"Jay, I swear, I don't know how Phillip puts up with you."
"I didn't do anything, Danny. I really didn't."
"Oh, really? Let's bring out the highlight film. You said here, here to hookups. You flirted with Bradley. You stopped texting Phillip after he asked if you wanted to sleep with the bartender. You drank way too many shots. You were grinding on Nick. You dressed up as a waitress...."
I interrupt him. "I was working. A girl called in sick, I was helping out."
Danny ignores me. "You were flirting with the customers. You let some guy put a tip down your shirt. You went in the back room with Bradley for over four minutes. You let Phillip drink a Sex on the Stairs shot. You were feeding Bradley pizza. Am I forgetting anything?"
"Well, jeeze, when you say it like that, it sounds bad."
"It is bad, Jay."
"I didn't do anything wrong, Danny."
Danny gives me a huffy sigh.
"Okay, fine. Maybe I drank too much, but I wasn't that drunk. Like I didn't get sick or anything."
"Oh yeah, I heard about the special vodka too."
"Bradley's a good guy."
"Jay, you just got with Phillip. Don't screw it up already. If Lori did something like that, I would've dragged her ass out of the bar."
"You wouldn't have dragged her ass anywhere. She would've stomped her little foot down, put her hand on her hip, and told you to chill the fuck out or go home by yourself. She did that once, remember?"
"Shut up. Yes, I remember, but it was a completely different situation."
"Do you remember when you were in a similar situation? That night after you scored four touchdowns? When she got to the bar, and you were surrounded by girls? You were dancing and doing shots. She whispered in your ear that if you ever wanted to see her again, you'd leave now. You ran out of the bar with your tail between your legs. You were whipped."
"No, I was in love."
"What would I have done if Phillip told me to leave?"
"Jay, you're supposed to be whipped. That's my point. Why do you seem so hell bent on screwing it up?"
"You didn't have to plan a wedding, Danny. You just showed up. You dated her for over a year. I'm just a little stressed. I just needed to have a little fun. Phillip's not mad at me, so stop worrying about it. It's none of your business. And here I was just thinking how nice it's been lately. Since we aren't living together anymore, we hardly ever fight. Just stop trying to tell me what to do. I hate it!"
"All I'm saying is you keep doing shit like that, you're not gonna have to wait for the boom. You're gonna trigger it yourself."
He hangs up on me.
I hate Danny sometimes, and I especially hate him when I know he's right.
We had our typical Sunday night dinner at the Mac's. Phillip's parents talked excitedly about the wedding. Mrs. Mac kept saying, Only SIX more days!
When she said it, I kept picturing myself walking the plank instead of down the aisle.
It's all fine though. It's normal. I just have a little case of cold feet.
I look at Phillip sleeping.
And I know for sure. He's the one I want forever.
I put my head on his shoulder and fall asleep.
I'm in my wedding dress standing outside the ceremony waiting to walk down the aisle. My dad walks up to me. He's wearing a black tuxedo. He looks so handsome, and I'm so happy he's here. He tells me I look beautiful, that I'll always be his Angel, and then he holds his elbow out.
I hear the wedding march start to play. My mom is standing by the door.
She nods at us. It's time.
My dad turns and looks at me. His eyes are suddenly panicked. He pulls me off to the side, through a small door. When the door shuts, the room disappears, and we're in the clouds.
"Are we in heaven?" I ask.
He doesn't answer me, but I know it's heaven because dad looks younger than the last time I saw him.
"Angel," he says, "are you sure you want to do this? You know, you don't have to go through with it."
"Are you saying I shouldn't go through with it?"
"I think you're rushing things. You're going way too fast."
Next thing I know, I'm in the tree in our backyard. Phillip is in the tree with me. We're hiding from my dad because he's really mad at me. He just found out that I lied when I told him I didn't break the neighbor's window with a baseball. I'm still wearing my wedding dress, but I'm only eight years old. I know I'm in big trouble for lying, and I'm scared he's going to spank me. Phillip is sitting on the same limb with me. He's holding my hand and telling me it will be okay. That we can stay out here all night, that he's not scared of the dark even though he knows I am.
Dad comes marching over to the tree. There's nowhere for us to hide, so I try not to move a muscle. Dad pulls me out of the tree, and I'm forced to let go of Phillip's hand. Dad says madly, "If you can't make good decisions, then you're not playing with Phillip anymore."
I start bawling.
Phillip wakes me up. "Are you okay? It sounded like you were crying."
"I was. Do you remember when we were little, and I lied to my dad about us breaking the neighbor's window? Remember hiding in the tree?"
"I do remember. He was pissed."
"He told me I couldn't play with you anymore."
"We never listened, did we?"
"No, we didn't."
Phillip falls back to sleep.
I lay here thinking. Did my dad just try and tell me not to marry Phillip?
First, God, now my dad?
I'm seriously ready to walk the plank, just to make these horrible dreams stop.
Phillip's already gone to work. I'm being snoopy and trying to find any clue I can as to where we're going on our honeymoon. He won't tell me anything, other than to bring bikinis. He's been teasing me, telling me that we're going to the North Pole. That it's a new honeymoon hot spot. I search through his underwear drawer. That's where he used to hide stuff when he was little. I find a folded up piece of paper and think, ohhh, maybe this is something!
I unfold it and find Phillip's counseling questionnaire. His neat handwriting is under each typed out question.
I go grab my questionnaire to compare our answers. I'm pretty sure this is like our final exam.
The final exam that we have to pass.
I set his paper next to mine and read his answers. Please let them be exactly like mine.
What do you want out of your married life?
Me: To live happily ever after.
Phillip: A great long relationship with the love of my life. To be happy and healthy, have a family.
Aww. Isn't that cute? We're perfectly adorable and well matched. I'm so glad I decided to peek. What's next?
How are you different?