His jaw was clenched so tightly I thought it might break, “Are you going to ask him to give you time too?”
“No, I can't.”
Chase's eyes turned to ice and his mouth popped open, “So you're just going to go back to him? Pretend like last night never happened? You're so worried about hurting everyone else, do you even realize you'll be hurting me?” He shot up off the bed and started pacing back and forth, “Damn it Harper, don't you see that? I'm the one that will have to watch you with your boyfriend while waiting for you to figure out what you want!”
I flinched when the bedroom door slammed shut behind him. He was right, and I didn't want to hurt him either, but I didn't know what else to do at the moment. I was more in love with Chase than I'd realized, but I couldn't live without Brandon. If I thought I'd hated myself for kissing Chase, I now felt like I was dying thinking about how I'd just betrayed the man I love more than my own life. Even if I thought it was too soon, I'd overheard him talking to his mom telling her he thought I was “the one”, and I couldn't help but smile at thoughts of our future together. I briefly considered a future with Chase, it didn't go far. There's no way Chase felt the same way I did for him. I'm not saying he doesn't love me, but it can't mean the same as it does for me. If I were to choose him, would he go back to being hot and cold once I did, and would he want to be with me for any length of time? As much as I wanted to believe everything he said to me last night, deep down I was terrified he'd up and leave me like he has every other girl. Brandon wouldn't do that, and he's never once treated me badly. His nearly shaved head, chiseled face and tall beefy body may make him appear dangerous, but that boy adored me and would do anything for me. My mind was made up, Brandon is who I would choose when this day ended, in my heart I knew he was who I couldn't live without. But after what happened last night, I'm afraid I'll never be able to give him my entire heart like he deserves.
The hot steam of the shower couldn't even soothe me. I knew I could live without him, but my heart was still breaking just thinking about a life without Chase. I choked on a sob and soon my tears blended in with the water pouring on me. I pressed my hands to the wall of the shower to keep myself standing and cried harder than I ever have. Chase's hands turned me around and clutched me to him as my body shook with sobs. When I opened my eyes I realized he still had his jeans on and was completely soaked. I looked up to his face and memorized his hard jaw, full lips, perfect nose, bright blue eyes and shaggy wet hair. Even in pain, he was incredibly handsome.
“Why are you in here?”
“Because you need me,” His voice was hoarse, “and if this is my last hour with you, I'm not going to waste another second of it.”
He touched his lips to mine, and I met his kiss greedily. It was difficult, but we somehow managed to get his jeans off before he pressed me into the wall and positioned himself with my legs wrapped around him. I knew I was breaking my heart more, and adding more hurt to my relationship with Brandon, but I needed this last time with Chase. He slowly made love to me as the hot water continued to pour over us, and though I was no longer sobbing, a steady stream of tears ran down my face the entire time. He knew this was our last time to be together too, and the mixture of love, passion, pain and sadness made for the most beautiful experience of my life. Neither of us spoke after as we helped each other wash our hair and bodies, or when we dried off and dressed, but our eyes never once left each other’s. They said everything for us in that last hour. He drove me to his house so I could pick up Brandon's Jeep, and we sat there for another twenty minutes just holding hands, his thumb making circles against my palm. I glanced down at the clock and pulled the keys out my purse with a sigh. I grabbed the door handle but his voice stopped me.
“Harper,” he spoke around the lump in his throat, “I will love you for the rest of my life.”
I couldn't turn to look at him, I just kept my eyes on the handle, “You will always be in my heart Chase Grayson.” I walked away then, and didn't look back.
8
I glanced in the rear view mirror and groaned when I saw my reflection. I looked terrible, but at least I actually looked like I had been sick. After a few breaths in and out, I put the ache to the back of my mind and focused on Brandon. He is who I want and who I need. I don't deserve him, but as long as he wants me, I'll be his. I walked to the baggage claim area and after a few minutes of waiting, saw him walking in a crowd of people. My heart tightened and I took off running towards him. I'd been unfaithful, and I was a horrible person, but I was madly in love with this man.
“Babe, I missed you!” I giggled when he immediately swept me up into his arms.
He smiled down at me and kissed my forehead, “God, I missed you too.”
“I'm so glad you're back.”
“How are you feeling sweetheart?”
“Better now that you're here.” I wrapped one hand around his neck and trailed my other fingers across his cheekbone, jaw and lips.
“I'm sorry I wasn't last night.”
“Don't be, it wouldn't have been a fun night for you.” Really. It wouldn't have been.
“Is there anything we need to get you on the way back?”
A time machine so I can go back two weeks. “No, honestly I feel so much better. Must have been one of those twenty four hour things, just take me home.”
I almost sighed in relief when I saw the driveway empty of Chase's truck, I couldn't face him when I walked into Brandon's room. While Brandon took a shower, I dressed in one of his button-up shirts and a pair of boy-cut underwear and climbed onto his bed. I knew it would drive him crazy, and as horrible as I will be for it, I needed to have a steamy session with him to push Chase even farther from my thoughts. Bree was right, this poor guy was going to explode if I didn't take it to the next level soon. But I hadn't been ready before, and damn if I thought I could be ready now. How was I supposed to let him love me and love him back in that way when he thought he was the first person I'd ever been with?
“Aw hell baby.” He groaned as his eyes raked over me.
I faked confusion and hurt as I got off the bed, “Oh, well if you want me to change, I will.”
He picked me up and slammed us onto the bed, pinning my body under his. He kissed me thoroughly and I forced myself not to compare his kisses to Chase's. I emptied my mind and focused on nothing but his lips covering mine, and his hand under the shirt on my waist. His other hand cupped under my left knee and hitched it up around his hip, when his fingers moved back to my borrowed shirt, he stopped and pushed off me. Lifting the shirt up to my waist he ran a hand over my tattoo and smiled as he brought his lips back to mine.
“You like?”
“You have no idea how sexy you are.” He growled against my mouth.
I ran my hands over his head and pressed my chest to his. Bringing my other leg up to his hip as well, he pressed me deeper into the mattress when Bree came into the house shouting my name.
“You have got to be kidding me.” I groaned and slapped a hand over my face.
Brandon chuckled in frustration and jumped off me to cover me with the comforter then went to find a shirt. “I needed to stop anyway.” He smiled and bent down to kiss me, his now gray eyes were still burning.
“HARPER!”
“She's in here Bree.” Adding softly, “You're in trouble.” He left my side with a parting wink.
“Do you have any idea how scared I was? I thought you died!”
I burst into laughter, and laughed even harder when she narrowed her eyes at me. “Really Bree? You thought I died?”