There was something strange about her voice. As if she hadn’t used it in a long, long time.
Mandy held her breath. Her finger started to move.
But she didn’t to want to take a life. Not another. It was too much.
Mandy knew that she wasn’t strong like Max. Max would have pulled the trigger the first chance he had. Had Mandy been in danger, had a gun been pointed at her head, Max wouldn’t have hesitated.
Mandy was racked with guilt. She owed Max everything. She owed him her life and even more than that. They were all in debt to Max. And now she wasn’t taking the action that would surely save his life?
“We can give you whatever you want,” said Max.
Mandy was impressed with how calm his voice was. He didn’t sound like he feared for his life. Although surely he did.
Then again, Max probably knew that Mandy or James would come looking for him. Surely he expected it. He was counting on it.
What he didn’t expect was that Mandy would have trouble killing again. That she couldn’t bring herself to pull the trigger to save his life.
Such a simple action. A single movement of the finger. And it was all over. Mandy was confident about her aim. She’d grown into a better shot than she could have ever imagined before the EMP. But of course, that wasn’t what she was worried about. It was something bigger, something looming and huge.
Maybe her body wasn’t working the way it should be. It wasn’t just mental stress. It was physical too. Her stomach hadn’t been properly full since the compound. She’d pushed herself farther than she would have ever thought possible.
Physical stresses compounded mental stress. And mental stress made physical stress worse. Stress worked in both directions, compounding perpetually, rolling into a huge snowball that seemed immovable.
“If I can be frank,” said Max, his voice still calm. “It seems to me like you don’t have a plan at all. You don’t know what you’re going to do. You don’t know what you need from us. The SUV is out of gas. And you know that.”
“Shut up,” said the stranger.
“You’re acting out of desperation,” said Max. “And I’m not saying you’re going to regret killing me, but at least think about what you’re going to gain from an action like that.”
Mandy couldn’t believe how calm and sure of himself Max sounded.
Was he just buying time?
Beads of sweat had formed on Mandy’s brow. They felt ice cold. Her breathing had grown ragged. She couldn’t keep it quiet.
Was there a way to neutralize the threat without killing?
Mandy already knew the answer.
No.
A huge no.
If Mandy snuck up on her, she’d be heard. Mandy wasn’t some kind of tactical ninja. She didn’t have any special skills. She was a regular person in the real world. Her footsteps, when she got close enough, would be clearly heard. The stranger would shoot Max in panic, spin around, and possibly shoot Mandy too. Depending on how good a shot she was, Mandy and Max both stood a good chance of dying.
Mandy couldn’t wait any longer.
She gritted her teeth and pulled the trigger.
The recoil felt harsher than it had. The noise felt louder than it had before.
The stranger fell to the ground.
Mandy didn’t move. She was frozen, somehow overwhelmed with what she’d done.
She’d done the right thing. But that didn’t make it any easier for her.
Max moved swiftly, grabbing his Glock and throwing himself to the ground. He always seemed to act in a rational way. There was no way for him to know who had shot, whether they were friend or foe.
Mandy needed to tell him. She needed to announce her presence.
But her mouth didn’t seem to work.
It didn’t make sense. Mandy had been able to fight effectively since the farmhouse. She’d gotten better. She’d thought she was over it completely.
But apparently it had been living inside her like some dark demon, hiding away in the recesses of her soul and memory, ready to strike at the worst moments, casting doubt and uncertainty on a whim.
“Who’s out there?” called out Max finally.
Mandy got her mouth open, but nothing came out.
Minutes seemed to pass. Her heart was still rushing like a racehorse.
Finally, she was able to speak.
“It’s me!” she called out. Her voice was horse, cracking awkwardly as it filled the cold space between them.
“Mandy?”
Max was up, moving towards Mandy. But not before checking the pulse of the dead stranger, and collecting the extra firearm.
The body of the woman lay behind him, her opened eyes seeming to point directly at Mandy, because of the way she’d fallen.
Mandy felt Max’s arms around her.
“What happened? Are you OK?”
Mandy managed to nod.
“You’re shaking,” said Max.
“Is she dead?”
“Yeah. She’s dead. It was a good shot.”
“I couldn’t… I didn’t…”
Max looked at her, holding her head in his hands and tilting her face to his, even though she was trying to look away.
“I almost couldn’t do it,” said Mandy. “I kept thinking about the woman back at the farmhouse.”
Tears were streaming down Mandy’s face. And she’d never been more embarrassed about an emotional reaction. She knew this wasn’t the way to behave. She knew it could endanger the survival of them all. But she couldn’t help it.
“It’s OK,” said Max. “You did it. That’s what’s important.”
“What did she even want?”
“I don’t think she knew. She was acting out of fear. Panic. Instinct. Nothing more.”
“I screwed up,” said Mandy. “I could have let you get shot. I waited so long to pull the trigger.”
“There’s no time to worry about that now,” said Max. “We’ll talk about it later. Maybe we can work on some techniques not to let old memories interfere so much. But right now, we need to check on Georgia and the others. And get a crutch for Georgia.”
Mandy nodded silently.
“You’ll feel better if you do something,” said Max. “Why don’t you check over in that direction, to see if there are any good saplings?”
“OK,” said Mandy, wondering whether a crutch would really be enough for Georgia.
How did Max do it? He seemed unaffected by everything. He’d just watched a woman killed before his eyes, and he was already ready to move on to the next practical task.
She wanted to ask him. Ask him how he did it. Ask him what gave him such drive. It wasn’t like she didn’t have the drive herself, but so much seemed to be standing in her way. At least, at times.
But as she turned to ask, Max was already busy at work.
He waved her over, before starting to work on the sapling. He bent it down, took out his pocket knife, which he opened with a flick, and dug into the tree’s flesh with the blade.
“This’ll make a good one,” he said, calling out. “We’ll see how she does with this. And if we need to, we’ll make a stretcher for her. It’ll be tiring for us, but we can do it.”
Mandy didn’t say anything. She watched as Max broke the sapling in two, and examined it for strength.
19
Tom knew he didn’t know what he was doing. He knew rushing the building that harbored four armed men was beyond stupid. He knew he’d never make it out of there alive.
He knew that those two people he’d just met, whatever their names were, were completely right.
But all this reason, it was only a little voice somewhere in the back of his mind. It wasn’t any match for the animalistic impulses of revenge that surged through him.
His blood boiled. His body was sweating. His face felt hot. He was ready for action. He was ready to take out all the pain and frustration of a collapsing world on those who had tormented him. And what better candidates to rain down upon?