Rory stayed at his throne, the grill, for the majority of the party. Children ran circles around the adults, as ladies in breezy sundresses fanned themselves in the record-high heat. At the lake house, there had been a nice lull in the heatwave, plus the lake is always a bit cooler. But almost as soon as Bobby and I returned, a new wave came back, peaking in time for the holiday weekend.
Strangely, Bobby and I didn't cross paths much during the gathering. Sure we saw each other, but we couldn't be who we wanted to be to each other. It was peculiar. Almost as if the two weeks at the lake were a dream I had mistaken for reality. But the way I felt about him remained. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him as he chatted with various neighbors, led the children in some games, and assisted Rory at the grill.
Sometimes we would catch each other's eyes, but it felt as if everyone could feel the spark between us, so we would snap out of the gaze.
Here, I was the Lilly Rory knew. The one mostly cold towards his brother, and at other times indifferent.
As the sun began to set, Rory whistled to get the crowd's attention.
“I uh, want to make an announcement,” he said.
The guests looked around, as did I. I had no idea what he was planning to announce.
“Lilly, come over here,” he gestured with the beer in his hand. “She doesn't know either,” he hinted, delighted.
“What's this about?” I whispered as he put his arm around my shoulder.
“So some of you may or may not know, but I have been working really hard towards a promotion at Generate for the Lead Sales Associate in the state of Wisconsin. Well . . . I didn't get it,” he admitted.
Everyone looked around quizzically.
“I got the Regional Sales Director Position!” he shouted. “. . . In Minneapolis!”
“Wuh . . .?” I could barely connect the dots. How could he do this? Did he even consider this might not be something I wanted? A move out of my home state? But the truth was Rory didn't consider me. Maybe that was my fault to a degree, for allowing it to happen, for detaching myself emotionally so that he learned to stop caring about my feelings.
The crowd clapped and cheered at this announcement, and I put on my best fake smile, wrapping my arms around his waist as he kissed me on the temple. I glanced at Bobby who stood at the back of the gathering. His face grew solemn and he walked off.
“We'll talk more later, okay? I have to tend to these meats.”
“When did you find out?” I asked.
“Tentatively on Friday. But the boss called the house this morning to finalize. He didn't want to keep me hanging and they want to move quickly.”
“Wow.” Shock usurped any other emotion at the moment. But I knew this would be another brick of tension in the invisible wall between us. I wouldn't be so accepting of the news when droves of neighbors weren't in earshot.
“Rory! Congrats!” Paul Simmons from across the street waltzed into our conversation.
I tugged Rory away for a moment. “I'm going to rest upstairs for a bit. I have a headache from the heat I think. If anyone asks, don't tell them. I just need fifteen minutes or so away from the fuss.”
“You want me to check in?” he asked. “You might miss the fireworks.”
It worked out that the fireworks would start soon. The entire neighborhood spilled onto the street and down by Barbie's house for a better view. I hoped I could have the house to myself. “No, if I end up napping, I don't want to be disturbed. I'd rather sleep it off. I'll set my own alarm. Plus, one of us needs to be out here anyway.”
“Okay. You sure you're alright?”
“Yes,” I insisted. “I swear. I just think I am dehydrated.”
Another neighbor, Ted, interjected himself. “Rory, poker night won't be the same without you.”
I used that as my cue to exit, hoping Bobby hadn't escaped too far. We didn't have plans, but moving was something I never anticipated. Just like when my sister walked in on our pre-wedding scheming, this development was sobering.
I walked into the house, looking through the first level, hoping I would find Bobby, but he wasn't there. I went upstairs, and it was empty. I looked out the window, to see if maybe he joined the chatting crowd again, but I didn't see him.
I didn't know what my plan was, but I felt like I needed to speak to him. Just two days of faking it was eating me from the inside out. I couldn't let him think I was so easily accepting my fate with Rory. I clung to the window curtain, like a prisoner fantasizing about the outside world.
“Tired of the crowd?” a throaty voice asked from behind. I spun to see Bobby's dark silhouette in the doorway to my bedroom.
“I was looking for you. I looked everywhere.”
“Yeah, well I didn't want to be found for a while,” he replied. One of his fits of silence.
The muted sounds of chatter died down further. I glanced back out the window, the procession towards the fireworks had already begun.
“They're leaving to watch the fireworks. Are you going?” I asked.
“Let them go,” he said. Bobby wasn't playful. He wasn't carefree. This was the rare Bobby who burned with an intensity that could melt iron.
I sighed in frustration, deciding to take a risk. I grabbed Bobby by the forearm and pulled him into the room, locking the door behind him.
“I didn't know, I swear,” I said.
“I never said I thought you did.”
“Are you upset with me?” I asked.
“Upset with you?” he paced around the room. “No . . . no . . .” He almost chuckled. “I'm not upset with you, Lil. I want you. All the goddamned time. I am sick of sharing you. I am sick of lying to my brother. I am sick of accepting that I can't have you. I have been patient, Lil. I have sat on the sidelines. And I thought the stinging would dull, but pain like this never gets easier. I have to relieve it every day. Seeing you. Not being able to reach out and touch you when I want. Not say the things I want to say. Hear you're moving because another man made that choice for you. I love my brother, but you deserve better. He's not the person you married.” Bobby's face was red with pent up anger.
“Having those two weeks wasn't enough, Lil. It's like the stinging stopped and I knew what it was like not to live with that pain. I haven't felt that since I can remember. I have wanted you my entire life and there was always a reason I couldn't have you. There's always been an ache. And I have room to spare on one hand the times I had a chance to make the ache stop.”
“They weren't enough for me either.”
The screaming of the first firework blared through the window, soon followed by the muffled sound of an explosion.
“I'm done, Lil. I can't do this.” He turned to walk away. “Either I have all of you, or none. But I won't torture us both any longer.”
“Don't!” I grabbed his forearm. “Don't, please.”
He grimaced as if my grip smarted, but it wasn't a physical pain. “Lil. Don't do this. I promised myself not here. Not in his house.”
A collection of blasts vibrated the walls as a kaleidoscope of colors flickered through the window sheer, illuminating Bobby's face.
“Bobby, I need you. I love you. So bad. I still lie in bed and fantasize about you, only you're in the next room. I resist everything in my being not to sneak out and climb on top of you while you're sleeping.”
His body eased under the spell of my words. I took his hand and lifted my skirt, gently guiding it towards the moisture between my legs. “This is what you do to me, Bobby. Rory never could.”
A firework howled in the distance. Red light flickered along Bobby's clenched face as he tried to exert any remaining will he had left.
“Bobby, please,” I begged.
His fingers curled against the plump wetness between my thighs, and just like the fireworks outside the window, he exploded, grabbing my arm and yanking me towards him.