I glanced up, and through blurred vision, I could tell it was Theo by his broad shoulders and straggled hair. “Couldn’t make it to the elevator in time.”
“You can’t let her drive angry.”
“She won’t.” He lifted up the key fob. “She forgot the keys.”
I sniffled, dropping my chin. “Theo, I—I feel so bad.” My throat dried and thickened, eyes welting again. “We never should have touched each other…”
His face saddened, tears collecting at the rims of his eyes. “I know, Chloe.” He pulled me in and inhaled. His warm breath ran down my shoulders when he exhaled. “I’m so fucking sorry, Knight.”
He held me, rocked with me for just a little while. “This can’t be fixed,” I whispered. “Can it?”
He didn’t say anything. I didn’t expect him to.
Pulling back and tilting my chin, he said, “Come with me to the docks. It should get you to relax… calm down for now. She’ll come back. She has to. Let her take some time to cool off, and let’s hope she doesn’t do anything crazy.”
“Should we go after her?”
He was perplexed. He wanted to, but he and I both knew Izzy would be hard to find, and if we did find her, we would get another ear full of hatred and shame. So he shook his head. “Nah. Let her come back to us.”
She’d come back to him. But me… hmm. No. But I nodded anyway, and he brought his mouth down to kiss me. I expected to feel that same heat, that quick fire that always made me combust deep inside, but instead, I felt nothing. It didn’t feel like how it felt once before.
It wasn’t dirty or bad or wrong. It didn’t even feel good. I didn’t feel anything. I was numb to his touch, like my body had anesthetized itself, preventing me from feeling anymore pain, or hurt… even the love.
He noticed… I think. If he did, he didn’t speak on it.
Theo grabbed his keys, and we were at his bike in no time. During the ride, I clung to him as if my life depended on it, but there was something about the position I was in. He was quiet, but I was quieter. I still cried, going over all the times he and I made love, how we secretly created a relationship that couldn’t be understood. The foundation of our relationship was Izzy. If it weren’t for being her friend, I never would have met or hung around Theo so much.
I was sure his mind was crowded, not only with how he was going to gain his daughter’s forgiveness, but also with Mrs. Black. She’d cheated on him… with Sterling. She lied about a lot of things. All these years he thought she was only loyal to him—and for a while she was—but for the last few years of her life, she wasn’t. She’d given half of her heart to a boy that had similarities to her first love.
That night, I was sure Theo’s peace with her death had changed. He didn’t know his wife like he thought he did. Hell, he hardly got to spend much time with her because she was always working, and by “working” I meant messing around with Sterling.
I held Theo that night, and as my tears dampened his T-shirt, I only had one thought in mind, a thought that cut me so deep and gutted me so much I felt like I was suffocating.
He was right about the guilt I would feel if Izzy ever found out about us—how it would eat me alive if I even dared to continue what I had with him. My heart still beat, but it was aching. My soul had been shattered and crushed. I had no desire to smile, no desire to be happy or to feel complete.
I’d lost my only friend—my sister.
I’d lost her.
Forever.
There was always the question of what it would be like if she ever found out, but now that she had, everything I knew about myself seemed so meaningless. If she were to forgive me, it would never be the same between us. A permanent awkwardness would surround us whenever we were together, pushing us further apart and making it that much harder to be happy.
My body racked, the sobs blending in with the wind that passed me by. I sobbed because I would never see Izzy again. I cried because, after that night, I would be someone else—someone without a partner in crime or with calls and texts to look forward to.
But I wept most because, after that night, I was never going to hold Theo like this again.
TWENTY-FOUR
The world I had restored after three lonely years came crashing down again. And this time, it was really, really fucked up.
My baby girl… my daughter. I couldn’t believe myself. After raising her to be the woman she’d become, showing her the ropes in life, and teaching her the basics of how to survive in this crazy world, I’d sent her running away from me. I broke my baby’s heart—actually I’d broken two hearts.
Her trust in me? Gone.
My Isabelle…
It’s sad to think that I never thought I would get to that point—of her finding out about Chloe and me. I wanted her to stay oblivious to it. I wanted to keep my daughter in my life but also keep my little knight in shining armor.
Who was I kidding? I knew I couldn’t have both—that I couldn’t keep going on with Chloe like I did. Her words… they broke the little that was left of my heart, and when she spewed her anger at Chloe, I felt fucking terrible.
It wasn’t her fault.
It was mine. I never should have touched her. I never should have relied on her to take care of me. I was a grown man. I shouldn’t have needed saving by someone that hardly even knew better. I shouldn’t have expected her to come running, picking up all my damaged pieces and restoring them.
But I did. I didn’t regret it, though. As horrible as I felt, I didn’t regret what Chloe and I created. I would never regret someone that made me feel alive again when I thought it would be damn near impossible to. I loved that girl—I loved her more than life itself, but I loved my daughter unconditionally. More that I can put into words.
I loved Janet dearly, but after finding out she’d lied to me, I went blank. She cheated on me, something I never would have done to her. She hardly knew that kid. She’d known me for fifteen years of her life, but risked putting our relationship on the line for a kid that most likely considered her a good, easy lay.
Chloe said he loved her, but I didn’t believe it. I didn’t believe it because he didn’t love Janet the way I did. Wholly. Fiercely. Passionately. Undeniably. Fuck, I couldn’t believe I’d spent so many years with her, and in the end, it turned out she wasn’t happy with me.
Where did I go wrong?
What did I do?
Did I not love hard enough?
Did I forget a birthday or anniversary?
Did I not show her enough attention?
I blinked my tears away as I walked onto Dirty Black, cranking her up and sailing across the sea. Chloe sat on the bench in the corner with her arms wrapped around her, her line of sight nowhere near mine. She focused on the ocean. She hadn’t said a thing since leaving the condo.
My heart broke for her. I couldn’t imagine how she felt. I thought surely I would be able to protect her from ever getting caught—from ever ruining her relationship with my daughter.
I was wrong.
I guess I couldn’t do everything.
I was no Superman.
I was the Joker, playing tricks with her mind and body, bringing her deeper into a game that both we knew wouldn’t end fairly.
Stopping the boat, I went for the anchor and dropped it in the water, then turned around, getting an eyeful of Chloe. Fuck, she was hurt. Her face was pale, her body shivering as if she were freezing. But she wasn’t shaking from the wind. She was shaking because she was crying.
I walked her way, silently reaching for her hand. She looked up as I kissed the back of it. Then I brought her to a stand. She looked away, but she stayed close. “I’ll talk to Izzy,” I murmured. “She can’t be angry forever.”