I latched my suitcase shut. “Let's go.”
“So just like that? You're just leaving me here? No car. On my own?”
“I'm leaving my car here, but we won't help you with Barbie. Take some responsibility for what you did. Turn yourself in,” I implored.
Rory looked back at Bobby. “And you. You fucking snake. You fucking left, you let us think you were dead. You came back and disrupted our lives. I never questioned you. I just welcomed you back with open arms. And you took everything! You took everything!”
Rory's rage resurfaced as he jumped on Bobby.
“Stop!” I called out. But the brothers were wrestling in the upturned bedroom. It wasn't long before Bobby was on top of Rory, pinning him down. “You fucking killed a woman today. You held your wife captive. You hurt her. You are lucky that all I did was punch you in the face,” he snarled. “If I stand up, and you come for me again. I'm going to have to drop you, Rory.”
Rory wrangled under his grip. But against his sober, and more battle-experienced brother, he was no match.
“Fine,” he submitted through gritted teeth.
Bobby stood cautiously. “I'm giving you 24 hours to find an attorney and get your affairs in order. If you haven't turned yourself in . . . we will. You can't run away from this one. It's only a matter of time before they discover it was you.”
Rory grimaced and gripped the back of his neck as he nodded, agreeing to the terms.
“Ready?” Bobby asked, as he half-turned to me, keeping an eye on his brother.
“Yes.”
Bobby stepped aside for me to exit first. I looked over at Rory, my puffy eyes saturated with tears. Even when you want to leave the past behind, even when you want to run from it and never look back, it hurts to look it in the eyes and say goodbye. “Take care of yourself,” I said, pulling my bag off the bed to head to the door.
I walked through the slim space between the bed and the Lightly men when a hand clenched around my ankle and stopped me in my tracks. “Don't go Lilly. I'm sorry. You're right. I was an ass. I'll do better. Don't leave me alone here. Haven't I always taken care of you? Bobby doesn't know how to stay in one place.”
I looked up at Bobby, whose glare had grown as hard as steel. I looked back down at Rory, weak, sloppy, desperate. “Maybe you tried, but it was never supposed to be us.” I kicked my leg away and marched out of the room without looking back, the tears I had saved for Rory finally swimming down my cheeks.
Bobby didn't follow me directly. I waited just outside the room.
“You are one selfish son of a bitch, you know that, Bobby? You broke mom and dad's hearts when you dropped out of school, and then just up and left, sending them a letter here and there if they were lucky. You think I didn't want to drop everything and travel? You think I wanted all the responsibility? But one of us had to be here. One of us had to grow up! We all can't just run away from our responsibilities! You just do whatever you want. Take whatever you want. Do whatever makes you feel good. Everyone else be damned!”
Rory snickered to himself, before continuing. “When people would ask about you, I would defend you. Tell them, ‘That's just Bobby. He's a great guy. He just does things differently.’ But you only care about yourself. You do what you want to do . . . everyone else is left to deal with the consequences.”
I waited impatiently, hoping Bobby would just let the words slide off his back and leave. But he wouldn't go so quietly.
“You'll always be a victim of your circumstances, Rory. For once, just take responsibility for the mess you're in. Don't blame Lilly or Barbie or me. Just look around you and see that you chose this life.”
“We can't all choose the easy way out,” Rory sniped.
Bobby snickered incredulously. “The easy way? You think leaving everything I knew behind was easy? You think I wanted to go the way I did? I did it so that you and Lilly could be free of me. I stood there and watched the woman I loved marry you. My insides ripped apart and I stood there with a smile because I wanted you to be happy! So did Lil!” He took a deep breath. “I was alone out there. I couldn't look at mom and dad knowing what I had done. And I have paid for my sins, Rory. You have no idea the things I have seen out there.”
“You didn't do me any favors,” Rory muttered.
There was lull. Though silent, regret, and sadness blared through the walls.
“I love you, brother. Even when it doesn't seem like it,” Bobby said. Pained was laced through his words.
“I know, you bastard. But don't ever come back,” Rory replied. “We're done.”
“I know,” Bobby answered.
Bobby emerged from the bedroom solemnly. He placed a hand on the small of my back. “Let's go, Lil,” he uttered.
We stepped out of the house that had been my prison for seven years, and into the unknown, unlimited world. Together.
The drive to the motel was not a great celebration. It was still; somber. A great sacrifice had been made. We had to slaughter the living to get to the feast. The carcasses of our principles, loyalty, and familial bonds lay bloodied on the altar. There were no cheerful hugs, or jumping for joy. Our drive was moments of silence, stringed together, in honor of the things we surrendered to get what we needed.
Bobby pulled into the motel parking lot.
“We should get you to a hospital.”
“No, I'm fine. I don't want to see another person today. It's been 24 hours. I'm still here. I'm fine.”
“Lil . . .”
“Please, I just want to get inside. I'm exhausted.”
Bobby sighed in concession. I think he used all his fight in the bedroom with Rory. “Fine. Stay here while I get the room.”
Bobby came back in minutes with the key, and we entered our small, dimly lit motel room. It didn't have the trappings of my beautiful two-story house, but it was a palace. Because I was free. I was the master of my life now. And I had the perfect accomplice at my side.
I slipped off my dress, wrinkled, damp and bloody from the past 24 hours, as Bobby brought in our bags. I stood there in my slip, watching him. His white t-shirt, wet with sweat as it stuck to his shoulders and chest. His knuckles cut and swollen from his battle with Rory, his hair a tousled mess, his cheeks flush with heat and untapped energy.
It wasn't real. I didn't have him. I was destined to pine for him. To live a life incomplete.
I closed my eyes, drawing in a long breath as I leaned against the wall behind me. Grounding myself to this spot. I pulled the pins out of my disheveled hair and let it collapse around me.
Everything ached. My spirit and bones were weary.
The door to the motel room shutting forced my eyes open. Bobby stood there, watching me in taut silence. I knew he was hurting. No matter how he reasoned this to himself. No matter how much this result justified the means, he had to leave his brother behind.
We stood there for a while, just eyes on eyes. Taking in the other. The reality of this new world. The one we had dreamed of for so long that we had begun to think we had never deserved it. That our punishment for even wanting it was that we would never have it.
Bobby walked up to me trepidatiously, like I might startle if he moved too fast. Then he was there, his long shadow blanketing me.
He looked me up and down, pushing the hair off my shoulder, kissing it. Then, his lips found the bruise on my forehead. “I'm never gonna let anything like that happen to you ever again.”
“I know,” I choked out against his chest.
My slip clung to me in this muggy motel room. Bobby had seen me in every state, but I felt dirty.
“I should shower.”
“You're perfect,” he breathed against my ear, the words sending a chill down my neck. “How are you feeling?” he asked tenderly.