“Do you wanna talk about all the papers?” she asks, hesitation in her tone.
“Not tonight. I’ve had enough for today.”
Her hold on my hand tightens. “I can help if you need anything. ’Kay?”
I clear my throat. “There is something.”
The sincerity in her eyes is overwhelming, causing a sudden tightness in my chest. “Whatever you need,” she says.
“Can you call Mac and Jones and April and see if they wanna come over at some point? I’m gonna need to tell them what happened.”
“You want me to ring them now?” She lets go of my hand and reaches for her bag, which is hooked over the chair beside her.
“No,” I bark out. “Um, it’s late.” I’m not ready to tell other people yet.
“Tomorrow night?”
It’s gonna have to be. I rub at the back of my neck, digging my fingers into my flesh.
“Yeah. Tomorrow’d be good. I’m gonna have to take time off and sort all this shit out, and I don’t know—”
“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll ring them and invite them over for dinner. They can bring pizza or something. Yeah?”
“Yeah. Thanks, Suds.”
“No worries. Anything else?”
I feel like the biggest pussy for asking this, but I don’t think I can lie in bed alone tonight. If I’m alone I know exactly where my thoughts are gonna lead me, and I’m too fucking fragile right now to be putting up any kind of fight.
“When we finish dinner, do you reckon you could lie with me ’til I fall asleep?” I’d ask her to stay in my bed for the night, but I don’t want to presume anything or push my luck.
She nods, and a soft smile curls at her pink lips. “Course. Whatever you need.”
****
SOPHIE
At six am, I peel myself from Rocco’s warm arms and take a shower. I’m numb to the raised toilet seat. If anything, it reminds me of the banter we get into. I couldn’t even have a go at him about it yesterday. Will this tragedy in his life change everything? Will Rocco recover from this?
As I blow-dry my hair, I contemplate how I’m going to handle today.
It’s my first day at my new job. I should be here.
I don’t want to leave him, but I don’t want to smother him. He managed okay without me yesterday, and I think being together last night helped.
I can’t call in sick in on my first day. That’d be career suicide, but what do I do? Does he even want me around?
I get myself dressed and decide that I’ll leave it up to him. He was ballsy enough to ask me to lie with him last night, so if he needs me today it’s his call.
My heels click on the timber floor as I walk with soft steps into his room.
He’s still face-down in the pillow. The muscles in his shoulders roll and flex as he moves onto his side to face me.
I straighten my dark grey pencil skirt, and fiddle with the buttons on my black silk top. Thank God I had a bit of extra cash from Vegas to buy a few key pieces for my new work wardrobe. I hope I look okay.
“I, ah, start my new job today,” I announce, with a shrug. He might think it’s weird starting on a Friday, but I wanted to start as soon as I could.
A slow grin tilts at the corner of his mouth. A mouth, might I add, that got real intimate with my lady parts less than forty-eight hours ago.
Nothing happened between us last night. Was it because we were both too exhausted? Too emotional? Rocco didn’t say anything about it, and neither did I. I don’t regret that it happened. I do think the timing was wrong. I just … don’t know what to make of it. The important thing is I’m here for him, whatever he needs.
“You look good enough to eat.” He diverts his penetrating gaze away and then rubs his eyes. He shakes his head, muttering something I don’t catch. “Sorry. Just pretend I kept my mouth shut.”
A tingle twinges in my lower belly. Oh my God, can this man eat pussy. If they had Olympics for pussy-eaters, then he’d be wearing gold for sure. I swallow down, and fiddle with my hair. The bun I put in now seems too tight.
“S’Okay. At least I know I look appetising.” Trying to make light of it seems like the only option.
Rocco closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. He huffs the air out through his nose and looks up at me. “First day, huh?”
“Yup.”
“I’m real happy for you.”
“Thanks,” I say, now shy. “Will you be okay?”
“I don’t plan on moving yet,” he grumbles.
“Do you want me to stay?” Because I will.
Those chocolate orbs regard me closely and then he blinks several times. “Nah, there’s shit I need to take care of.”
“I’ll be back home as soon as I can, but if you need me or anything just call, okay?”
“Go get ’em, Suds,” he says, and then rolls over and buries his head under his pillow.
I don’t blame him for wanting to shut out the world. The world just kicked him in the balls, and basically shoved life up his arse.
CHAPTER FORTY
ROCCO
“Cactus!” I call out as I stumble into the shop. The loud jingle of the electronic doorbell shrieks in my ears. “Whoa, that’s loud.” I cover my ears as the piercing sound rings out inside my skull. After scouring the shop, I finally set sights on the man I want. “I need new ink, my man. My brother’s name over my broken fuckin’ heart.”
He takes his sweet time rising from his swivel chair and shakes his head when he stands toe-to-toe with me. I grip his arm for balance.
“Mate, you know you can’t be under the influence.”
“My fucking brother just died … scratch that. He was fuckin’ murdered, so excuse fuckin’ me, but I’d like a tattoo.”
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” he says, and strokes at his long grey beard. “V’s gone?”
“Yup. Gone.”
“Come on, then.” He leads me over to the familiar worn, red leather chair. I turn and slump into it. A bottle of cold water magically appears in my hand.
“Start drinking this and then I’ll consider it.” Cactus moves to the back corner of the shop, and talks to another one of the guys with his back to me.
I try to focus on the fat bloke next to me getting ink on his shoulder. My focus is shot to shit. I push my head back against the leather chair, but the spinning is too violent. I lean over and grab the bin beside me and hurl my guts up.
A large hand grips at my shoulder and takes the bin from my hand.
Fuck you, Vinnie. You’ve left me with nothing. All I have left is … “Soph,” I choke out.
I pull my phone out of my jeans pocket and thrust it in Cactus’s face.
****
SOPHIE
I rush in the front door at five-thirty and am met with silence.
“Rocco?” I call out, as I move from room to room. Anxiety grows inside me with each passing moment. It was a mammoth effort today to focus on my new position and not think of him. My mind was only half on the job today. Hopefully Julie didn’t notice.
Be positive.
He’s probably organising stuff. I’ll just call him and find out where he is.
I dial his number, but there’s no answer. I try again and again, and nothing.
Shit.
I shake off the dark thoughts that swirl in the back of my mind. He’s fine. Maybe he went out for some fresh air or something. I can’t panic every time he’s out of sight. He’s a grown boy. Who just had his world crushed.
Everyone will be here at seven. I was close to tears on the train to work thinking about calling Mac and Jones and April. Instead, I rang April and asked her to set it up. She asked me what was wrong. Did I think I could hide the quiver in my voice. In my bravest voice, I avoided her question and said I had to run. It’s not my place to say anything. This is something Rocco has to do.