“N-nothing,” he managed. “Just cold.”
The excuse was not likely to work. Though the rain had continued through the night and partially into the morning, it hadn’t continued past midday, when the dark clouds had parted for the rays of golden sunlight. To say it was cold was an overstatement. If anything, it was only partially chilly.
And that’s not because of the weather, Dakota thought.
A lump appeared, then disappeared in his throat as he swallowed.
A door opened downstairs and a pair of footsteps echoed up into the hallway.
“Ah,” the sergeant said, nodding as Private Roberts, in military fatigues, and Corporal Marks, in civilian casual, appeared. “Pleasure to see you, gentlemen.”
“Yes sir,” they both responded.
Dakota wrapped a hand around a cup of water to still his trembling wrist.
You’re going to look like an idiot if you keep doing that.
“I have a cold, that’s what I’ll say.”
“Evening, Dakota,” Jamie said. He smiled, reached forward and wrapped his fingers around the brim of the fold-out chair beside him. “Care if I sit here?”
“No,” he managed, coughing out the word. “Go ahead.”
“Something up?” Steve asked as Jamie seated himself.
“No.”
“Just making sure.”
“Now that everyone’s here,” the sergeant said, standing, “I’d like to propose a brief moment of silence.”
“Sir?” Private Roberts said.
“A moment of silence, Private Roberts, for the men and women who have died in our country.” A chorus of agreement went up around the table. Armstrong raised his hands to silence the voices, then bowed his head and closed his eyes.
Every head at the table fell forward.
Dakota closed his eyes.
What do I do? he thought. Pray?
Whoever said one had to pray during a moment of silence?
Content with the logic behind his notion, he laced his fingers together and breathed in, then out. In the moments that followed, a stream of thoughts entered his mind and blossomed over his darkened vision. First came charity, for her grace of life and her sparkling-red flowers, then came justice with his blue robes and equal ways. White came next, with its pure form and its straight edges, but did little to brighten the stars shining amongst the sky. He felt Jamie breathing at his side and tried to push his anger at the sergeant aside, but couldn’t.
His hand fell. It landed on top of the corporal’s.
“Excuse me,” he whispered, pulling his hand aside.
Jamie tilted his hand up and laced their fingers together.
“Lord,” the sergeant began, “we thank you for the gifts that You have given us, for the lives that You have saved and the grace that You have offered. We offer You our prayers in these dark times and ask that you pity us for the mistakes that we may make. We are only mortal. Amen.”
“Amen,” Dakota said.
Dakota raised his eyes.
When his and Jamie’s gazes met, the man’s lips parted in a smile.
Their fingers broke apart just as Desmond approached with dinner.
“So,” Steve said, seating himself on his cot. “What was up with you tonight?”
“Honestly?” Dakota asked.
“Honestly,” Steve replied.
“I was nervous.”
“About what?”
“Dinner. It didn’t help when Jamie sat down beside me.”
“Why not?” Steve asked, leaning against the wall.
Dakota looked down at his hand. “I set my hand on top of Jamie’s and he laced our fingers together.”
“You a fag?” Ian asked from his corner. Both Steve and Dakota looked over at him.
“I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t call me that,” Dakota replied. “But yeah, I am, if that’s what you mean.”
“I don’t care. And sorry. No harm intended.”
“None taken.”
“So you guys had a bromance going there,” Steve chuckled. “That’s something.”
“It wasn’t a bromance,” Dakota sighed. “It was…well…I don’t know. This is why I don’t tell you anything!”
“I’m not making fun of you, Dakota. If anything, I think it’s cool that the corporal’s not afraid to show a little affection. It takes a big man to do that.”
“I guess,” Dakota shrugged.
Steve raised an eyebrow. Dakota knew what was coming before it even came out of Steve’s mouth. “You like him,” his friend said, “don’t you?”
“What’s not to like?” he asked.
“Suit yourself, bud.”
“Might not be best to cuddle up to a military guy,” Ian said, stripping his shirt over his head. “Don’t want to get yourself any unwanted attention.”
“You don’t think anyone would do anything to him, do you?” Steve asked.
“I know guys like the deputies. Well, used to, anyway. Let me tell you, they were some mean motherfuckers.”
“You’ve never,” Dakota started, then stopped. “You know…uh…”
“What? Jumped someone for being gay? I’ve done some bad shit in my life, kid, but I ain’t never done that. Kirn and Wills though? They’ve got trigger fever as it is— you don’t want ‘em turning that aggression on you.”
“I doubt the sergeant would approve of that.”
“The sergeant’s buddy-buddy with them. Haven’t you noticed that?”
“No.”
“Well, can’t blame you for not. All I know is that I’ve seen him treat them better than the rest of the soldiers.”
“Ian’s got a point,” Steve said. “You might want to pick your battles here, Dakota.”
“I know,” Dakota sighed. “Besides, I don’t think he’s gay.”
“No?”
“No. I don’t.”
Steve frowned. Ian spread out along his cot and set an arm behind his head.
Pick your battles, the voice in his head said.
Pick them he would.
Voices stirred Dakota from sleep. Half-in, half-out of consciousness, he heard someone say they were ‘going out,’ then the sound of guns being loaded.
Shortly thereafter, he blacked out and fell back asleep.
Later that morning, he woke to the sound of a creaking mattress and opened his eyes just in time to see Steve pulling his pants up his legs. “Hey,” he said, snapping the button into place.
“Hey.”
“You awake?”
“Kinda,” Dakota said, rolling onto his back. “I heard them leave this morning.”
“Them?”
“The soldiers.”
“You hear what for?”
“Probably a supply run. I’m guessing Jamie’s still on house arrest.”
“You going to see him today?”
“I don’t know. Why?”
“Just wondering.” Steve stretched a shirt over his chest. “Armstrong never said none of us couldn’t go see him.”
“I guess.”
Do I really want to go see him though?
The reality was, he couldn’t allow his feelings to overwhelm his better rationale. On one hand, he could go see Jamie just to offer him company, to talk and to ease the burden of loneliness. On another, though, he could be going for a completely different reason, one that allowed the pleasures of the heart and the comfort of a compassionate human being.
No one’s going to make you go see him. You can decide later, after you’ve woken up.
“Koda?” Steve asked. “Want to see if we can bum a few rolls off Ian?”
“Sure,” he said. “I’d be more than happy to.”
Two knocks and a whisper later, he was standing in Jamie’s room with two rolls and a glass of apple juice in hand.
“They don’t bring you breakfast,” Dakota asked, “do they?”
“No,” Jamie said, tearing a piece out of the roll. “They haven’t been.”