I didn’t trust myself to speak. Turning on my heel, I started toward the door, reaching up to yank my hair down out of the constricting bun.
Riley scrambled to follow me. “Jessica, wait.”
“I’m done with this conversation,” I told him, ripping my sweater off and letting it fall to the floor in the hallway. What was the point of dressing the part to please? “Did you hear him? I can’t do anything to make them happy.”
“I’m sorry, babe.”
Running up the stairs, I stomped down the hall, trying not to scream, or throw something, or in any way show my parents that I was the out-of-control loser they thought I was. Paxton was coming out of his room and he stopped short, giving me a sneer.
“Fuck you,” I told him.
Shoving the door open to my room, I eyed it with displeasure. It was a princess palace and it didn’t reflect me at all. It was expensive furniture and mirrored surfaces, in pinks and ivories. Whatever clutter I had left behind over Christmas break had been removed. It was like a perfect guest room for a perfect person who didn’t exist.
My boxes from school were neatly stacked in the corner and I went over and tried to lift two at once, pure adrenaline fueling me.
“Are we taking all of these?” Riley asked. His voice was carefully neutral.
“Yes. These six plus the vacuum.”
It took two trips, but we got everything shoved into the back of the car. On the second trip, Riley bent down to pick up my sweater.
“Just leave it,” I told him brusquely. “I don’t want it.”
He looked like he going to say something, then thought better of it. He carefully set the sweater down on the console table my mother used to sort mail and display fresh flowers.
Then I walked out the front door with no idea if and when I would be there again. Eighteen years of my life lived there, and all it took was an hour and six boxes to walk away from it.
No one came to stop me. No one came to say good-bye.
I turned to look back, to take in the foundation of my childhood, and I felt sadness, regret, longing.
But I also felt hope. That in leaving, I could find my place.
Chapter Seventeen
“Do you want to talk about it?” Riley asked after twenty minutes of silence.
I was stewing, staring out the window as we drove down the highway. “Not really.”
“Okay.” He was quiet for a minute, then he said, “I don’t want you to worry about money or anything. We’ll be fine. I don’t need to sell a kidney yet.”
I hadn’t even thought far enough ahead to realize that without my parent’s financial support, I was going to have to live off my waitress tips. Yikes. I thought I would be okay, but what did I really know? I’d always had a backup bank in my father. “I’m not your problem, Riley. I’ll just pick up more hours at work to help pay for stuff.”
“You’re not my problem, you’re my girlfriend. We’re in it together, Jess.”
I nodded, throat tight.
“I have to tell you, I’m not even sure I totally get what it is you did to deserve being kicked out. It’s not like you filmed a porno.”
Now there was an image. “There’s still time,” I said, because I was exhausted. I just wanted to snuggle on the couch with Riley and watch stupid YouTube videos, and I didn’t really want to talk about it anymore.
He got the hint. “I do have porn star gonads, I must say.”
I laughed. “Gross. I don’t even want to know what constitutes porn star, you know.” The word gonads made me squeamish.
“I don’t either, to tell you the truth,” he admitted. “But let me assure you, my nuts are class A.”
“I’m reassured, thanks. Of course, I do find it ironic that my father is worried about my salvation but he thinks you’re just awesome.” I didn’t blame Riley for that, but I did find it frustrating as hell.
“He didn’t say that. And he’s never heard me swear or seen me kick a wall. I’m sure if he knew the full story he’d be praying for me, too.”
I sighed. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Well, I think it does matter. Plus I owe you an apology. I thought you were exaggerating about your parents, but you weren’t.”
“Thanks.” There was more I wanted to say, but I wasn’t sure how to articulate my feelings. “They’re not bad parents,” I said, because they weren’t. They wanted what was best for me, I knew that. They just thought their way was what was best for me.
“No, of course not,” he agreed. “Everyone makes mistakes and none of us know what the fuck we’re doing. We just take it one day at a time. Hopefully Easton will remember that when he’s thirty and in therapy.”
“Easton is probably going to grow up to be the most normal of all of us.”
Riley laughed. “We can only hope.”
When we got back and went into the house, Tyler was playing video games with Easton. “How did it go? I didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”
Riley just shook his head, carrying one of my boxes. He started back towards the bedroom.
“I’m your new permanent roomie,” I told Tyler. “I’ll try not to hog the bathroom.”
“Shit, it didn’t go so good, huh?”
“Nope.”
“You’re moving in?” Easton asked, glancing up from his controller.
“Yes.”
He made a face of disgust.
Fabulous.
“I wish it was Rory instead,” he said.
Now that hurt. I blinked hard, feeling tears fill my eyes. So I didn’t really belong or fit in here either. Rory was the preferred girlfriend.
“Hey! That was really rude,” Tyler told him, shoving Easton’s knee. “Say you’re sorry.”
He shrugged like he didn’t know why it mattered. “Sorry.”
Yeah, that was believable. I set my box down and fast-walked out the front door to the car for another box. Riley came into the living room as I was leaving.
“What did you guys say to her?” he asked them in an accusing tone.
I didn’t wait for the answer. I just strode down the driveway, just in time to see a guy stealing my vacuum out of Riley’s open car.
“Hey! Drop the fucking vacuum or I will hurt you,” I screamed. It was a bit melodramatic for a twenty-dollar Dirt Devil, but I was not in the mood. Besides, I was broke now.
Apparently I looked scary enough that he eyed me and ditched it in the grass. He was about sixteen and skinny, dark circles under his eyes. I took a step toward him and he ran. I chased him, screaming at the top of my lungs the whole time.
Riley and Tyler came tearing out of the house. “What the fuck?” Riley shouted. “Jessica, stop chasing him!”
Considering we were actually just running in circles around the car, it did seem pointless. I came to a stop, breathing hard. “He tried to steal my vacuum.”
I saw Riley and Tyler exchange a look, both clearly trying not to laugh.
“David, go home before I beat your ass,” Tyler told the guy.
“He lives next door,” Riley explained.
“Your bitch is crazy,” David said, shaking his head.
“That’s right,” I told him. “Batshit crazy. So stay out of our yard.”
Feeling like I might cry, and not wanting to lose it in front of an audience, I leaned in the car and grabbed another box, ignoring everyone as I carried it into the house with as much dignity as I could manage on a day like I was having.
“That was cool,” Jayden told me when I shifted past him in the doorway. “You’re a baller.”
Awesome. “Thanks.”
“I guess I’m not the only one with a temper,” I heard Riley say. “The only thing that would have been better would have been if she had tackled him. I would have paid money to see that.”