‘Pfftt!’ Jenkins sniffed with contempt. ‘Her mind has been poisoned against the Church of Rome. She will be damned to a well-deserved eternity of torment alongside all those who embrace heresy. Her Majesty is as much our enemy as the Sultan.’
‘Even though she is a Christian?’
‘Even so.’ Jenkins nodded resolutely.
Thomas looked at the old man with a heavy heart. ‘I see that those who serve the Order have not lost any of their zeal since I was last here.’
‘Zeal is our strength, sir. It is all that has sustained the Order in the centuries since we last held the Holy Land. We need it now more than ever.’ Jenkins stroked his chin wearily. ‘The truth is that the Order is in poor shape to make its stand against the Turks. Thanks to the wars in Europe, there has been little fresh blood to fill out the ranks of the knights. Captain Romegas has barely enough fighting men and sailors to man half of the Order’s galleys. Too many of the knights are past their prime, sir. Oh, their faith and their courage are as strong as ever but their poor bodies are worn out. The Grand Master most of all. He is older than I am, and his sight and strength are starting to fade, according to one of my friends who serves in his private quarters.’
‘That’s just gossip,’ Thomas retorted. ‘He appeared to be fit and sound of mind when I saw him earlier this evening.’
Jenkins smiled faintly. ‘Of course he did, sir. The Grand Master knows that everyone looks to him to lead them through the coming peril, his knights and soldiers most of all. But he cannot hide the true condition of his age from those closest to him.’ He shrugged. ‘Powerful men never seem to take account of their servants.’
Thomas was struck by the harm that could be done to the morale of the Order, and those who depended on it, if they came to see La Valette as his servants did. ‘It would be best if you did not repeat what you have heard about the Grand Master.’
‘Yes, sir. I did not mean to speak out of turn.’
‘In the normal course of events I would not mind, Jenkins. But we are all in the gravest of dangers, and La Valette is the rock upon which all hope is placed. It is a cruel burden to be laid upon the shoulders of an old man who has given his life to the service of the Order. This is the hour of his greatest challenge and even if his body is a shadow of what it once was, his heart, mind and spirit are as keen as they ever were, and tempered by his vast experience. If anyone can lead us to victory over the Turk then it is surely Jean Parisot de La Valette.’
Jenkins stared at him for a moment before he responded. ‘Fine words, sir. But do you truly believe them? It would be better if the Order elected a younger man to replace the Grand Master and let La Valette retire in peace.’
Thomas shook his head. ‘Who would not want to be at the heart of such a moment in history? If the Order triumphs then none shall forget his name, and if they are crushed then he will have won the glory of fighting to the last in the name of our faith.’
‘For my part, sir, I’d rather he won his glory some other way. I’ve no desire to be put to the sword by the Turks if they take Birgu. None of us common folk have.’
‘I am sure that some of the knights share your point of view. As for me, I would rather survive than be butchered. I am not yet convinced that God has determined a hopeless heroic end for me.’ There was an awkward silence and then Thomas drained his cup quickly and reached for the jar. ‘But enough of that. If it happens, it happens. I want to know more of what has passed in the years since I left the Order.’
Jenkins’s expression hardened and he looked down, refusing to meet the knight’s eyes. When he spoke again his voice was low and strained. ‘Must we talk of that, sir? I feared you would ask.’
‘I would know what happened.’
‘Perhaps it would be best if you sought out Sir Oliver, sir. He can tell you more than I can.’
‘I met Sir Oliver earlier,’ Thomas replied coldly. ‘He does not want to speak to me. That is why I ask you, Jenkins. There are questions I must ask. Answers I must have.’
‘Sir, please, ask me not. It does my heart good to see you again. You were always one of my favourites amongst the knights before . . . you were made to leave. I pray you, do not open old wounds. What was done is over with. Nothing can be changed. It is best to forget.’
‘Yet I cannot forget!’ The anguish in his voice caused Jenkins to start and he looked up with a fearful expression.
Thomas leaned closer, his eyes blazing. ‘When I was banished, I lost everything that counted with me, everything. My comrades, my honour, my faith and . . . my love.’ The last word was uttered through clenched teeth. ‘Twenty years I have endured this. At first I tried to set my heart like stone and exile emotion.’ And he had failed pitifully in the attempt. ‘Then, when I knew I could not, I turned to the service of the warlords of Europe and yet still endured the memories that filled the void between work and sleep. Time, finally, assuaged the worst of the burden, and then I am summoned back here. Jenkins, I cannot tell you how the very sight and scent of this island have torn at my heart. To walk the streets of Birgu and enter the auberge once again has wounded my soul. Here I was once happy. That which I had prized above all else in life is gone. Maria is dead.’
‘Who says so?’
‘Sir Oliver.’ Thomas eased himself back and rubbed his brow slowly. ‘In England I had considered it, and tried to make myself believe it. What else could I do? I had no way of knowing what happened here. Every member of the Order was forbidden to communicate with me, and it would have been death for me to set foot on the island. I had come to accept that Maria was gone from my life, if never from my heart, and now I am returned and discover she is dead and it is as if I must learn to live without her all over again. Forgive me.’ Thomas looked up at the joists and took a deep breath. He had never intended for his feelings to find such expression, only to ask for the bare details of the knowledge he sought. But now it was too late and the cold, hard face he had presented to the world had melted like late snow in spring.
‘My poor master,’ said Jenkins. ‘I did not know that she, that Maria, was dead. Only that after you were banished she left Birgu.’ Thomas felt his heart lurch. ‘Where? Where did she go?’
‘I do not know, sir. All I knew was that she had gone into confinement, until the child was born. After that I heard nothing for several months. It was the following winter, when Sir Oliver was entertaining La Valette in his quarters here at the auberge. As I brought them more wine I overheard them speak of the matter. Sir Oliver said that the child, a boy, had been born, but had been sickly and died shortly afterwards.’
‘I had a son . . .’ Thomas felt an ache in his heart at the news. A son. Maria had borne his son. He was caught between the pain of knowing what he had lost and anger over never having known of it until now. It was a while before he could control his thoughts enough to speak again. ‘And Maria? What became of her?’
‘I know not, sir. There was a rumour that she had left Malta for a convent at Naples. I have not seen her since she left Birgu. If she is dead then it will have been in Naples.’ He paused and continued in a cautious tone, ‘Sir Oliver knows more than I. Ask him.’
‘I would ask but he will not speak to me of her. He hates me.’
‘Are you surprised? It was well known that he, too, had lost his heart to the lady. She chose to love you.’ Jenkins shook his head sadly. ‘It is a hard thing for a man to accept without growing bitter and hateful. I have lived long enough to see more than enough of it. Envy is a cruel master.’
‘Even so, she left our lives a long time ago, long enough, surely, to heal the wound in Sir Oliver’s heart.’
Jenkins eyed the knight warily. ‘Your heart is not yet healed.’