“That’s great! I can’t believe that show is still on. But I guess if there’s one thing we can count on it’s soap operas.”
“You don’t have to be an asshole.”
My face contorts as I try to figure out my misstep. It’s weird getting used to a new face and a new world at the same time.
“It’s one of the last daytime soaps. But it will get me some exposure.” She’s talking faster now. Getting excited. It’s beautiful. But did she say it’s one of the last soaps? “I thought being pregnant would keep me from getting work, but they need a pregnant teenager.”
Teenager, teenager, fuck. My heart starts pounding and sweat forms on my upper lip.
“It’s just a good thing I look so young,” she says, and my heart resumes its normal rhythm.
I really want to ask how old she is, but it’s something Andy should know and I almost blew it by asking her address.
“We’ll celebrate when I get back from Connecticut. I guess we can’t go out for champagne but we’ll do something just as fun.” I rub her belly for context, waiting for her to say something about the legalities of drinking.
“How about a show? Let’s dress up and go to Broadway,” she says. I knew it was a long shot. “We can go out for sushi after.” She pauses and continues, “Oh shit, not sushi. Well, at least not the raw stuff.”
Raw sushi? I’ve never eaten that. I’m going to have to learn how to be someone completely different. But a better different than Andy. I can do that. I’m sure of it.
She has to be at least eighteen to live alone in this apartment, right? But she was a child star. She might have enough money and lenient parents. What’s the age of consent in New York? This is all so weird. But even if she’s young, that doesn’t mean she deserves to be abandoned with a baby.
“Do you remember when we went to the Hamptons last summer?” she asks.
No. Of course I don’t. If I stay here will I eventually gain Andy’s memories, right? Or if I don’t, maybe I can fake a head injury. I think I saw that once on Our Weeks of Days.
“Uh huh,” I sigh. That’s not quite the same as lying, right?
“That was the most perfect week of my life. We had just finished Sam Jacquard’s class. I know we’d only been dating about two weeks, but everything felt perfect.”
Sam Jacquard was on one of those primetime cop shows when I was a kid. So, we met in an acting class? Maybe if I just pay attention, I can piece this life together until I remember everything. But will I remember Andy’s life? If I can even stay. What if they make me go back? Can they make me go back? They probably can. But I have to try.
“It was perfect,” I say.
Rochelle pulls away and turns to face me. “Look, Andy, I know we’re both too young for this. I know the timing is shit. But this baby is coming whether we’re ready or not. I can forgive you freaking out and taking off. I don’t blame you considering the way our last conversation went. Hell, I would have probably done the same if it had been an option for me. But if you do it again, you can’t come back. I won’t let you jerk me, jerk us, around like that.”
She means every word she says. Andy is on his last chance. I am on my last chance. A face pops into my mind. A little boy. Eben. And then he’s gone again. Who was that? I’m left with a feeling of responsibility. The feeling that I want to do to the right thing. That I must do the right thing.
“I won’t let you down again, Rochelle. We’re in this together.” I lean forward and kiss her lightly on the lips. “I have to get back to work before I’m in breach of contract. We’ll need the money from this job.”
I want to discuss living arrangements for after my return, but I don’t know where I live. That’s not exactly something I can say to someone counting on me for a future.
I stand up and gather my clothes. Before I return to the set I have to talk to Naomi. I have to make her understand. If she’s still pissed, that’s fine. But I have to try while I still remember her.
Chapter 34
“Let me in, Doris. I know you’re in there.” Definitely not Luke. It’s a young woman. My first thought is a jilted lover. But she said Doris, not Dylan.
Doris looks at the door, then me, then back to the door.
“Who is it?” I ask, still rubbing my wrists. I’m tempted to scream for help, but it doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. For one thing it’s not dignified, and Juniper is more dignified than I am.
“I’m not sure, but I have an idea,” she says through gritted teeth. Whoever it is has the potential to ruin her plan.
She stands there while the banging starts again. She doesn’t want to answer, but she wants the banging to stop. There’s inevitability in her movement as she goes to the door. She looks through the peephole and sneers. It’s almost a smile, but there’s too much disdain involved.
“Dammit,” she says and turns the doorknob.
A girl bursts through the door. She’s tan and has blonde hair. She’s wearing a tight sundress. It’s Bree from the train. That body was an option, yet I landed in Juniper Haskell. The afterlife is so fucked up.
“You’re in violation, Doris. Come back and fix what you’ve done.” Her voice carries no authority, maybe because her tits are half out.
Is that what I looked like when I was alive? All boobs and no gravitas? I don’t think so. It probably helped that I kept my hair in a short bob. More business-like. And I didn’t wear tight skimpy dresses. Until the night I decided to sleep with the metaphorical fishes, obviously.
“Why would I do that, Ernesto? I’m perfectly happy here.”
“Because you didn’t do things the correct way. You shouldn’t have taken from those boys to maintain your memories and you damn-well know it.” Ernesto as Bree steps forward and closes the door. He sees me on the chair, still immobile even though I’m not longer restrained. “Hello, Naomi.”
“Ernesto. You’re looking well.”
“I wish I could say the same,” he says.
“Yeah, seriously. What the fuck? Every one of you turned out super-hot, and I got this body. I don’t see how that’s fair.” I cross my saggy arms over my saggy tits and pout.
“Not the time, Naomi,” Doris says.
“Then when is it the time? I really don’t understand what has happened.”
“You’ll get to choose when you come back next time. For now, we must stay on task. You’re running out of time,” Ernesto says.
The doorknob turns and a beautiful Black man walks in. My stomach tingles and my brain sends dirty messages to my crotch as I look him over. He’s tall with lean muscles, almond-shaped eyes and a tight fade haircut. Broad shoulders and flawless skin. If I was in almost any other body right now, I’d give him the shagging of his life.
“Tony?” Doris asks.
Oh shit. Never mind.
“I’m not letting her get away.” He points to me.
Ernesto turns to him and says, “Your need for vengeance is going to be your undoing, man. Let it go.”
“Wait. No.” I stand up slowly. My knees lock up for a second but then begin to move. “He can do what he wants to me.” Suicide by revenge-murder. That works, right? “Get it out, Tony. This is the perfect time. Just try not to make it too painful, please. My body already hurts all over.”
Tony’s jaw clenches and he says, “Okay. How about an overdose?”
“Want to go in the bedroom and knock one out first?” I’m sure he’ll say no, but it’s worth a shot.
He tilts his head and says, “No, thank you.”
I scan the floor and see Juniper’s purse. I dump it out on the table and several prescription bottles fall out.