too, Ra Ra,” Lily exclaims in a fit of laughter as Adam tickles her belly.
Lily’s tiara rolls onto the carpet as Sara wraps her arms around the pile of haphazard limbs. “Of course, my sweet.”
I head into the kitchen and wrap the few leftovers in aluminum foil before sneaking out the kitchen door. This is a time for family, and I would never dream of intruding.
I traipse across the dark lawn, careful not to trip on tree knots and children’s toys. I smile to myself as I go over the events of the night in my head. These last few months have been rather solitary for me, so tonight was quite the treat.
Tonight also served as a precursor to this weekend’s activities—a chance to get my feet wet before the big shindig. After spending nearly all of my time with my head down and my thoughts buried in my work, I have to face the music that no longer plays for me. I, along with Cain and Kimberly, will be attending Alex and West’s wedding.
I avoid get-togethers, leave early with concocted excuses, and all together ignore phone calls to avoid watching it happen. I always knew Cain would move on with his life and leave me behind. That doesn’t mean I want a front row seat to the show.
I’m accustomed to living my life looking backward. Memories are what fuel me because my current life threatens to pull me under every day. So I remember Lucas before the illness. I think of Grams and her whimsical nuggets about life and love. I dream of Cain before he gave up on me—before he loved someone else.
Memories keep me breathing and sane, but sometimes the longing it creates is too much. Tonight, I’m overflowing. Tonight, the silence settling in my soul crushes me.
That’s why I dial a familiar phone number and pray for the sound of his voice, even if it’s all I can have.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
The phone connects, and my ear is filled with infectious laughter, but it’s not Cain’s voice I hear.
“Cain’s phone, how can I help you—stop it, Cain, that tickles!”
“Give me the phone, babe, and I’ll stop,” Cain says in the background with a chuckle. The warmth in his voice sends ice through my veins.
A squeal pierces my ear, and I pull the phone away, hitting the END button in a panic. God, I feel like such an idiot. What in the hell was I thinking?