I exhaled. “McPanties is an awful, horrible nickname.”
“You laughed the first time I said it. Now you’re defensive. This is bad.” She dropped her shit-soaked sneaker into a plastic bag and tied the top, tossing it into her locker with a thud.
“You’re going to just throw that away, right?” I asked, rubbing the beginning of a headache from my left temple.
“Throw my shoes away?” she asked, appalled at my suggestion.
She spun around, stepping into the tiny bathroom across from the lockers, and scrubbed her hands until they looked raw. After ripping a paper towel from the dispenser, Deb turned off the faucet and then took a few towels to dry her hands before throwing away the wet paper. She reached back to tie her dark hair into a tiny ponytail at the nape of her neck. “You must have hit your head harder than I thought.”
I smiled, watching Deb step into a fresh pair of scrubs and then slide into her Crocs. “At least keep it in the bag until you know if your patient tests positive for—”
“Bleach kills everything,” she said. “Anyway, if I get C. diff, I might lose that last fifty pounds I’ve been trying to get off since the eighties.”
“You were born in the eighties.”
“My mother had gestational diabetes. I was husky.” She closed her locker, snapping the combination lock and twisting the dial.
“Better twist it again,” I said. “Don’t want anyone taking your shit shoe.”
“I don’t want those skinny bitches from radiology stealing my pudding.”
Andrea from X-ray glanced over her shoulder at us.
“That’s right,” Deb said with wide eyes. She pointed at her. “I see you staring at my chocolate vanilla Super Snack Pack.”
Andrea pushed through the door, suddenly in a hurry.
“Jesus, Deb. You’re going to get written up again.”
“My shit shoe could end up under your pillow tonight. I have a key to your apartment. Hey,” she said, pointing at my head. “You’ve been doing that a lot today. What’s up with that?”
I dropped my fingers from my temple. “Just getting a headache. It’s nothing. I’ll take something when I get home. C’mon, we’re clocked out. I already feel bad that you came in on your night off. Let’s get the hell out of here before a code comes in.”
She followed me out of the women’s locker room and into the hall. I waved to the night shift, pausing when Dr. Rosenberg gestured for me to wait.
“A … he’s going to ask you to marry him,” Deb whispered as he approached.
“Shut up,” I said through my teeth.
“B … he’s going to say that he likes your tits in that scrub top all romantic-like and shit.”
“I will punch you in the vagina,” I hissed just as the doctor came closer.
“On your way out, ladies?” Dr. Rosenberg asked.
“C …” Deb began.
“See?” Dr. Rosenberg repeated, blinking his fantastically long eyelashes. His eyebrows pulled in, forming twin lines between them.
“C. diff,” I blurted out. “She was wondering if that last patient has tested positive for C. diff.”
“Oh. Well, I don’t need the results to know it’s negative. It has that unique smell and—”
“Weird pillow talk,” Deb muttered.
“Pardon?” Dr. Rosenberg asked.
I said the first thing I could think of. “She said we’re going to walk. To her car. She’s giving me a ride home. Did you need something before we leave, Doctor?”
“Oh, that’s right. You don’t have a vehicle. I hope you have insurance.”
Deb opened her mouth again, but I elbowed her hard in the ribs.
She yelped and rubbed her side, frowning at me.
Dr. Rosenberg watched our exchange with curiosity, but he continued, “My commute took twice as long because of the construction on I-95 North. If you’re going that way, you might want to find an alternate route.”
Deb chuckled. “You live in Alapocas, right, Doc?”
He smiled warmly. “I do, Hamata.” He looked down, embarrassed. “I didn’t realize that was common knowledge.”
“Yeah … we’re RNs,” she said. “We drive up I-76 West to our shithole apartments, but the traffic is clear, so there’s that.”
“Well,” Dr. Rosenberg said, amused. “Enjoy your night, then. Good night, Avery.”
I nodded. “Good night, Doctor.” I turned on my heels, stiffening when Deb hooked her arm around mine. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you …” I chanted all the way down the hall.
“He is going to be thinking about you while bathing in his champagne-filled bathtub tonight, so you can’t be too mad at me,” she said, chuckling.
“No, he’s not. He’s going to be thinking husband things because he’s married, and you’re an asshole for plotting things like that.”
“I’m not plotting. I’m pulling the strings of your life like a puppeteer because it amuses me.”
“Your honesty is my favorite thing about you, but it also makes me want to squeeze your throat between my hands until your eyes bulge. Just a little. Not a lot.”
She tightened her grip on my arm. “Aw. I love our little talks.”
A blue blur rushed around the corner, nearly knocking me to the floor. Hot liquid instantly soaked my scrubs and splashed up my neck and down my arms. I held my hands out to my side, in shock.
“Oh, Christ,” Josh said, holding his nearly empty Styrofoam cup of coffee. “I’ll go find some cold water. Did it burn you?”
“Yes, the boiling-hot coffee is burning my flesh, Captain Obvious,” I said, feeling the dark liquid drip from my jaw.
Raising his chin, he sniffed the air before his face twisted in revulsion. “What’s that smell?”
“Be right back,” Deb said, rushing down the hall and through an unmarked door. I shook my head, trying not to laugh at the thought of her shit shoe.
Josh barely glanced down at the stain on his own shirt and cargo pants before looking around, desperate to find something to wipe his coffee off my scrubs. The heat was already subsiding—hospital coffee was rarely hot enough to scald. He resorted to using his hands, clumsily brushing his fingers over my stomach, arms, and breasts. It was more awkward than getting felt up by Bobby Lawson in the tenth grade.
I tried to turn in an attempt to deflect the impromptu pat-down. “It’s okay, really, I—”
“This coffee was meant for you … Not exactly like this, though,” Josh said, ignoring my efforts to stop him. He used his thumb to gently brush my wet chin as he looked down into my eyes. He sighed, frustrated.
“W-what? I … um.” I swallowed. “I guess this is my fault?” I asked, still trying to sound tough while completely captivated. Dr. Rosenberg had an effect on me, but he’d never looked at me the way Josh was at that moment. It was a combination of awe, anticipation, and regret. Being that close to him, it became very clear why all the nurses melted in his presence.
He took a step back. “The coffee.” He held up the cup. “I saw you when I came in earlier, so I thought I’d bring you some. I wasn’t sure how long your shift was, so …”
One side of my mouth turned up. “That was very un-McPanties of you, Josh.”
His nose wrinkled, and his head turned to the side a bit like a confused puppy. “Huh?”
“Um … thoughtful. I meant it was very thoughtful.” I took the almost empty cup from his hand. The cooled drops of coffee on the outside of the Styrofoam dampened my palm, matching the rest of me. “I’m off work, actually.”
“Here!” Deb said, pressing a cold towel on my neck. “I brought wet and dry towels from housekeeping and Dermoplast spray. Did he burn you?”
I shook my head, still smiling at Josh. “Not yet.”
He teetered after letting me shoulder past him. I glanced back to see him smirking at the floor. This was a fun game I was sure he had played many times, but not with me.
I pulled Deb along, and although she was confused, she followed.
She looked back to Josh, and then at me. She frowned, repulsed. “Ew, Avery, really? You were just all nervous and goo-goo-eyed at Doc Rose.”