I sigh and shove him hard in the chest. It completely catches him off-guard and he loses his balance, falling back onto the couch with a grunt. I climb onto his lap and wrap my arms around his thick shoulders. “I’m lonely. I’m tired of making bad decisions, and this may be just another one, but it doesn’t feel like it. I don’t have anything to give you but me, Jonah, so if that’s not enough—”
“Did that coke kill your brain cells, babe?” he asks, grinning from ear to ear. “It’s enough; trust me, it’s fuckin’ more than enough. All I’ve ever wanted was you.”
I won’t make promises I can’t keep, and I won’t lie about going into this without reservations, so I don’t say anything more. Instead, I press my lips to his and I feel him open to me. His tongue pushes into my mouth, hungry and seeking, probing. I grasp the sides of his face and kiss him like I’m starving, like a want to devour him the way his hands and lips and tongue are consuming me.
Tank grabs my hips and rocks me back and forth in his lap. His cock is long and hard against his leathers, and just the feel of it pushing up against me has my pussy begging for more as we move with one another.
I unfasten his zip and slide my hand inside his pants, stroking the velvet length. I want badly to feel that curved cock hitting all of the right spots inside me, his wide head stretching me open as I come. I want him to bruise, to hurt, and to punish. I want him to fuck me so hard that I feel that soreness and think of him every time I move for the next two days. And as though he can sense all this, as though he knows how badly I need it, he pulls away and says, “Get on the coffee table. On all fours.”
I clamber to my feet and unfasten my jeans, sliding them down my hips and stepping out of them in a hurry. “Shirt too. I wanna see those fuckin’ awesome tits.”
I remove my shirt and bra, tossing them behind me. I stand completely naked before him while he’s still partially clothed, his dick jutting out proudly as he strokes it. He tilts his chin at me. “The table, babe.”
I eagerly scramble onto it, silently begging him to shove inside me, but he lowers himself to the floor and I feel his warm breath on my pussy.
“Fuck me, Tank,” I plead. Just moments ago his eyes had promised me everything I wanted, but this was not it. Where is the hard pounding? The pain? The release?
“Shut the fuck up,” he growls, and his tongue darts out to taste me. I flinch and move my hips away from him.
I can do pressure on my clit; I can handle anything any man has ever tried to give me, but the one thing I can’t do, the one thing that destroys me is pleasure without pain. I know it’s fucked up. I know I sound like I belong in some skeezy BDSM novel, but it is what it is. I’ve never let any man touch me without begging them to make it hurt. I need it to hurt.
Tank knows that. He’s always known that. I’ve never been able to separate pure pleasure from that part of me that needs to be hurt. So the fact that Tank is trying again to break me of that, well, it not only pisses me off, but it feels like a knife to the gut.
“Tank,” I beg. He wraps an arm around my hips and holds me like a vice. I can’t move. I squirm against him, but he won’t let me go. Without warning, he drives two thick fingers inside me. It hurts, and I breathe easier, especially once he starts thrusting them in and out of me in a brutal punishing rhythm. I close my eyes and lose myself in the sound and feel of his slick fingers working against my body.
When I’m close, he stops pumping all together. He slides them out of me and the arm pinning me in place loosens a little as his fingers gently stroke my clit. I buck against him, away from him, and though I can feel my orgasm building, I don’t want it like this. I can’t have it like this. My body disagrees completely, and as he buries his head in my pussy, eating me out as though he’s famished, licking me from back to front, and stroking my clit with attentive fingers, I come undone. Pleasure, heady and intense, smacks into me. I lose myself completely.
Tank keeps up his gentle pressure, licking and sucking until a second orgasm sluices through me, and it’s too much. I can’t deal with the sensations in my body, and the idea that they’re caused not by pain but from pleasure alone.
Hot tears trail down my cheeks and I close my eyes. I twist and grab his head from behind, holding him in position as I ride out the agonising high.
Tank gets to his feet and I think finally he’s going to fuck me, that he’ll drive into me and fuck me senseless right here on the table, and that we can forget whatever the hell that was, but he doesn’t fuck me. Of course he doesn’t. He takes hold of my waist and lifts me from the table, setting me on my feet. Slowly, I turn and face him. His beard is covered with my juices, and while a part of me wants to lick it off, I lower my head and lean into his body. I can’t look at him. If I do, I’m afraid he’ll see something in me, something that tells him he can continue to treat me with tenderness, and that isn’t at all what I want. It isn’t—
He steals my thoughts by placing his hands on either side of my face and gently, reverently tilting my head up to his. I close my eyes so I don’t meet his gaze, so he won’t see beneath to all of the unexposed parts of me.
“Look at me, babe.”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Please?” he begs, and goddamn him, I do. Because I’ve never heard him sound so defenceless. I’ve never heard him sound vulnerable, and the fact that this huge man—who’s ordinarily so strong and so self-reliant—might need something from me, something that only I can give him in this moment, is a sobering thought. I open my eyes, and see the need there, not just need but hunger and nervousness all at once, which makes me smile a little, because it’s so odd to see the man who never feels anything show so much emotion with one little look.
“I’m gonna take you to my bed, and I’m gonna lay you down, and I’m gonna fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before, and you’re gonna love every second of it,” he whispers, and kisses me hard on the mouth.
I return his kisses with vigour. Our mouths devour one another, our hands soothe and scorch all at once, and for the first time in my life I feel something I never thought possible. I feel strong and weakened. I’m overjoyed and undone all at once because I’ve never had anyone touch me the way he does, I’ve never had anyone build me up before, and I’ve never not wanted to break in another man’s hands.
Tank builds, not breaks. Odd, considering he kills for a living. Though I guess that’s exactly what he’s doing in this moment. Killing me slowly, softly, and so deliciously that I’d happily die a thousand times over to feel this again.
His big hands move from my hair down my back and cup my arse, hard. It’s the first time he’s shown any of the Tank that I’m used to, and it jars me for a moment. He lifts me, and I have no choice but to wrap my legs around his hips. His legs are still in his leathers, and he shuffles at a snail’s pace, but for the first time ever there’s no urgency between us. I kiss him slow and deep and writhe against him with each step that we take towards the bedroom. Moments later, Tank stumbles and falls onto the bed, crushing me beneath him, and the air rushes out of my lungs with an oomph.
“Fuck, sorry,” he says, leaning up on his elbows.
“Holy shit, you’re heavy,” I say, when I regain my breath.
“You wanna be on top?”
I grin and shake my head. “No, I don’t.”
He grins back and kisses a trail down my neck to my breasts. He takes my nipple between his teeth and gently bites down, forcing an arc of molten liquid to shoot from my tits to my pussy. I cry out, and Tank’s sapphire eyes pin me with promises. He trails his mouth lower and settles himself between my legs.
“No, Tank, please? I need you to fuck me,” I beg.
“And I need to feel these pretty thighs of yours squeezing the sides of my face.” He growls and I shut up, because there’s something beautiful in the way Tank eats pussy. He has this thing about looking into your eyes as he gets you off. It’s fucking phenomenal. With any other man it might make me feel awkward, or self-conscious. But not with him.