Her words hit home quickly. “Yeesh, mom.”
“I’m your mother,” she reminded me. “I’m supposed to know exactly what to say.”
I laughed before I could pretend I wasn’t affected.
She went on, “Give up the fight for just tonight, Stella. It will be there for you to pick right back up tomorrow. But you’re supposed to experience this world before you defend it, and I think tonight is the perfect opportunity to do just that.”
“You’re right,” I sighed.
“He’s going to die when he sees you,” she grinned at me.
“I know!” Her enthusiasm was catching. I couldn’t help it!
She grabbed my hand and led me down the stairs. Tristan was waiting in the entryway talking to my dad. I knew he was supposed to be impressed by what I looked like, but honestly, Tristan in a tux took my breath away.
His hair was freshly shaved and his green eyes glistened against his tan skin. His tux was incredibly crisp with clean lines and a classic white shirt, black bowtie look. His lean muscles filled out the suit to perfection and I couldn’t wait to stand next to him, to be pulled into his gravity of beauty.
But he was just staring at me.
His eyes were the deepest green I had ever seen and his jaw was tight with tension. I started to feel self-conscious from the intensity of his look.
Finally I said, “What?” I brushed at my skirt and waited for him to say something, to say anything.
“You’re breathtaking,” he finally said in a low, raspy voice that sent shivers skittering across my skin. “Stella, you’re beautiful.”
I pressed my lips together to keep from grinning like an idiot. But that was exactly the response I was hoping for.
“Pictures!” My mom declared.
I moved to stand next to Tristan, keeping my eyes locked on his. He seemed just as unwilling to let me go as I was to look elsewhere. But eventually I had to.
He pulled me into his side and I slid my arm around his back, the cool, softness of his suit jacket was shocking against my super-heated skin. Tristan wrapped an arm around my waist, too, and then another around my front and pulled me closer to him.
“Stella, babe, tone down the glow,” my mom commanded from behind the camera.
I tried my best to hide my excitement for the evening, for getting a free pass to go out with Tristan- even if it was just for one night- and for being wrapped so tightly in his arms, but I couldn’t. I was beaming with Light. I couldn’t control it anymore.
My mom just shook her head while smiling almost as big as me. She took a hundred pictures, my dad gave Tristan a very firm reminder about my nonexistent curfew and then gave me a big hug and kiss.
After what felt like forever, we were finally alone in Tristan’s big truck and leaving my house in our dust. We were headed to dinner in Fremont before the dance and as far as I knew we were doing this all alone. Lincoln and Piper had gotten a limo and were sharing it with Bree and her date, senior baseball stud- Milo Reed, and Rigley and his date, sophomore Cara Williams.
As far as I knew Piper and Tristan still weren’t talking. But I hadn’t exactly helped things along with my depressing attitude this week.
And anyway, it was kind of nice to just be the two of us. If this was our one sanctioned date, I selfishly didn’t want to share Tristan with anybody else. I wanted him all to myself.
He reached across the cab and took my hand, tugging me closer to him. The radio was off and the only sound that filled the truck was our breathing and the crunch of gravel beneath his tires. I let out a shaky breath and then tilted my head back carefully, so I wouldn’t mess up my pretty hair on his high-backed seats.
“Are you all right, Stel?” he asked quietly.
“Yes,” I answered honestly. For the first time in weeks I really was Ok. There were a million problems that should have been tumbling through my head on a sadistic, masochistic repeat, but I was ignoring them all right now. I wanted tonight. I wanted tonight to be mine, untainted by Aliah and all his dark plans. I wanted to enjoy Tristan without the massive guilt that usually plagued me.
And most of all I wanted to dance.
We drove for a while like that, just holding hands and not talking. Suddenly, Tristan was turning right and whipping off the highway with almost no notice. I gripped the door handle and just barely managed to swallow a surprised scream.
Just as quickly as we turned, Tristan pulled over and we were parked on the side of a field. We were facing west just as the huge, burning sun was about to meet the horizon. It cast long, golden rays of sunlight on almost everything that stretched between us and it.
Tristan turned the key in the ignition and the angry rumble from the engine died, leaving us in a severe kind of silence. He looked over at me, with my hand in his and I felt the strongest urge to crawl into his lap, lay my head on his shoulder and then cry for the next three months.
Or fall asleep and finally get a few hours in a row.
All of a sudden he let go of my hand and hopped out of his truck in one fluid motion. I watched him walk around the front hood and open my door. He took both of my hands- without saying a word and then helped me down.
My heels sunk into the soft earth but I followed Tristan to the back of his truck. He held up a finger and then raced around to the driver’s side again. He returned with a soft, plush blanket I knew he stole from his living room.
He dropped the gate to his truck bed and then spread out the blanket. “Can we have a few moments to ourselves?”
I nodded, too charmed by the moment to find my voice. He reached for me, taking my waist firmly in his hands and lifted me to sit on the blanket. The beading of my dress dug into the backs of my thighs, so I adjusted until I was comfortable and my dress wasn’t in danger of wrinkling or getting torn. Tristan hopped up next to me, so close I felt the smooth silk of his pants against my bare legs. He smelled amazing tonight, like himself and the masculine scent of a cologne he usually didn’t bother with. He was so handsome.
And he was Tristan- my Tristan.
There was something happening to us though. I felt it every time we were together now, with every touch, every look.
We were drifting apart and I wondered if he noticed it as acutely as I did. By his especially quiet and somber mood I had to believe that he did.
It was funny how the removal of Seth from my life was the catalyst to me choosing which boy I would give my heart completely. Seth wasn’t even technically an option right now- and maybe never would be again.
But he still held my heart in his soulless hands- all of it, not just a piece or a portion. Seth owned my soul in the absence of his.
I loved him with all of me. I would do anything to be with him again, to make him safe again.
And tonight I would give Tristan this moment. My last gift to the boy I had loved for most of my life so far.
I did still love him. It was amazing how I could be split so definitively between two boys that commanded so much affection. It wasn’t a race, or a contest, it was a tragedy that split my entire being in two right along with my heart.
I would always love Tristan. Always. But not with the same consuming, life-defining power that I loved Seth with. I was split in two, but not evenly. And this time I was listening to my heart, I was following my instincts that were supposed to be honed and perceptive.
My entire life I had accepted a destiny that didn’t seem real and a future I would one day “get around to”. And then it happened to me and I felt this rebellious instinct to fight against it- to fight against Seth. Had I given into the eventuality of my fate, I didn’t believe I would have fallen for Seth as hard as I did. It was in my frantic attempt to escape him and what he stood for that I realized how desperately I needed him, how wholly I loved him.