“Hi Peggy,” I responded, keeping my eyes on an unsettled Rory, pacing across the kitchen.
She sighed. “I just wanted to check and see if you heard the news. I tried calling earlier but it seems no one was home.”
“The news?” I asked. “No, I was . . . gone all day.”
“Barbie's been in a terrible accident.”
As if this day could be any worse.
“What?” I asked, forgetting all my troubles in an instant. “Is she going to be okay?”
Peggy responded somberly. “They found her car in the river. It had driven off the road. She was underwater. She's in a coma. It's not looking good.”
“Oh my god,” I gasped as my knees weakened. I lowered myself into the chair behind me for support. “What about Stan? Was he with her?”
“No, he was out of town this week. And, I suppose I shouldn't say this . . .” Gossip always lurked in these parts if one wanted a glimpse. Especially from someone like Peggy, who was married to a deputy in the police department which made her privy to the rare crimes in our area.
“What?”
“Well, the Chesterfields’ boys came up on it, and there are whispers they saw a man crawl out of the car and run . . .” The rest of her words blurred into a hodgepodge of sounds as my attention focused on the man in front of me. The person I had known almost my entire life who had become a stranger. The mud. The cuts and bruises. His missing car.
“Lilly? Lilly? Are you there?” Peggy asked.
“Uh, yes. I'm sorry, this is all such a shock,” I mumbled.
“I know. It's a tragedy. Such a shame. Well, I wanted to let you know . . . you two are so close.” Yeah, so close, apparently closer than I ever thought.
I slid the phone back on the hook as rage and sadness poured out of me in burning hot tears. “What did you do, Rory?” I growled.
“Who was that?” he asked, stepping back from me even though he was ten feet away.
“You know what that was about!” I sobbed as I pointed at the phone. “Barbie? Barbie? You son of a bitch!” I shouted.
“Who was that? Do they know it was me?”
“No . . .” I paused when I realized why he was demanding I take him to his car. “I can’t believe you. You’re planning to lie about this?”
“Lilly, you have to be quiet. Just stay calm. We can fix this.”
“We?” I laughed mockingly. “There is no 'we.' You did this. You made this mess. Now you need to clean it up!” I commanded through gritted teeth.
“You are my wife. For better or for worse.”
“I don't want anything from you. I just never want to deal with you again.”
“You're not divorcing me.”
“I want my keys back.”
“I can't let you leave. The police are probably out there asking questions.”
“I don't want any part of this. I just want my keys.”
“I told you, you aren't taking the car.”
“Dammit, Rory, just let me go!” I pleaded desperately. “Go talk to the police. I am sure they'll understand it was an accident.”
“Oh, I am sure they will,” he rejoined sarcastically. “Where are you gonna go, Lil? What are you going to do by yourself out there? It's you and me, Lilly.”
“You and me? You mean you and Barbie. How long, Rory? I can't believe I didn't see it. How many of those business trips were real?”
“It was the last time. We're moving. I was just saying goodbye. Telling her it was over,” he slurred.
“Oh, well seeing the condition you're in, that was a helluva goodbye.”
“Can’t you just have my back for once, Lilly?”
I sat at home and put my dreams to the side for him. I cleaned this house. I cooked every meal. I pressed his clothes. I became his accessory. And yet, he had the nerve to say I never had his back. That was all I had from him.
“She's in a coma, Rory. She might not make it. This is really bad.”
“Oh god . . . oh god . . .” he buried his face in his hands.
“She has children and you left her there to drown. I thought I knew you . . .”
“I panicked. I couldn't wake her up, and she was stuck. I didn't want to lose everything we have.”
“What do we have?” I asked. “There's nothing left. Nothing.”
“I was never good enough for you. Everything I do is just never enough, is it? Even now, I save her, I'm a jerk when you find out about us. I leave her because I want to save our marriage and it's still wrong.”
“You wanted to save your own ass.” I stabbed my finger in his direction.
I knew I didn't have a right to be angry about Barbie and Rory, at least without making myself a hypocrite. But the truth was, I was mad at myself, for delaying my happiness for something so false. Bobby was right. Rory needed to be freed too, but he didn't want freedom. He wanted everything—his doting wife and his mistress. He wanted the image of perfection while sneaking around. He wanted the perfect house and he wanted secret romps in the back of his car.
I had to find my way back to Bobby, to the security of his embrace. Never in my life did something feel more certain. Never had I felt more resolute that being with Bobby was the right decision. I didn't want everything. I just wanted Bobby.
I marched into the kitchen, hoping Rory would just let me take the keys when I got closer, but he pulled them back and out of my reach.
“Fine. I'll call someone to come get me.”
“No one is coming here. No one can know I'm home. I walked miles in the dark, through the woods, in pain, just so no one would see me. You're going to sneak me to my car so I can go to Illinois and have an alibi.”
“You are out of your mind,” I said, turning to the phone and closing my eyes, praying that Rory hadn't lost every bit of himself.
“Lilly. Stop,” he reached for my arm, and I tugged it away from him, but all it did was encourage him to grip me tighter. “Let go of me,” I shouted. I gripped the phone as he tried to wrangle it out of my hand. With all my strength, I pulled away as hard as I could. My feet went out from under me as soon as I stepped back into a puddle on the linoleum. As I fell I heard a loud thud. I wondered if the phone had ripped from the wall, or if something fell off the table in the struggle.
“Lilly? Lilly?” Rory crouched over me, his words echoing as if he was on the other end of a tunnel, getting further away. And then his face began to swirl into shades of beige.
Then darkness.
It took me a few painful seconds to recall where I was or the circumstances that lead to the throbbing knot pulsating on the side of my forehead. I wasn't on the wet kitchen floor anymore. I was on something warm and soft. I blinked my eyes over and over again, trying to focus on the blur around me.
“Oh thank god,” Rory stood up from the chair in the corner of our bedroom. I know he didn't mean to hurt me, but things had gone so far off course for us, that I shuddered as he stepped towards me. It wasn't fear, but mistrust. I didn't trust Rory to keep me safe. He was reckless. He was desperate.
“I'm so sorry, Lilly. I didn't mean it.”
Finally the images before my eyes sharpened. Rory was still dirty and sweaty. The blood had dried on his temple. His breath reeked even more strongly of alcohol. He had been drinking while he waited for me to wake.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“It's uh . . .” he glanced at the clock. “Four.”
Eight hours until Bobby left.
“In the morning?”
“Yes.”
“Oh my god,” I said. “You should have taken me to the hospital.”
“Like this? No . . . I watched you all night. You were breathing. You were just knocked out. You woke up and then said you were tired and wanted to sleep.”
I didn't remember any of it.