The knot inside of me had tightened as he spoke and I lost my nerve. He didn’t want to lose sight of what was important, but what about me? Was I not important? I could feel the tears welling in my eyelids but I somehow managed to push back my emotions. I had lost my nerve and I just couldn’t tell him. I should never have trusted him, he was just like every other guy I’d ever met. They wanted someone to screw, and if you let them, they’d do it in every way possible. I nodded in agreement and left him to finish packing, alone.
Back at college things were different. My body was different, my emotions were different, even my friends were different. Nobody understood why I had become such a basket case, or why I was gaining an inordinate amount of weight.
Depression had a hold on me, as I struggled to see a bright future for my son, who would grow up without a father. When my dad and step-mom learned the truth, I knew they would shun me. Worse, I expected they would shun the baby as well.
It had been nearly nine months now, and the friends who had stuck around seemed to be dropping off left and right. They liked to party and play, and not the kind that you would be doing with a child. So when I went into labor, it was no surprise that I found myself entirely alone. I packed my car with the things I had previously set aside for the birth. I waited in the drivers seat for the next contraction, knowing that the hospital was just ten minutes away. Since the contractions were still twelve minutes apart, I thought I would have just enough time to get there safely between them.
I quickly realized that I was wrong, as I merged onto highway five and pain racked my body. I cringed, holding the steering wheel with all of my might. My face contorted with the pain and I struggled to keep my eyes open. There was nowhere to pull off, nowhere to stop. I had to continue, I had to make it, for the baby. I felt a sudden whoosh of fluid coating my legs and thighs. I looked down, terrified by the unexpected wetness.
“It’s just your water Jane. Get it together, you’re almost there.” I redirected my eyes to the road but realized instantly that it was too late. I closed my eyes as the car slammed into the taillights aglow in front of me. Everything was suddenly dark.
Before I ever regained consciousness I could hear the beeping of machines and the low muffled voices that surrounded me. My body wouldn’t respond as I pleaded with my eyes to open. I was scared, and I could think of nothing but the baby. I couldn’t feel him inside of me anymore and each time I came and went in this pseudo-aware state, I feared that I had lost him.
It seemed like years before my eyes finally opened. I groggily stared into the room before I could make out the shape of a man in the window, looking out. It was Jake. He was looking at the floor with his arms crossed, and I feared that only bad news could come from such a solemn scene.
“Jake…my baby?” I choked, tears streaming down as I feared the answer.
Jake spun, surprised on his face as he saw that I was awake. He began to speak but I paid him no attention my eyes met with the tiny bundle that he held close to his chest. It was the baby, my baby, my Jacob. I slowly lifted my arms, tears still falling lightly onto the bundle as Jake placed that baby into my arms. I inspected him, each finger, each toe, his beautiful blue eyes.
“He’s beautiful. Absolutely perfect.” Jake said as stood nearby, stroking my hair softly.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone Jane? Is he… Mine?”
I looked up, seeing the pain that was in his eyes. The pain of having been kept in the dark.
“I never would have suggested that we part. I never wanted to leave you Jane.” His lips met with mine and he softly kissed the bruises on my face.
“I want to be here for the baby, and for you. I have never felt anything like what I am feeling now. My baby… Our baby, he is absolutely perfect and nothing I have ever done in life has seemed so perfect as this.” Jake knelt down beside me and looked into my eyes.
“Please Jane, say that you’ll be with me forever, say that you’ll marry me.”
In his hands he held a simple golden band, but to me, it was the most beautiful thing, next to my baby, that I had ever seen. We were going to be a family, and the future was ours to build. Happy, healthy, and deeply in love.
Step-Brother; Hard Lessons
My mother and father walked into the dining room where I was silently brooding. Dad gave me a hug and warned me to be careful and to make sure I always kept the door locked. He then gave me twenty dollars and stepped out into the garage with their luggage.
“Bye dad.” I called listlessly.
"Oh I'm so glad your stepbrother will be here to keep an eye on you. You can never be too careful." My mother said with genuine concern.
It was ridiculous we lived in the suburbs for God sakes. There was even a guard station that was manned twenty-four seven. I scowled at her.
"Yeah mom, tons to worry about.”
Closing the door behind them, I went and sat down in front of the television. I flip to the station until I found my favorite. I still couldn't believe he was here; I have a whole summer planned. Angie was coming; she’d be here in three days. Now we had my cocky stepbrother to deal with.
"Hey sis." Ty said grabbing the remote control and turning the channel.
"I was watching that, Turn it back.”
"No way, remember what mom said, I'm in charge." He said with a smug look on his face as he turned on a college football game.
" Fuck you." He was such an ass.
"Mellow out sis, we have the whole summer for you to get worked up." He grinned at me as he pulled out a bong from beside the couch.
I couldn't believe it. We had both tried pot once at a party, but I thought that was the only time. On top of that, our dad was a cop. If he were caught he’d never hear the end of it. He drew a deep breath and stifled cough as the flame ignited the bowl. I watched curiously as he held his breath, finally releasing, a plume of smoke. His body relaxed, leaning back into the couch next to me. Just as I was about to protest, he lifted the device in my direction.
"I don't do that! And neither should you. What would dad say?”
He took another rip, this time, leaning in close to my face. I suddenly felt flush; his face was so close to mine. I wanted to pull away, but his breath was too strong. His lips puckered and for a second I thought he was going to kiss me. But in the next moment, he slowly released the thick smoke into my nostrils. I tried to hold my breath, but he held his until I inhaled again. I felt the rush almost instantly; it had been nearly a year since I smoked. He released his grip on my face grinning.
He had been this way since he moved in with us. Always sneaking around and partying, having girls over late at night, and yet somehow, my mother saw him as a saint. She always told me that I should be more like my stepbrother. I once got caught during high school. The cops broke up a party that I had been at. I was completely sober and it wasn’t even ten at night. Mom grounded me for a whole month just for being there. He, on the other hand, was practically out of control, and never once was reprimanded.
Even now he had a reputation. He was out of state now that he’d been recruited on a football scholarship, but the girls still talked about him. They treated me like it was my fault that they had let my brother fuck them. A lot of girl’s thought he might even be gay, but me, I doubted it, he was just an asshole who never got bored of a conquest. Besides, the girls were practically lining up to drop their panties, what guy wouldn’t give them what they wanted. I knew why they liked him. He was tall, athletic, attractive, and full of himself in a way that made you want to be around him. But the fact was, he didn’t care about anyone but himself.