“Not the most subtle way of doing it,” Steve said, “but it works, I guess.”
“I don’t know what to do, Steve.”
“What?”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He kissed me in a moment of passion. It… it might not even be the way he feels.”
“What’d he say?”
“He said… he said he had feelings for me.”
“Then he has feelings for you,” Steve said. “He can’t deny the way he feels.”
“It’s just, I don’t know…”
“Let me tell you something,” Steve said, stepping forward and setting his hands on Dakota’s shoulders. “No straight guy would ever kiss another man, especially not the way he kissed you.”
“I don’t…” Dakota sighed. “I guess I’ll just wait on it. I’m pretty upset too.”
“It’s hard to see someone cry. It’s even harder to have to share their emotions.”
“It wasn’t the right moment for that to happen.”
“Who’s to say there’s a right moment for anything?”
Dakota shrugged.
Shaking his head, he spread out along his cot and closed his eyes.
Heart hurt, brain swimming, he reached up to touch his face and realized the tears still hadn’t dried.
That moment was real.
“Knock knock,” Jamie said, tapping on the partially-opened door with the back of his fist. “Can I come in?”
Dakota looked up. Jamie stood in the doorway, watching him with unsure eyes from behind a messy strand of fringe. Though his demeanor seemed slightly better than it had before, he still showed the tell-tale signs of crying—his eyes were red and his cheeks more than twice their size, awkwardly-childlike on such an adult face. Even his nose, perhaps his most dignified feature other than his beautiful brown eyes, looked red and chafed.
He looks like a wreck.
Of course he did. Who in their right mind would expect someone not to cry when given the world to bear on their shoulders?
Just like Atlas.
A skull caved before his vision. Blood splattered his hand.
A jarring pain coursed up his wrist before he realized it was all just a vision, a memory creeping upon him at the most inappropriate time.
“Dakota?” Jamie asked, sniffling, reaching up to wipe his nose with the back of his hand.
“Come in.”
Jamie stepped forward, closed the door, and began to cross his room. Halfway between the door and Dakota’s bed, he stopped, seemed to consider his actions, then settled down on Steve’s bed. “What I did was inappropriate,” he said, turning his head up.
“Don’t worry about it, Jamie.”
“No, Dakota—I am, and I have been. I should have never put you in that situation.”
“It’s ok.”
“No it—”
“Just answer me something,” Dakota said, raising a hand to interrupt him. When he was sure Jamie wouldn’t speak, he let it fall to his knee, then took a breath. “I want you to be honest with me. Ok?”
“Ok.”
“Are you gay?”
“Of course I am. What other reason would I have to kiss you?”
“Moment of passion,” Dakota said.
“Like I said, it was inappropriate.”
“No it wasn’t. How was it any different from a kiss after a date?”
“Have you ever been kissed before?”
Dakota swallowed a lump in his throat. “No,” he said.
“See? I just robbed you of something special, something that you might not have been ready for.”
“Jamie…” Dakota sighed. Standing, he crossed the short distance and settled down beside the soldier on Steve’s bed. At first, he was unsure as to whether or not he should grab Jamie’s hand, but he eventually gave in and slid their palms together. “You didn’t rob me of anything.”
“Yes I did, Dakota.”
“How could you have robbed me of something if I wanted it all along?”
The cloud of doubt before Jamie’s sad eyes seemed to clear instantly. “What?”
“I’ve had a crush on you since the first day I got here. “
“You have?”
“I have.” He tightened his grip. Jamie squeezed his hand in response. “I’m eighteen years old, I’ve never been with another man, and it’s the end of the world. To be honest…if you hadn’t done that, I probably would have never worked up the urge to do it. You’re not like most other guys, Jamie.”
“I’m just like everyone else.”
“No you’re not. I’ve been around a lot of them, and I can tell you that I’d never been around a man that had such a calm presence until I met you. Hell, Steve’s been my best friend for years and I still get nervous around him sometimes.”
“He seems angry,” Jamie mused.
“He is,” Dakota sighed, “about a lot of things, but it doesn’t change how I feel. I love him like a brother. He’s one of the few things that kept me from going off the deep end after that first year in the foster home.”
“What happened that first day, Dakota? You know…when they came to your town.”
“The woman who ran the foster home had taken everyone else to the park. I said I didn’t want to go because I was still upset about being told that I would have to leave by the end of the week. I knew something was wrong, because I’d seen the reports of the rioting on the news, but she told me it was nonsense and to turn it off. It wasn’t long after she left with the rest of the kids that Steve came pounding on the door, screaming that the ‘zombies from New York’ were coming.”
“They weren’t even being called zombies at that time.”
“What were they being called before?”
“Infected,” Jamie said. Dakota shivered. Jamie squeezed his hand. “I wish I could be as strong as he is. I’m feeling pretty worthless right now.”
“Hey,” Dakota said, stepping away from the bed. He tilted Jamie’s head up so they could look each other straight in the eyes, unnerved at the feeling of the man’s beard under his fingers. “I’m gonna help you get through this. You don’t have anything to worry about.”
“You’ll help me?” Jamie asked.
“Of course I will. You can count on it.”
“There’s a meeting at dinner tonight. I’m not sure how it’ll go.”
“I’ll be there for you.”
Jamie smiled.
The sight nearly broke Dakota’s heart.
Jamie rose from his place at the head of the table. “Listen up, everyone! I’ve got something to talk about.”
Chatter around the table stopped instantly.
Please let this be ok, Dakota thought, scooting his chair closer to Steve as he waited for Jamie to speak.
“I know we’ve all had a bad day,” Jamie continued. “It’s tough, losing someone that we admire and respect, and it’s especially hard to lose a man like Sergeant Armstrong. I’m sure you all know what’s coming. We need a leader, someone who can keep peace and order as we try to rebuild ourselves and the world we now live in. By chain of military command, and by orders from the sergeant himself, I will now assume command of the Saint David’s Ward Mental Institution Base.”
“Bullshit!” Kirn cried, slamming his hand on the table. “Fucking bullshit.”
“Is there a problem, Deputy Kirn?”
“The sergeant would never let a pussy like you take over the base.”
“It’s in the note,” Private Roberts said, raising his voice above its usual low pitch.
“He was out of his mind when he was writing it, you fucking piece of shit!”
“He’s been out of his mind since the day this started, Deputy. In case you happen to have forgotten, Derek, Sergeant Armstrong had stage three testicular cancer. The chemo was the only thing keeping him alive. No chemo, no prevention; no prevention, nothing to keep the cancer from spreading.”