"What do you mean?"
"In Vegas, they were talking about you and Danny making out. It sounded like it was often. Was it? I always thought prom night was the last time you kissed."
"No, we kissed in college some. It wasn't a big deal."
"You never told me that."
"Because it didn't matter. Danny and I were friends. Sometimes we'd get drunk together and kiss. Usually after a loss. I think it was like comforting to him or something."
"So was it just kissing?"
"Pretty much."
"Just tell me, please."
"Why? It doesn't matter anymore. If I wanted Danny for myself, I would've never set the two of you up. When we kissed, he had yet to find love, and I'd found it but didn't know what to do with it. It didn't mean anything. It was just for fun. Like most things were with me and Danny. We just always had fun together."
"Danny says you always got into trouble together. I think you did more than kiss."
"Fine. We did more than kiss. There was even a time when he attacked me on the couch. It was like spur of the moment. I thought we were finally going to."
"What stopped you?"
"Phillip came home. It was pretty funny. Danny and I looked at each other, jumped up, and ran into our rooms. We never kissed after that."
"When was that?"
"Fall of my junior year. And I'm glad we didn't. Danny means a lot to me. I think sleeping with him would've been like crossing Sleep with Danny Diamond off my bucket list. Like every girl I knew wanted to sleep with him. My competitiveness sort of made me want to too."
"I didn't want to sleep with him."
"You were lying to yourself."
She giggles.
"Speaking of that," I say. "I think I might be lying to myself about Phillip."
She looks concerned. "Why would you say that?"
"I told you, we're failing couple's counseling."
"I thought you didn't care about couple's counseling."
"On the surface, I'm not taking it seriously, but I'm there. I'm listening, and I'm trying hard not to because I'm hearing stuff I don't wanna hear. What I'm hearing is that our marriage is going to be a failure."
"Oh, Jade, don't be silly."
I was gonna argue with her, but I remember something else I've been wanting to tell her. "Oh, I have something else to tell you! I almost forgot! I had another weird dream the other night."
"Tell me about it." Her face brightens. She loves reveling in my misery, I think.
"I'm still worried that with all these dreams that someone is trying to tell me something, or maybe I'm trying to tell myself, I'm not sure."
"Stop being so dramatic, Jade, and tell me about it."
"I'm not dramatic! That's like twice in the last few days someone has accused me of it. And I don't like it!!!"
"Fine. You're not being dramatic. Tell me!!!"
"Okay, so it's my wedding ceremony. It's gorgeous. There are candles lit on top of every pew, on every surface. I walk down the aisle in a beautiful Balenciaga gown. I have a gorgeous long flowing veil."
Lori interrupts me. "How do you know who Balenciaga is? Do they make wedding dresses?"
"I'm not sure, Sex in the City, maybe?"
"I know, I was telling you about that Balenciaga motorcycle bag that Mark Conway's wife got like the only one in Kansas City and how it cost like two thousand dollars."
She likes to think our conversations are so poignant that they're affecting my dreams.
"What's that got to do with the dress?"
"Nothing really, go on."
"So I go up to the altar. Phillip and I say our vows, and when the minister says, You may kiss the bride, Phillip pulls the veil over my head. That's when I FREAK! I can't do it! I can't go through with it! So I run down the aisle with my veil flying behind me. Of course, with all the candles, it catches fire, but I don't know that it's blazing behind me until people start screaming in horror."
"Oh, how awful," she says, but then she laughs.
"You're laughing at my dream?"
"Just a little, go on. You are entertaining, I will admit."
"So it's awful. I'm on fire, well, my veil is anyway. But luckily, when I get toward the back of the church, I see the back rows are filled with firemen."
"Firemen? What are firemen doing at your wedding?"
"I'm not sure. Did I tell you about Mrs. Mac's facebook status about the hot fireman working on the fire hydrant on their street? And how her, Mrs. D, and two other neighbors were pretending to sit outside and talk, just so they could drool over him?"
"No, you didn't! They both friend requested me, but I ignored them."
"You did?! Ohmigawd, you should totally add them. They're hilarious and sharing wayyy too much information. I laugh every day. It's cheap entertainment. So anyway, I left work, went out to join them, and it turns out the hot fireman was Ryan, this guy I dated freshman year. He was a senior, and the first boy I ever French kissed. Well, technically, I guess that was Danny, but that was more of a tutorial thing."
"Danny taught you how to French kiss?! Why have I never heard about this before?"
"It was dumb. I was super nervous about kissing Ryan because this other guy like shoved his tongue down my throat once, and it was awful. I didn't wanna be awful, so I begged Danny to tell me how to do it right. It's just one of those things you kinda have to do, so he took pity on me and showed me. Anyway, so I go over there, get out of my car, and he calls out my name. I told him about the ladies watching and asked him to pretend to get hot and take off his shirt. So he did, even though it was like fifty degrees out."
"Oh, that's hilarious."
"What's even better is when he was shirtless, they took pictures with him. They posted the pics on their facebook!"
"No way! Show me your phone."
I pull up the photos and show her. She laughs a full belly hard laugh. It's good to see her happy. I was so worried earlier.
"So, I either invited the firemen to the wedding, or I had to invite them because of all the candles. Like maybe some fire code. Kinda like when they supervise fireworks shows."
"Oh, that sounds reasonable. Okay, so then what?"
"This totally hot, buff fireman runs up to me."
"Is he in his fireman's outfit?"
"They all are, but they aren't wearing shirts. Just like their jackets, pants, and those hard red hats with the yellow tape on them. And their jackets are open, so you can see their sexy abs."
"Nice. So was it that Ryan guy?"
"Let me finish. So this sexy ass fireman runs up to me, tackles me, and rolls me."
"Rolls you? Why doesn't he just take the veil off?"
"Stop, drop, and roll? Don't you know anything? And stop interrupting. This is serious."
"Okay, sorry."
"So he puts out my veil fire. And after rolling me, he ends up laying on top of me. He grins this gorgeous smile at me and starts kissing me. At my wedding!! And this fireman is so freaking hot! I want him, like right there. And for a minute, I think we're gonna have sex right there in the aisle at my wedding, with everyone watching! But all of a sudden, he pulls me up off the ground, and we run, hand in hand together, outside the church. We grab the bars on the back of the fire truck as it pulls away."
"So you left your wedding with a fireman? I see two problems with this. One, you'd already said your vows, so you were legally married to Phillip, and –"
"Let me finish."
"Okay, but...."
"The fireman was Phillip."
"What? So you left Phillip-the-groom at the altar to run away with Phillip-the-fireman?"