EMILY: Why do you think you’ll lose him, Vinnie?
MARSHA: Because he doesn’t give enough in return.
VINCENT: That’s part of it, but basically it’s because I’m in this fantastic state of growth, I’m in an accelerated state of growth, which I have been all my life. That’s why I have a tremendous fear of death, because of the speed I’m going at and the speed of feelings I’ve always gone at. I’m not exalting myself either.
EMILY: I understand that because I’m exactly the same.
VINCENT: Also the fact that I’m an artist and my structure has to do with growth and movement — starting a painting, finishing it and starting another one, you always move a step ahead, you never repeat yourself. And the fact that I’m in analysis and really want to go all the way back into things in terms of truth. I think anything you undertake you have to do completely and well.
MARSHA: You know how many friends I’ve rejected this year?
EMILY: Practically everyone you’ve ever known.
MARSHA: Right, and it’s one of the best things that’s happened to me.
VINCENT: That’s what I was talking about last night, when I said all these years I have encouraged Marsha to get a feeling of herself within herself. That’s when I was most hurt, when you didn’t acknowledge that positive aspect of our friendship.
MARSHA: I know.
EMILY: Besides, very deep and full and varied experiences can only come from relating to a few select people. For instance, when I made the analogy of your replacing Joan, Vinnie, I didn’t mean in terms of particular qualities, but in total meaning in my life. Because people are really quite unique.
VINCENT: Oh, I just got the most terrific pain right here. What is it? Is it my heart? Is it my heart, Marsha?
EMILY: Don’t talk, darling, I’ll tell you how to get rid of it. Completely relax, stretch your legs out and breathe very deeply and slowly. That’s right — very, very slowly. Make an effort to relax, it’ll go away.
MARSHA: Is it going away?
VINCENT: Very slightly. It’s where my heart is, I’m sorry, it’s exactly where my heart is.
EMILY: Darling, there’s such a thing as heart pain, you know. Just make an effort to completely relax. You don’t want to contract with the pain, you want to relax with it.
MARSHA: Natural childbirth.
VINCENT: Don’t touch me, that’s all. Oh, the pain!
EMILY: Just relax and it will go away. Believe me, I deal with this every single day that I study acting. I promise it will go away if you relax.
VINCENT: Put that hat over my face — I need shade.
MARSHA: Should I hold it for you?
VINCENT: Just be quiet.
EMILY: Lee Strasberg is all about dealing with these things. People do exercises in class and the sensory work opens up the instrument so that certain parts of the body start to let go like on a Reichian level. It has nothing to do with anything being wrong with you — nothing.
VINCENT: I’m so frightened of death.
MARSHA: This happened just after you said that. We were talking about death and five minutes later you get this pain in your heart.
VINCENT: Am I turning into some sort of a nut? Am I? Tell me the truth, I can take it.
EMILY: No, it’s not you, it’s your body. Your body’s been doing this for thirty-two years.
VINCENT: What, having heart attacks?
EMILY: No, the body expresses itself independent of the mind. If you have anxiety, like over Nathan’s attack and all the analyzing, the body’s going to let you know; it’ll shake, it’ll do whatever it’s going to do. The body can say to hell with you — that’s exactly what it’s doing.
VINCENT: I think it’s letting up. Maybe we should take a walk — it might relax us a great deal, a little bit of a walk by the water. Then later we have to go out dancing.
25. EMILY AND VINCENT GO OUT DANCING
EMILY: No one’s going to believe it in a million years.
VINCENT: Emmy, let’s go back there.
EMILY: Turn around, Vinnie, we’ve got to go back. I’ll never get over this as long as I live, so help me Christ oh God.
VINCENT: I’m sorry, this is a fantastic experience.
EMILY: Did it ever happen to you before?
VINCENT: Never. Can we go back to the gay bar as though we’d never been there?
EMILY: No, darling, you don’t understand the importance of this.
VINCENT: Of course I do! What do you think I am — some sort of slunk?
EMILY: Can you believe that we just saw four reindeer? I don’t care what anyone says, I’m never going to get over this. It might have been the most moving experience of my entire life.
VINCENT: It was right in this field and now they’re nowhere to be seen.
EMILY: Vinnie, put your brights on, sweetheart.
VINCENT: They are on, darling. I wish they were brighter.
EMILY: Are you sure this is the field? That was one of the most tragic experiences of my entire life.
VINCENT: Unbelievable. Did you see how they were looking at us? I’ll tell you, if we had had a gun, we could have gotten them all in a minute.
EMILY: Who would have wanted to? You don’t really understand.
VINCENT: Tell me about it. Why was it so important to you?
EMILY: Because deers are the wildest and purest of animals, they are the combination of virile and beautiful, that exact combination of great valor and great sensitivity.
VINCENT: Emmy, do you think we’re going to sink in the mud?
EMILY: I think we’re going to be raped and killed on this road. Vinnie, nobody would believe what happened to us.
VINCENT: There was only one guy in that whole place who was attractive, I don’t care what you say, that boy in the purple sweater.
EMILY: It wasn’t purple, it was gray.
VINCENT: It was a washed-out purple. Emmy, what do I do now?
EMILY: Don’t turn your wheel, baby. Let me do it, darling, please. You’re turning your wheel too much, sweetheart, you’re turning your wheel too much.
VINCENT: No I’m not, I’m doing it right. Emmy, I’ll tell you something — we were very stuck there for a minute. Wait a second— what’s that?
EMILY: It’s a beer can.
VINCENT: Some beer can — it’s blinking.
EMILY: Vinnie, I’m going to tell you once and for all, we saw four reindeer tonight, and it just beat my heart in twain.
VINCENT: Mark that, Emmy, mark that. Get it?
EMILY: I mean who in a million years would think there were deer around this part?
VINCENT: I know there were some in Montauk, but I thought they only came out in the winter.
EMILY: I’ve never seen a deer before.
VINCENT: Look, there’s someone necking there.
EMILY: Should we pull up and watch? No. How come you know where you’re going?
VINCENT: Because I’ve been here before and I have a fantastic sense of humor. Emmy, did we have fun tonight?
EMILY: I had a very good time; I loved it.
VINCENT: The whole thing was unbelievable in terms of a complete experience — first the Puerto-Rican-Hawaiian element of the Out-of-the-Ordinary Inn, then going to this gay bar with all those low-class people. And then seeing the four deer which made us realize who we were.
EMILY: It did, really, it completely sobered us up, it brought us back to a certain kind of spiritual purity.
VINCENT: Emmy, you’re a wonderful woman. I’m sorry, it’s raining, I don’t care what you say.
EMILY: Put your wipers on.
VINCENT: I love you for letting me drive. But why do these things that are cleaning the windows go so slow?