I look at him in surprise.
He shrugs, “I didn't want anyone to know because they'd all want to party in it, and it was just supposed to be, you know, for Carrie and me.”
“Well aren't you the sneaky little bad boy!”
I mean he didn't even tell me!
I feel bad for him.
He really did have big plans for tonight.
“I guess I'm just gonna have to be your date for the rest of the evening, Phillip, beings you are my, uh, close friend.” I smile at the sweetie, grab his hand, and we start walking back to his room.
Phillip and I sit in the hot tub and talk. It's wonderfully warm and relaxing in here. I lean back and put my head on his broad shoulder.
I must have gotten a little too relaxed because I think I may have dozed off.
Whoops.
“Hey Princess,” Phillip says, gently waking me, “lets get out of here and get some sleep.”
“Fine, but I'm sleeping in your room. Mine smells like puke.”
“All right, but it'll cost you.”
“How much?” I squint my eyes, ready to deal.
“Didn't I hear you telling Katie about some sexy lingerie?” He gives me a sexy grin.
“Phillip. I have so given up lingerie. It's like a bad boyfriend, all it ever does is let me down. You get me in sweats and one of your old T-shirts. You got a problem with that?” I point my finger into his chest.
“No ma'am,” he smiles and gives me a salute.
We lay in bed, and I put my head on Phillip's shoulder. What is it about Phillip's shoulder that makes me instantly relax and fall asleep?
I'm so lucky I have Phillip.
At about 4 am, Phillip and I are awakened by a KNOCK, KNOCK on our door.
It's Danny, looking for me.
Phillip points to me, as I sit up in bed. I smile and wave at Danny with sleepy eyes.
My sleepy eyes are awake enough to see Danny looks great. He's thrown on shorts over the boxers, but he still has no shirt on.
Damn.
Why, oh why, did he have to pass out?
“You know, Phillip,” Danny says, with a nasty grin, “a lot of girls say that it's their lifelong fantasy to be with two guys at the same time.”
He turns to me and winks. “What do you say, Jay? This could be your lucky night.”
I've known the boy long enough to know when he's messing with me.
“I'm game,” I say and quickly sit up in bed. “As a matter of fact, it sounds really hot. Why don't you two,” I wave my finger back and forth between them, “start by making out, while I watch.”
Danny and Phillip look at each other in disgust, and I smile to myself.
“Aw…never mind, Jay,” Danny says, stifling a yawn, “how 'bout we just crash? I'm sleeping here too. Um, our room kinda smells. Good thing you had big plans for tonight, Phillip,” Danny says, elbowing Phillip suggestively and eyeing the bed, “and got the king size bed. Where is your date any way?”
“Shut up, Danny,” Phillip replies, as he turns off the light.
After that, those boys will tell anyone who will listen about how I “slept” with both of them on prom night.
When I wake up the next morning, instead of being snuggled up to my date, I'm lying on Phillip's shoulder and wrapped up in his arms.
Really the same place I've slept for the last week.
I move over next to Danny before he wakes up.
Even he doesn't know about that.
I'm lying on the hammock in my back yard, drinking a diet Coke and flipping through a People magazine. I'm trying not to think about my parents. Trying to pretend it's just a lazy, spring day. Unfortunately, I keep expecting my Dad to come out on the patio, bottle of beer in hand, with Mom following him, wanting to hear all about Prom.
Life can really suck sometimes.
But I don't know what I can do about it.
I've been feeling really helpless. And a bit lost.
Like I was a little boat that was tied up on shore with all the other boats, but somehow my rope came undone and now I'm out in the middle of the ocean, no land in sight, just floating.
Completely untethered to the life I've always known.
I told Mr. Diamond that, and he pretty much called bullshit. Told me my parents did so many things for me, so that if, God forbid, something like this would happen, that I would be able to live in my house, in my neighborhood, keep the house, go to college, stay with my friends, my support system. He told me they were extremely well insured, and I would be okay financially. He told me that he was here for me, that all my friends are here for me, but that I have to officially grow up now. I have to handle things my parents did, like making sure the house gets cleaned, and the lawn gets mowed, and the bills get paid. He says as much as the Macs are trying to protect me, I'm 18, and I need to behave like it. He says my parents raised me to be strong, confident and independent, and I should do my best to make them proud of me.
And at the time, I was thinking, okay, maybe I'm not the little boat, maybe I am more like that game we used to play when we were little. Jenga, I think it was called. You stack up all these blocks, and you try to pull them out of the stack one by one. When the stack gets too weak, or you pull out the wrong one and it gets out of balance, the whole stack comes tumbling down, and you lose.
I sorta feel like that is what has been happening to me. Some cosmic force has been pulling out random blocks, trying to get me to cave, to fall down.
But here's the thing I have decided.
My parents wouldn't want me to fall down. So I'll be damned if I will.
But that doesn't mean I'm still not incredibly, earth shatteringly sad.
The gate rattles, as Danny walks in the backyard.
“Hey,” he says, his hair blowing back in the breeze. He naughtily dives on the hammock, nearly flipping me over, and making me scream in the process.
I lean over to kiss him, but he backs off.
What the hell?
“Jay, we need to talk.”
Great. One date and he's breaking up with me. Not that we were going out, but you know what I mean. Someone, somewhere, is laughing hilariously, shoving around the blocks of my life.
“Look, I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have drank so much. I really wanted you to enjoy prom, and I hope you still had fun.”
“I did have fun, and I really appreciate your begging me to take you.” I joke, but then say seriously, “I don't think I would have gone otherwise, and I'm glad I didn't miss it. I have been sitting here thinking a lot about my parents, and I think you were right. They would have wanted me to go.” Then I laugh, “Although Dad always said you were trouble. I wonder what he thinks about me going with you.”
“Your dad loved me.”
“Yeah, I know.” I want to say, I love you too, but I'm afraid he'll take it wrong and think I'm like IN love with him. And yes, he is super hot and sweet, and I wished for a long time that I could be with him, but I'm not sure if I have much to give right now. And if I'm going to have a relationship with Danny, trust me, giving is what I want to be doing.
I can tell by the look on his face that there's still something wrong.
What now?
“Something else is bothering you,” I say. “Spill.”
“Jeez, Jay. You just have me so, uh, overwhelmed,” he says, as he runs his hand through that gorgeous hair.
“What do you mean?”
“I just didn't expect to feel this way about you.”
I'm trying not to ask too many questions. I mean something is clearly bothering the boy, but I'm sorry, I've got to ask this one.
“What way is that?”
“Too much. Way too much. And way too fast. Which brings me to my problem.”
Uh, scratch that. I have plenty to give. I don't see a problem with this.
No problem at all!
But I think I know what the problem is. He feels bad because he passed out last night. I still haven't decided which one of us should be more embarrassed about that. Him for passing out, or me for getting passed out on. But I'll tell him that we can soon. Hell, we could go in my house right now and do it if we wanted to.