Seeing the confusion on my face, she went on to tell me "I need to give you a little background, so you can understand the problem I have, and why I've come to you with it."
I told her to go ahead, and she did:
"All three of us – Mother, me, and Carol – have always been close. When I was growing up, I was always able to go to Mother about anything: a question, a problem, just someone to talk to while I got something straight in my mind, or whatever; and I was always there for Carol the same way. After her father died, I think I was the only person she felt she could count on and we became even closer. That continued even after she hit puberty and started developing physically; when she started going out with boys, she wasn't afraid to come and talk to me about what happened on her dates. Whether it was to try and find out what he was thinking when some boy did something stupid, or how she felt about it when she started being intimate with them, I always knew what was going on with her. At least, I knew up until a couple of months ago, when she suddenly stopped coming to me. I wasn't foolish enough to think that nothing was going on with her; I just figured that she needed a little time to get used to whatever it was before she could talk to me about it. I let her know several times that I was there if she wanted to talk, but I was careful not to get even a little bit pushy or inquiring. It was nearly a month before she finally told me what was happening: some of the people she knew at school had found out that she was still a virgin, and started making a MAJOR deal out of it. Not just harassing Carol, but telling other people about it, too. I'm sure you remember how much pressure there was in middle and high school to 'fit in', and not stand out from the crowd too much. Well, let me tell you, it's apparently even worse now than it was then – and to be singled out for something like that, AND having everyone talking about her because of it, almost destroyed her. From what she told me, she even briefly considered running away as a way to get away from all of it before she settled on doing something else."
"What was that?" I asked.
"She told me that she'd decided to stop being a virgin. At first I couldn't imagine what she was talking about, and she finally told me what she'd settled on: simply figure out which of the boys at school she thought would be acceptable, and start letting him have sex with her – knowing that he'd tell his friends what was happening, and that all the ones that had been harassing her would hear about it. She thought that once they knew she'd lost her virginity, and to who, they wouldn't have any reason to bother her. Needless to say, I was considerably less than enthusiastic about the idea, and somehow managed to get her to put it off for a little while; I expected that the whole thing would simply blow over before much longer. That didn't prove to be the case, and it was just a couple of weeks ago when she told me that she figured she needed to do it anyway. I made up this trip with the three of us to use as a reason for her to wait again, and she eventually agreed to it. Then I had to talk to Mother and explain what all had been happening, and what I'd said and done. She wasn't real happy about the situation either, but agreed that I'd done the best I could and started trying to help get through to Carol that her idea of a cure was as bad, or worse, than the disease – which is another reason we've given her for not following through with her plan: she's had the health classes in school, and we've reminded her of just how bad some of the things she could end up catching could be. But the idea of maybe getting infected with an STD doesn't stand up very well against all the other nonsense she's already experienced. She hasn't argued with us about it, or acted up, or anything else; it's just that nothing we've said or done has changed her mind any."
"Until last night", I prompted.
"That's right. I was getting ready to go to bed last night when she came to me and said that she didn't think that she wanted to lose her virginity to one of the boys at school. When I asked her to tell me what she meant, she said that she'd been thinking everything over the last couple of days, and decided that some of what Mother and I have said to her was right. I was considerably relieved until she told me that she still wanted to lose her virginity, just not with one of the boys at school – that she wanted it to be with someone that really knew what they were doing. We started talking about it, and when Mother heard us, she joined in. All three of us were up past midnight, going back and forth and explaining and questioning and everything else until all of us knew where the others stood on all of it. After that, I was up until nearly four this morning, thinking about everything: what I wanted for her, what I wanted from her, what I was and wasn't willing to do, and all the rest."
"And you wanted to talk to me about this because…?" I asked, figuring she (or they) just wanted an outside opinion, or something.
Instead, the answer I got back left me stunned: "Because Carol has decided that she wants to give herself to you for her first time."
I took me a while to get my thoughts together enough to ask "Why me? And isn't there something else you can do, like send her to a different school or something?"
From the tone of voice I used, Ellen must have understood that I was hardly agreeable to the idea, and told me "You because of what you told us about yourself that first time you had lunch with us. Carol figures that somebody that had enough sense to figure out that what they were learning in college was gibberish and had the courage and integrity to drop out so they could try and use what they had learned was the kind of person that would treat her right. last night, when she explained it to me – saying a whole lot more than I just did – I understood what she was saying, and had to admit to myself that she had a point… at least, in the abstract. Sitting in front of you now, it's not so easy to deal with – but I still understand what she said. As for the other… we live in an area that isn't quite rural. There isn't another school for her to go to that isn't at least a two hour commute each way. And from what I've heard from some of my friends, some of the kids at even those schools have at least heard about what's happening, even if they don't actually know Carol's name yet. We've also considered home-schooling Carol, and a number of other things – including getting lawyers involved. But it seems that everything we've thought of has something about it that makes it unworkable. Believe me on this: I've looked into every idea I've had that has been good, bad, or indifferent to try and find a way out of this for the last two months. After last night, this is the only thing that I think even might work. Do you think I'd be sitting here telling you that my sixteen-year-old daughter – seventeen in a couple of months, if that helps you any – wants to go to bed with you if I had any kind of alternative?"
When she put it that way, I had to figure that if me boffing her daughter was the solution, then she had a real problem.
About that time, our food showed up. By unspoken agreement, we set that subject aside as we ate. It was after the table had been cleared that we picked up where we'd left off. Ellen got things going by telling me "As much of a shock as it was for you to hear what I said before, I've got to tell you the rest of it, too."
Seeing that she had my full attention again, Ellen went on to say "Carol understands that she literally doesn't know what she doesn't know – that is, despite the talks we've had, the things she's read and seen, and all the rest, she doesn't have any direct and personal knowledge of sex itself." Visibly embarrassed, Ellen continued "I even got a porno movie that one of my friends husbands had for her to watch, so she would have at least some idea of what was involved. It apparently also made her realize that she was going to have to be careful about who she was with so that she wasn't hurt; at least, no more than necessary. So after she said that she wanted to give herself to YOU, and I said that she wouldn't know any more about being with you than one of the boys from school, and that she'd likely be even more nervous and everything, she said that she'd thought of that – and wanted my help with it. Of course, I had to ask what she meant."