“I'm not in a rush,” Bobby replied. With Rory's back to me, he gave me a subtle nod. A knowing look in his eyes told me there was more to the story. The anxiety of Bobby leaving shifted to nervous anticipation. I wanted an explanation. I wouldn't get that if he left before Rory. I hoped Bobby would linger after Rory left, but I just didn't know. Last night before I went to bed, both Lightlys would be here for the week, and now both were leaving. It was like I was waking up to a different world.
“So where are you headed, hon?” I asked Rory as I picked apart my piece of toast. I couldn't afford to spend my emotions on still being angry at him while I was cashing them all in on Bobby and his surprise departure.
“Illinois. I'll be back Thursday.” He wiped his hands over his plate. “I should go.” He stood up and grabbed his bag. “I'll call when I get there tonight.” He kissed me on the top of the head as I sat in my fog of uncertainty.
Rory made his way over to Bobby, who was leaning against the counter. “Bobby, you don't know how glad I am to have you back. Never be a stranger again,” he said. “We're all we've got.”
“Love you, brother,” Bobby replied. “Always remember that.”
They embraced heartily and Rory headed for the door, looking back one last time at his brother before stepping out the front door.
I thought when he left I would have a million questions. But all I felt was the burning sting of betrayal, so blazing, that it incinerated every thought before it could leave my lips.
“Lil—”
“Don't.” I replied, fighting back the tears. “You don't get to do this twice. You didn't even have the decency to tell me first,” I said through tight lips.
“I thought you'd be up before Rory like you usually are. I wanted to tell you first.”
“When did you decide?”
“Last night. After talking to Rory when he came back. After what we did in this house, I can't keep living here, pretending like it's all fine. Lying to his face every day. And I can't watch you and Rory destroy each other. None of this is right.”
“So you're going to run?” I asked, staring at the mangled pieces of toast on my plate.
“Lil, look at me.”
“No. I can't.” If I looked at Bobby, I would burst.
“Lil—”
“No. Just go. Slip away and vanish like you did last time, you coward. Let me deal with the pain—”
“I want you to come with me.”
I turned in my seat to face him. “What?”
“I thought about this. A lot. And, I want you to come with me. When I left, I kept telling myself that I did what was best. I let Rory win. I let you go. And I couldn't even stand to be around you. I wanted that life I gave away to my brother that badly. But I found solace knowing I did the right thing. That I hurt, but when I would see you both again, I would come here and you would be happy. That's all I needed to see. Then I would be able to deal with the constant ache of missing you. Never did I think I would come back to this. You and Rory were a mistake. He's not the person I thought I left you with—” He looked down, almost ashamed to judge Rory. “Or maybe he was, but you two have brought out the worst in each other.” He stepped closer to me. “Because it wasn't right. It was supposed to be us. And I can't go back and change the horrible decision I made, stepping aside while you married my brother, but I can change things now.”
“I—I don't know what to say.”
“You know what to say. Stop living in this lie.”
“It's so sudden. I don't know how to even start.”
“No, Lil. It's been over six years in the making. You've been dying a slow death in this house. Choose to live again. Come with me.”
I shook my head, trying to untangle the developments of the past few weeks.
“Lil, you’re set to move in a couple of months and I won’t—can’t—follow you around. You know that. This game we’ve been playing, we knew it could never last. It either becomes something real or we let it die. This is the fork in the road. You either commit to Rory and go to Minnesota, or you come west with me. The options couldn’t be more clear.”
“So we're just going to slip out when Rory's out of town?”
“I think it's the best way. I'll handle him. I don't want you getting the brunt of his anger.”
“I don't want you to. You guys can't lose each other over me. I never wanted to be the person to get in between you two.”
“Lil, there's no way that this ends where I have everything. I have to choose. And I choose you. And whether Rory wants it or not, I'll always be there for him.”
I took a deep breath. “How would we do this? Where would we go? Rory said you were leaving today.”
“I'm staying at the motel on 100 tonight. You can think about it on your own today. I leave tomorrow at noon. You just call me and I will come get you and we'll leave. I'm not going to smother you. I want you to make this decision on your own.”
“Tomorrow? That's so fast,” I murmured to myself. “He's gone until Thursday. That's almost a week. Why don't we wait until then? We could have this week here together. Go to the lake? Take our time.”
“Because I'm sick of stealing another week, another minute, another second. I want the rest of our lives. I want forever.”
I cupped my face in my hands as tears poured down my cheeks.
“If you can't leave with me tomorrow, if you aren't that sure about us, then this was never what I thought it was, Lil. I was just an escape for you.”
“Don't say that, Bobby,” I cried. “You were never an escape. You were my pain. You lived in my heart every day and it was never able to heal until you came back.”
Bobby knelt down in front of me, pulling my tear-soaked hands away from my face and gripping them in his. “Lil, no matter what, I'm not leaving like I did before. I'll never vanish again. I'll always be a part of your life. I will check in with you and Rory every week. I will visit. This is not a threat or an ultimatum. It's not me running away. It's me finally stopping the bullshit. Telling myself I'd be content to see you with anyone else. Or that I was okay with just one night with you. I'll never be. So it's all or nothing. And I'll leave it all for you. You understand, Lil? But I am done sharing you. And I need to be upfront with my brother. Even if he hates me for it. I'd rather be hated than a liar. But I can’t be honest with Rory if you stay with him. I won’t do that to you.”
I nodded. I believed Bobby. I didn't want to. I tried to remind myself that he left me for so many years and there was no way I should trust him again. But the day I marched down the aisle towards his brother, in his eyes, I had left him for a lifetime. Deep down, even I knew the only way Rory and I could have a fighting chance was if Bobby left. But even then, Bobby's ghost tore our marriage apart.
Bobby reached for my hand and raised me to my feet. “I'm going to go now. Because I'm not settling for pieces of you anymore. I want all of you. I want to wake up to your face every morning and not have my first thought be 'when will it end?' I want to watch you smile as we travel the coast in my truck. And then, I'll show you the world. And once I've shown it all to you, we'll find a spot where the sun always shines and the breeze always carries us, and we'll have babies who play in the water and climb the tallest trees just like we did. I want your laughter to be the rule, not the exception. And if you want to work, you can work. If you don't, that's okay, because I'll make sure we have everything we need. Rory will be in pain, but then he'll be okay, because he'll realize that his woman is out there still. That his happiness was never with you. Just like you said, we tried to do the right thing, but it was wrong. It's time to do the right thing. Even if it hurts. Even if it means we lose the things that tethered us to some sense of stability.”
I wrapped my arms around Bobby's waist and he enveloped me in his strong arms. Even in that moment of the unknown, his embrace was the safest place in the world.