“That's a nice way to think of it.”
“It's good they died together. I don't think either one would have survived the pain of losing the other.”
“As sad as that sounds, you're probably right,” I replied.
Bobby bowed his head for a moment, then shook it wildly as if trying to expel the pain of the loss. He stood up sharply, leaving me sitting on the floor with my legs spread.
He put the Billie record on the player, bending to find the track before dropping the needle. Billie began to sing “All of Me,” filled with the soul and pain that her voice had a magical way of summoning.
Bobby turned around and offered me his hand. “I don't think we've danced enough tonight.”
I extended my hand to meet his. “I think you're right.”
He wrapped his hand around my waist, the other interlinked with mine, as we swayed side to side. He stepped in broad circles, leading me around the open space.
“This is the song,” he murmured in my ear.
I shook my head softly and looked down with a shy smile. “So, I guess you do get to dance with me to it after all.”
We both sang the lyrics softly, our bodies swinging together like tall grass in the breeze. I rested my head against his chest as he rested his chin on the top of my head. The song came to a close, and we stopped, but we just stood there for a while, not letting go.
“Can I ask you something?” Bobby asked me as we lay intertwined of the floor of the lake house.
“Sure.”
“Children.”
“That's not a question,” I teased, resting my chin on Bobby's chest to gaze up at him.
“You said you had been trying. Did you want them with Rory?”
“It was part of the plan. I guess I did at some point, but it's just not happening.” As soon as I answered, I wondered if Bobby might see me as faulty. A barren woman. “Honestly, as time went on and it didn't happen, I was grateful. I know that sounds horrible, but right now Rory's in no condition.”
“But that issue might be the reason why.”
“I suppose.”
I couldn't help but think that this happened for a reason. Like the close call Bobby had in the war. Maybe Rory and I didn't have children because I wasn't meant to be with him. Maybe I was meant to have children with someone else. Maybe the universe was telling us all something.
“I think it's him, Bobby.”
“What?”
“I went to the doctor to get looked at. We did a bunch of tests and he says he sees no reasons why I shouldn't be 'popping out a brood,’ were his exact words.”
“That's great news.”
“But Rory refuses to get checked. He got so upset when I first mentioned it. I never told him I was looked at. I thought I could soften it by saying we could both go together. That way it didn't seem like I was already blaming him.”
He sighed. “He's going through a lot, isn't he?”
“I think so Bobby. I don't know. You're the only person he would really talk to, and you left.”
“Yeah. I hurt a lot of people.”
“I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry.”
“No, it's okay. It's the truth. I left you all to deal with repercussions because I couldn't.”
It was true. As happy as I was to have Bobby back, a tiny black speck of fear lived in my heart, thinking if things got too painful again, he would vanish.
“I thought we weren't going to talk about these things tonight. I thought this was just us.”
His chest rose and fell with a gentle laugh. “You're right. Just us, Lil.”
“But, I do have a question for you,” I mentioned meekly.
His chest undulated with a small laugh. “Oh you do? And what’s that?”
“Seven years is a long time.” I ran a finger between the small mounds of his abdomen. “Was there ever someone else?”
His chest sunk with a deep breath. “I guess it depends what you mean by that. You’re right. Seven years is a long time. And I’m only human—”
“Of course, Bobby and there’s no reason to be apologetic. But I meant, was there ever someone special?”
He pondered for a moment and then shook his head. “Just you, Lil.” He brushed against the tip of my nose with his knuckle. “Just you.”
I offered a sad smile and kissed his chest.
“Why did you ask then? If it doesn’t bother you?”
“I wouldn’t say the thought of you with another woman doesn’t bother me. Heck, I’ve always been jealous of you and other girls. Just that you don’t have to apologize for it. I guess...I just wanted to know that you weren’t alone. That at least sometimes you had someone there. That even if it wasn’t me, you had someone to make you feel this way or something like it.” I locked my eyes on his earnestly.
He smiled wistfully, tenderly caressing the top of my head. “Just you,” he repeated throatily.
“Just you,” I echoed gently. I rested my head back down on his chest and listened to the beat of his heart, letting it drift me into the deepest sleep I’d had since the summer heat had stolen it from me.
I woke up feeling more refreshed in as long as I could remember. It could have been the clean country air, being back at the lake house or being with Bobby. Maybe it was all of those things.
But when I opened my eyes, Bobby wasn't there.
I sat up, scanning the area to spot his presence, but I saw nothing. Had Bobby left again? Had he panicked, realizing we had just repeated the great sin of our past, and ran? I stood up just as the front door opened. Bobby paraded in shirtless and smiling.
“There's no food here, so I was going to try and surprise you, but,” he pointed at me, “you're wearing my shirt.”
I looked down and felt at myself, remembering every little detail about the night before. “You mean you won't go into town shirtless?” I asked sarcastically.
“Only if you go bottomless, just like that,” he pointed.
I sucked my teeth. “Fine, you can have it back. Good morning by the way,” I sassed.
“And a fine morning to you,” he sassed back.
I made the choice to stay there in front of him as I slowly unbuttoned each button, tauntingly gliding the shirt down my shoulders as I stood there, fresh sunlight pouring in, illuminating my bare skin.
His eyes roved over me. “Well,” he huffed. “That's a sight to behold.”
But today we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, we were back to Lilly, his brother's wife, and Bobby, my brother in law. At least that's what I thought. We chose not to talk about it the night before and that made for unclear rules this morning.
I snatched my dress from the sofa and slid it on.
“I'm coming with,” I said.
He smiled. “Good. It's about time you did something around here.” He winked, feigning the disgruntled husband. Oh, I had lived plenty of that reality.
“But first, where are my shoes?” I asked.
“I believe I may have spotted one outside.” His smirk made my stomach tingle with recollections of the night we had just shared.
We hopped in the pickup and headed towards the one general store in town. The bells chimed as we stepped in, but no one was to be found.
“So, what are you thinking for breakfast?” I asked.
“You decide. Whatever you want.”
“I'm hungry. Starved.” I reached for a bag of potatoes. “Home fries.” I grabbed a loaf of bread. “French toast.” I walked up and down the aisles. “Where's the bacon?” I muttered.