"You might as well stay till morning," Josh agreed grudgingly, surrendering to the inevitable.
"And Blanche, you'll stay, too, won't you?" Felicity added, noticing for the first time the odd look on her friend's face. Felicity suddenly realized that Blanche's disappointment went far deeper than having been duped by a clever detective. Blanche had seen all the same things in Asa Gordon that Felicity had, but Blanche had not seen him as an uncle. Blanche had seen him as a man. Instinctively, Felicity knew she had to keep the two of them together somehow. Blanche was angry now, but when she cooled off, she might forgive Asa Gordon. That, Felicity also knew, might be very good indeed.
Asa stayed for supper, and Felicity seated him at her right hand. The men of the Rocking L accepted him immediately, perhaps because they were all so glad to see Mrs. Logan cheerful once again. At any rate, by the time the meal was over, Felicity had managed to draw out at least a sketchy outline of Asa Gordon's very eventful life.
If Blanche was impressed, she gave no indication of it. Instead she sat in uncharacteristic silence throughout the meal and retired to her bedroom soon afterward. She took time only to apologize once more to Felicity and Josh for her part in bringing Asa Gordon into their lives.
Josh was equally as reticent, treating Gordon more like an intruder than a guest, but Felicity bade Gordon a sincerely kind "good night" when he left for the bunkhouse.
"I'll leave for town early, Mrs. Logan, so I'll have time to get a reply to my telegram before the day is over," he told her.
"Please tell my grandfather how happy I am to find out about him, and that I hope he's feeling well," she said. "And then come back here to stay the night. I'll want to know what he has to say."
"I'll bring back any message," he promised, not committing himself further than that. He didn't bother to look to Logan for a confirmation to her invitation, knowing the rancher would not give one.
Josh listened to the exchange with reluctant admiration. As much as he detested what Gordon had done to them, he had to respect the man. The detective had managed to maintain his dignity in a very difficult situation. Not many men could have so stoically endured a meal with people who so obviously disapproved of him, and fewer still could have stood up under Blanche Delano's contempt, especially not if they were as taken with her as Gordon so obviously was. Still Josh could not help but wish he would never have to see the detective again.
When the door closed behind Gordon, Felicity turned back to face Josh. "Isn't this wonderful?" she demanded, hugging herself for fear she might burst with happiness. "Just think! I have a family! A real family!"
"I thought I was your family," Josh remarked, the calmness of his voice giving no indication of the raw emotions churning inside him.
But Felicity sensed them, and when she focused on his face, she saw the anger and the hurt he was being so careful to hide. "Of course you're my family," she said, hurrying to him. "You're my husband, my very, very closest family." As if to prove that, she slipped her arms around him and held him close, but to her surprise, he did not return the embrace. Instead, he stood ramrod-stiff and unresponsive.
Josh stared down at the top of her golden head, gritting his teeth against the wave of desire that threatened to drown him. He had wanted her every minute of every day since the first time they had made love, but never more than at this moment. He needed to take her and love her as he had never loved her before, to bury himself in her velvet depths until the two of them became one being. He needed to confirm the newly spoken bond of love between them, but he knew he could not. To do so might put her life in danger, the life he now knew meant more to him than his own.
Added to the agonizing knowledge that he could not confirm their bond was the suspicion that that bond now lay in grave danger of being broken. Asa Gordon had brought with him a threat, the threat that Felicity might leave Josh the very same way his mother had left all those years ago. What would Felicity do when Maxwell demanded her presence, as Josh knew he would? Was her love for him strong enough to hold her here when he could offer her only half a life? Josh's mother had loved him, but she had left him anyway, unable to resist the temptations her family's money offered.
Felicity held Josh more tightly, unable to understand his resistance. Beneath her ear she could hear his heart hammering. Beneath her hands she could feel his muscles strain as he held himself in check. "Joshua, I love you," she whispered.
Her words snapped the slender thread of his control. His arms closed around her with bone-crushing force and his lips found hers in a devouring kiss. Felicity surrendered eagerly, clinging to him with every ounce of her strength. She offered herself to him with complete abandon as her blood turned to liquid fire and warmed places that had been cold for far too long.
"Love me, Joshua. Please, love me," she breathed against the heated skin of his face. "I'm not afraid."
But Josh was afraid, afraid of losing her. Which did he fear more, losing her to Maxwell or losing her to death? He could not have said, and in the next moment, it no longer mattered. He had made his choice.
She was feather-light in his arms. The bedroom was dark and cold, but neither of them felt the chill. Urgent hands stripped away constricting clothing until flesh touched naked flesh. Lips met and explored, teased and tormented, until all distinctions between male and female vanished, and only desire remained. They came together in a fiery burst of need so sudden and all-consuming that Josh thought his soul must have melted into hers. For long minutes after, he simply held her, inhaling the intoxicating fragrance of her body and luxuriating in the silky woman-softness of her skin.
"Did I hurt you?" he asked at last, his voice still ragged with passion.
"No," she lied as she lay quivering in the delicious aftermath of release. What did a few bruises matter when he had just shown her how much he loved her? "You could never hurt me," And that was true. Joshua would never knowingly hurt her. Gently, she stroked his love-dampened shoulders, savoring the possessive way he held her, the way his manhood rested inside her, as if he could not bear to be separated from her.
And then she felt him stirring to life again. "Yes," she whispered, seeking his mouth once more.
But this time Josh was sane. The raw edge of his desire now blunted, he could think rationally, and every rational cell in his brain was screaming in protest. "No," he said, tearing himself from her embrace. "No, this is crazy," he rasped, fighting the delicate hands that clutched at him. "Do you know how dangerous this is for you?"
"I told you, I don't care! I'm not afraid!"
"Well, I am!" he said, rolling to his feet beside the bed and searching frantically for his clothes in the dark. "I'm the one who'll hear your screams, and I'll know I did that to you. I'm the one who'll put your body in a box in the ground, and I'll live for the rest of my life knowing I killed you. I won't do that, damn it, I won't!" he vowed as he furiously jerked on his pants. His hands stilled on the buttons when he heard her crying.
"Don't! Oh, Lissy, don't cry," he begged.
But she couldn't seem to help it. Nothing made sense anymore. She had won Joshua's love, but in doing so, she had lost him, too. Death had stolen both her child and her husband from her. Why had she been spared to suffer such misery? Her body shook, but whether from emotion or from the cold she could not have said. Nothing could comfort her except Joshua's warmth, and when he took her in his arms again, she settled against him gratefully. "It just isn't fair!" she sobbed brokenly. "I love you so much."
"No, it isn't fair," he agreed, tenderly wrapping the bedclothes around her and cradling her against his heart. "But there's nothing we can do about it." After a long time, when she had quieted, he spoke again. His voice was soft but inexorable. "You know what this means, don't you? We can never make love again. You'll have to help me, Lissy. I can't fight you. You saw what happened tonight."