Here was the spot for a big, huge sigh. It was far more complicated than Zoe knew. Zoe had never had to share her kids with anyone else; she had always been their only parent. She had been married for only six months, and that was a long time ago. Hence, Jordan suspected, there were things about marriage that Zoe had either forgotten or never learned in the first place. Such as the fact that even the worst marriages were stronger than anyone might expect. Jordan couldn’t just get up and walk out the door. He and Ava had two children, one living and one dead; they had a home and a way of life. Over the past four years that way of life had deteriorated, but it couldn’t be discounted. If Jordan moved out, Jake would choose to move out with him, he knew, and without their son Ava would perish. The best thing would be for Ava to go back to Australia and regain her happiness, but she wouldn’t go for any length of time without Jake. Surely Zoe could see how impossible the situation was. And what did Zoe want, anyway, that she didn’t already have? Sometimes she made it sound as if she wanted Jordan to move in with her, live with her, marry her. But this was ridiculous. Zoe, more than anyone Jordan had ever met, relished her freedom. She had been married, for those six months, to the man who was Penny’s and Hobby’s father, but Jordan had a hard time even imagining that. Zoe wearing a ring on her left hand, Zoe plunking down breakfast, lunch, and dinner for someone, Zoe relinquishing authority over the remote control or the temperature of the water in the shower, Zoe sharing her bed? She answered to no one except her kids.
On the Thursday morning when Jordan had last seen Zoe, they had lain together on the chaise on her deck. Zoe was feeling melancholy about graduation. In the fall the kids would be seniors, and this time next year they would be graduating. And then they’d be going away to college. And Jordan thought, She’s afraid of being alone. But on that morning Zoe was excited, too, about Penny’s singing the National Anthem, and about Jake’s and Hobby’s becoming the leaders they were born to be. Zoe and Jordan were both going to Patrick Loom’s graduation party. They liked seeing each other in public; it still held a secret deliciousness for both of them. Zoe always wore something sexy and gorgeous, she put on a perfume that drove Jordan crazy, and she applied sheer lip gloss that made her mouth shine like glass.
They had made love on the chaise outside in the sun and then showered together outdoors, and then Jordan had sat at the kitchen table, his lower half wrapped in a white Turkish cotton towel, while Zoe made him a cheddar and tomato omelet with bacon, fried shredded potatoes, wheat toast with butter and homemade jam, fresh-squeezed orange juice, and hot coffee. He ate gratefully. Zoe was the only person who cooked for him, and it felt like love. He wanted her to join him, but she never did; instead she worked in the kitchen, packing him a lunch: turkey and Swiss and baby mache and honey mustard on whole grain bread, watermelon chunks, pasta salad with asparagus and toasted pine nuts, and a slice of chocolate and peanut-butter tart wrapped in wax paper. She packed all of this in a brown paper bag. Sometimes she slipped notes in with his lunch, but not often enough that he expected it. The notes were a treat.
There had been a note that Thursday, on one of the index cards that she used for recipes, folded in half. It said I heart you.
That was Thursday. On Friday Jordan called her on his way home from work, but she was busy prepping platters for Garrick Murray’s graduation party and could talk for only a second. On Saturday Jordan saw her at graduation; they sat three seats away from each other, and his gaze meandered to her firm calf muscles-amazing, as she avoided exercise at all costs-and her toenails, filed square and painted dark purple, framed by the vamp of her kitten heels. They chatted privately for a second at the Looms’ party and then, right after the kids left, Jordan offered to walk her to her car-he was heading home-but Zoe said she was going to stay a little longer. She flashed him a wicked grin. Zoe had, or pretended to have, a crush on Patrick’s father, Stuart Loom, which Jordan in turn pretended made him jealous, only Jordan wasn’t pretending. It did make him jealous, but Stuart Loom was married, and Zoe and Alicia Loom were friends, and so there was really nothing for Jordan to worry about. He left Zoe at the Looms’ party. Everything was fine.
The next time he saw her, they were in the hospital waiting room, and she slapped him. And now she wouldn’t talk to him. Was Lynne Castle’s theory true? Was she unable to speak to them because Jake and Demeter were unhurt? Jordan had obeyed Zoe’s one wish-he had kept the accident out of the newspaper-and so she couldn’t fault him. He had done nothing wrong.
But before Jordan could decide how to approach Zoe, news arrived: Hobby had regained consciousness. He was cogent; there was no brain damage.
Jordan was at home when the call came. It was around ten-thirty at night; Ava was asleep, and Jake was upstairs with his door closed. The caller was Lynne Castle, who had heard from Rasha Buckley, who was at Mass General with Zoe. Jordan felt himself tearing up. He said, “Thank the Lord, Lynne.”
And she said, “Oh, yes.”
He wanted to call Zoe right that instant, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. She wouldn’t be answering her phone anyway. She would be with Hobby; she would want to talk only to Hobby. Not another soul would matter-not for weeks, maybe not ever.
A week later Zoe called Jake’s cell phone to ask him to be a pallbearer at Penny’s funeral and to tell him that she didn’t want him to speak during the service.
Jordan took this news silently. He wanted to say, “Did she ask about me?”
Ava piped up and said, “She’s the mother, Jake. You have to respect her wishes.”
Jordan rarely found himself in the same place with both Ava and Zoe. The last time had been at the final performance of Grease. And now at the funeral. Ava and Zoe had been good friends once upon a time. After Ernie died, Zoe had brought over food every day for a month. She had taken Jake to the beach; she had let him sleep over whenever he liked.
Ava had let all her friendships fade away-including her friendship with Zoe-and then the romance had developed between Jordan and Zoe, and from that point on Zoe was the one who was keen to avoid seeing Ava. When the two women saw each other, they were civil, saying hello, how are you, good-bye. Jordan wasn’t at all sure Zoe would want Ava at the funeral, but how could Jordan get her to stay at home? Ava was kinder than she had been in months. Before the service she walked up to Zoe and took both her hands and kissed her as Jordan watched, waiting for Zoe’s inevitable questioning gaze. But Zoe didn’t look his way once, not before, during, or after the funeral.
He went to see her three days later. Hobby had been moved to Nantucket Cottage Hospital, where he would have to stay until his bones healed a little more-which might take as long as three weeks. Every day Zoe went to sit with him for two hours in the early morning, then again after lunch, then again from six to eight in the evening. Jordan had ascertained this schedule from Lynne Castle, and armed with this timetable, he waited down the dirt road from her cottage until she pulled in at 8:15 p.m. He gave her a few minutes inside by herself-enough time, he figured, for her to light some citronella candles, pour herself a glass of wine, take off her sandals, and settle into the chaise.