“Oh,” I nodded, trying to make sense of the revelation.
“I'm so happy for you two. It was such a close call. A miracle really.”
“Yeah.” I played along. Bobby downplayed the shoulder, saying it was a flesh wound. That's not what Willis was alluding to. “I'm so glad he made it home safe. I don't know how I'd have dealt with losing Curtis without that guy.”
I nodded solemnly, trying to lend an ear to Will while processing the new information.
We went back to swinging and sliding and jumping and tossing until I was thoroughly exhausted. As if the band knew the room needed a break, they slowed down the music.
“It was so much fun dancing with you. We're family now, it's automatic if you're with Bobby,” Willis said before walking me to Bobby and reaching for Sasha. Before I could even consider the choice, I was face to face with Bobby, his hands on my hips, mine around his neck as we swayed from side to side.
I tried not to tense up, but I was uncomfortable. Of course, it wasn't because I was nervous about touching Bobby. I had known him for so long that awkwardness, even after his hiatus, wasn't a thing. It was because I wanted him to touch me.
“Having fun?” he asked.
I beamed. “Lots. It's been a long time since I've done anything like this.”
“You're glowing.”
“It's sweat,” I replied.
“Nah, I think it's something else.”
I thought about asking about the letters Willis mentioned, but I didn't want to open that door in the club. The night was going so well, just pretending like we were in some sort of time capsule, where he didn't leave the wedding and vanish for seven years. My alternate reality was something I did not want to disrupt. Because it was exactly how I'd imagined it might be. It wouldn't last once we left, so I wanted to savor every moment.
I chuckled wistfully to myself.
“What is it?” he asked.
“Oh it's just, you've done so much living, seen so much, and this casual night for you, I might as well have taken a plane to Tahiti.”
“I'd rather be here right now than any place in the world. And there's still time to do everything you ever wanted to do Lil.” Maybe he was right, but it felt too late. It felt too late seven years ago.
At first, the ride back was quiet. We were spent, and the roads were dark again. No bright lights. No buzzing of city streets. No interesting people from all walks of life. Just dark stretches of road ahead. But I wanted to know why Bobby brought me all the way to Chicago. Yes, I knew it was to take me out of my neighborhood, remind me of the carefree fun I used to have, but I felt like he was trying to tell me a story without saying the words.
“Tell me about Curtis” I requested sleepily.
Bobby sighed faintly, as if part of him was relieved I asked and part of him dreaded the inevitable discussion. “Well, like Will said, we were stationed together. And man he was something else. The kind of person you couldn't stay mad at, even when he drove you nuts,” he chuckled.
“I know a little something about that,” I grinned.
“I guess you do,” Bobby acquiesced. “We used to talk about what we'd do when we got back. He was going to marry his girl. And I told him I had a girl back home, too,” he confessed.
“Will told me he knew who I was,” I disclosed, looking down.
Bobby nodded, recognizing I knew at least part of the story. “You know, when you're in that state—hungry, tired, weak, broken—you need something to get you through it. Some sort of beacon, because it gets so dark, Lil. A darkness you don't even know exists in you comes out.”
I swallowed back the tears. I wanted to pull over the pickup and hold him, but I knew it wasn't right.
“Sometimes, when it was quiet enough, I would think about that night. I'd relive it. And it would take me to the best moment of my life. And I'd just replay it whenever I wanted to leave but I couldn't. It allowed me to go someplace good, somewhere safe and happy. So, I told Curtis that I had a girl named Lilly waiting at home for me. Even if I knew I could never live that fantasy, even if I knew it meant that one day I would come back to find you living a happy life with my brother and your kids. I still wanted to come back to you.”
I felt guilt I couldn't assign to a single act. Guilt for not being there for Bobby when he finally showed up. Guilt for assuming he had forgotten me. Guilt for the feelings that stirred in me all night in the presence of my husband's brother.
“So, um . . .” Bobby let out a drawn breath before continuing. “Listen, I didn't tell Rory this because I'm back and I don't think there's a point in rehashing. But, um, well, a little over a week before being shot, our aircraft got shot down in South Korea. We were captured and taken to a POW camp. At first, it was what you'd expect. It was hell, but we were fed, at least a little, and given water. But a few days in, some of us were transferred to Waegwan, known as Hill 303.”
I covered my mouth in shock. He had almost flippantly described his last days in the war to Rory while I listened. Just another adventure to tack to his long list. This version was not the watered down story he had told Rory over the kitchen table.
“Lil, there weren't any rules there. Yeah, wars have rules, but you get people pointing guns and missiles at each other and the rules break down. They starved us and beat us. Sometimes they would just shoot a random prisoner.”
I gasped under my breath.
“Anyway, we were there for a few days when the first and second battalions came in to save us. There were hours of battling. As the troops closed in on us, they started frantically rounding up prisoners on the hill, executing as many as they could before capture. They lined us up all in this long line and someone went one by one, down the line, shooting us in the back of the head. I thought we were done.”
I watched his eyes as they viewed a scene from the past as vividly as if it was happening again.
“And as the executor neared us, Curtis whispered two things to me.”
Bobby stopped. He went dead silent. The silence carried for a minute. I helped him carry it by not saying a word, not moving an inch. Bobby was fun. Bobby was carefree. To see him like this . . . nothing crushed my heart like watching him fight back the glistening in his eyes.
Finally, I placed my hand on his knee. “You don't have to tell me.”
He took a deep, shaky breath. “No, I need to.” He nodded, prepping himself to continue. “He said, 'tell my brother and my girl I love them, and get home to your girl.'“
Those words, like a stealth punch to the chest, took my breath away.
“They shot him. And then they pointed the gun at me. And some American soldier shot the executor. His gun went off and got me in the shoulder. And I survived. Me and just a handful of others.”
My chest grew tight as I realized how close my hunch that he had died had been to reality. I had converted my love to hate, because it was so much easier to grieve him that way. It was a version of the way I had always dealt with Bobby, veiling my confused feelings towards him with defensiveness. I kept telling myself somehow Bobby being dead was better. That it made my life more bearable. And I hated myself for ever convincing myself of that.
“Sometimes I still can't believe it. Sometimes I wake up and I feel myself to make sure I'm still here. How is it that he's gone, but I'm still here? He was right there . . .” Bobby’s voice trailed off in genuine disbelief.
“I'm so sorry about Curtis. He sounded like an amazing person.”
“You would have loved him. You would have wanted to strangle him.”