“What if we trick her into killing herself? Like we put an overdose of sleeping pills in a drink for her?” That’s all I can come up with. There’s no way Doris is going to go voluntarily.
“I think that would technically be murder. I don’t think we can fool the afterlife,” Naomi says.
“Okay, what if we convince her to play a game of Russian roulette? We have nothing to lose.”
“I don’t think she’ll fall for that.”
“What are we supposed to do?” I ask. Naomi is really smart. She should be able to figure this out.
“If she doesn’t know she’ll be heading to Oblivion, maybe we can reason with her.” Naomi looks around and sighs. “But I’m sure she knows. That’s why she ran away when Tony and Edgar showed up.”
“Maybe we can appeal to her sense of ethics,” I say. Even though I know there’s no way in hell that would work.
“Maybe murder will work. I mean she’ll still be dead. Even though suicide souls go to a different area it’s all the afterlife, right?” Naomi squints at me like she’s trying to work it all out.
“I don’t know what other choice we have,” I say. The taxi driver is looking at us in the rearview mirror. He definitely speaks English. “We’re writing a screenplay. Right now, we’re trying to fix a plot problem.” I’m proud of myself for coming up with that. Maybe Andy’s brain works a little faster than mine did back on earth. Naomi must be proud, too because she looks at me and smiles.
For a second she looks like Naomi and not Juniper.
“We’ll figure it out. We have to.”
If I had been Andy to start with, I never would’ve killed myself. The ironies of the afterlife are endless.
Chapter 31
I always hoped to end up in New York City when I was alive. I didn’t have a plan to make it happen, but I wanted to be a part of the excitement in the big city. But something always held me back. Lack of confidence, I guess. I didn’t know if I could make it there on my own, and I didn’t want to crawl back to Arkansas as a failure. And one time I was almost ready to do it, and then I met Jamie. Or was it when I met Greg?
It doesn’t matter. Either way I wasted my potential.
But I’m in New York now, old and in a smelly cab. No time for fun, just time to deal with Doris. We have less than seventeen hours left. It’s strange to rely on living time again.
The driver stops and I hand him cash from Juniper’s wallet. I over-tip in hopes that he won’t call the cops and report our murder talk. Getting arrested would really derail our plan.
When we step out of the cab my nose is assaulted by the heavy smell of car exhaust. It’s preferable to the driver’s cologne, which somehow smelled both sweet and spicy.
Luke stands next to me with his mouth wide open. His eyes are huge, and his head is darting around like he can’t decide where to look.
“I’m guessing you’ve never been to a big city before.”
Luke shakes his head gently from side to side without closing his mouth. His mouth must be filling with germs and car exhaust.
“I think we need to go this way,” I say and grab his hand, pausing a second to enjoy skin-to-skin contact. I guide Luke down the block so he can continue to look around like a dorky tourist.
There is a doorman standing in front of the apartment building. I’ve only seen doormen on TV. He’s a novelty, but also an obstacle. I remind myself that we are semi-celebrities as we walk up to the man.
“I’m not positive this is the building, but we have to be close. Tell him that you and Dylan are friends. Maybe he’ll recognize you.” I push Luke gently forward, and he snaps out of his awe.
The doorman looks at each of us individually and then at us together. His eyebrows scrunch together as he tries to make sense of our partnership.
“Excuse me, sir. I’m looking for Dylan Pine. He’s a good friend of mine but I don’t remember if he lives in this building or the one next door,” Luke as Andy says. He carries a comforting charm that has no doubt gotten Andy laid many times.
“Oh yeah? If you’re such good friends then how come you don’t know where he lives, chief?” He has a heavy New York accent. It’s magnificent.
I should have moved here straight after high school and never looked back. I’m already getting used to the exhaust stench.
“Well, we’re new friends. We’re working on a movie together and he told me to come by. He told me where it was, but I had a couple beers. I’m sure you know how it is.” Andy smiles and gently taps the doorman on the shoulder.
“What are you doing with this piece of garbage?” The doorman asks me.
“This young man is a friend of mine. I know it might seem odd. But no weirder than Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Jackson.” I lean forward just a little, forgetting that I don’t have large breasts anymore.
“Hate to disappoint you, but Dylan Pine don’t live in this building.” He tilts his head toward Luke and says to me, “You might want to be more careful about the company you keep.”
My stomach lurches with anger, but I remember that none of this is real. I’m not Juniper and Luke is not Andy. I have no reason to be offended or angry.
“Yeah, well fuck you too, pal.” Luke’s jaw drops again as soon as the words escape his mouth. His face turns bright red right before the doorman slaps him. Luke stumbles back a couple of feet, knocking into tall man in a bright blue tracksuit before he rights himself.
“Hey! That was unnecessary,” I say. “What’s your problem?”
“You can’t really mean that, lady. This man,” he points at Luke and continues, “I read about this piece of trash in the papers. He got that actress Rochelle what’s-her-name pregnant and now he won’t even return her calls. He abandoned that poor young lady. She was of the Mickey Mouse kids, for Christ’s sake.”
“I what?” Luke asks.
The doorman clenches his teeth and squares his shoulders.
I wrap my hand around Luke’s forearm and pull him away before he can get a real beating. I’m pretty sure Andy’s muscles are just for show.
We get to the corner and Luke stops walking.
“Wait. Please.” He pulls the phone from his pocket and taps at the screen. “We have to get into this thing.”
“Not now, Luke.” I take the phone from his hand and put it in my purse. “It’s not your baby. It’s Andy’s baby.”
Luke nods and says, “Okay.” But something in his eyes tells me he doesn’t get it.
“Do you think Andy abandoned a pregnant teenage girl?”
“He just said ‘young lady,’ nothing about her being a teenager. And you did not abandon Daisy when she was pregnant. You killed yourself. You didn’t even know. This has nothing to do with you,” Naomi says. She’s walking faster than her body looks like she should be able to.
“Daisy was pregnant?”
Naomi stops and turns around. “You don’t remember.”
Her eyes are Juniper’s, but they still carry Naomi’s sadness.
“What did I forget?” It feels like a memory is just out of reach. When did it disappear?
“It’s better if you don’t remember now. Trust me, please,” she says. She grabs my hand again and I jerk it away.
“I have a kid, don’t I? And I don’t remember.” I ball my fists at my sides and stomp one foot. I probably look like an idiot. “The afterlife is such bullshit!”
“And that’s why we’re trying to get out of this situation. Let’s take care of Doris and get back to Suicide Soul Station. Then we can move on from the bullshit afterlife.”
I follow Naomi down the block. I should be thinking about how we can get Doris to come back with us but all I can think about is what I will lose next. Daisy will be gone soon. Then my parents. My childhood home. All my friends. No telling how many are already gone.