Old Marthe
Lived on a farm
Outside town.
Some people said
She was a witch.
She always wore
A long brown coat
And galoshes,
Even when she slept.
She gave
Remedies
To the sick
And Disabled.
She made them from
Items she gathered
In the woods: flowers,
Bark, weeds, nuts.
She trapped small
Animals for food
And wore their bones
Around her neck or
Boiled them for soup.
In my sixth year
My mother took me
To her place.
I was scared
But fascinated
By her
Ramshackle house.
Marthe melted a candle
In a pot
And poured hot wax
Into my ears.
It hurt a lot.
She made me sit
On a stool
As it cooled.
Then she took
A paring knife
And carefully
Removed the hard wax.
Marthe cupped her palms
Over my ears,
Said a prayer, and quickly
Removed her hands.
She was yelling
And stomping her feet
Like she was dancing.
Her black cat,
Mittennacht,
Ran out the door.
Mother and I were
Hoping she could
Make me hear,
But she couldn’t.
On the way home
My mother cried.
And I still wanted
To be a regular girl
Rather than a dumb animal.
In 1939
I was thirteen years old.
My family and our neighbors
Had learned to accept me.
I was the deaf girl with pigtails
In a red and yellow calico dress.
Father Josef taught me
To write the whole alphabet.
I could read a couple of books.
I carried a pad and pencil
To write down answers
To questions I was asked
Or to ask for a pound of
Sugar or butter at the store.
Many people in town had
Learned my word signs.
It was still difficult
For me to speak.
I moved my lips
When I prayed in church.
I could feel the organ
Playing through the floor.
It shook
My whole body and soul.
At home I helped
My mother cook, clean,
And look after
Clara and Schatze.
It would seem
That my life was good.
But something terrible
Was about to happen.
Action T4
Was the Nazi program that
Almost cost me my life.
It was named after
The address of its
Headquarters in Berlin,
Tiergartenstrasse 4.
T4 was run by doctors
Not soldiers
Or the Gestapo,
The secret police.
The directors were
Dr. Philip Bouhler
And Karl Brandt,
Hitler’s private physician.
They were not good doctors
Who wanted to help people.
They were under direct orders
To kill the mentally ill
And people with disabilities.
It made no difference to them
If we were children or adults.
It was just a job to them.
Eugenics
The Nazis believed that certain people
Were superior to other people.
They wanted the human race
To become an “Aryan” race.
They wanted to get rid of people
Who they thought
Polluted the gene pool.
This is called eugenics,
Or “racial hygiene.”
They wanted perfect people
To give birth to more perfect people.
They imagined Germany as a master race
Who would rule the world.
They attacked Jews, people of color,
Homosexuals, and Gypsies, among others.
And they decided
Disabled people
Were “useless eaters”
Who were “unfit to live.”
Patients in institutions
Were the first to die.
The Nazis knew that many Germans
Would be opposed to Action T4
If they knew the whole truth.
So they had to hide the facts.
They said “specialist children’s wards,”
But they meant children-killing centers.
They said “final medical assistance,”
But they meant murder.
Euthanasia
Is the act or practice
Of killing or permitting the death of hopelessly sick
Or injured people or animals with as little pain as
Possible for mercy reasons.
It is a controversial procedure and sad
For everyone. A decision is usually made
By a patient or her loved ones.
The Nazis claimed the Disabled
Were so miserable in their lives
That they didn’t care if they lived or died.
They pretended they were helping us.
But I wanted
My life.
I liked being a part
Of the larger
Everything.
My parents were aware
These things
Were happening
In our country.
But they didn’t tell me.
I used to play
Outside all day.
I’d jump rope, climb
Trees, and pick the tart
Little apples to eat.
I’d lie on the grass
And study my picture
Bible or the newspaper.
But now they wanted me
To stay in the house.
The seasons were changing.
Our roof sprang a leak
And the rain fell
Into buckets and the bathtub.