"Well, it kinda is," Lori says.
"That's true, but when he has to pee, it doesn't require a small army of groomsmen to unzip his fly."
And just when everyone is in place, my dress is held up, and I'm in position to pee, Lisa says, "Uh, hang on a sec." Then she drops her corner of the dress and runs into the neighboring stall.
Katie says to me, "You need to pick your dwarfs a little more carefully."
We all laugh and try not to get grossed out by the sound of her puking.
I find myself mentally calculating the cost of it. Appetizers, three princess martinis, a couple shots, filet dinner. Damn, that's about a three hundred dollar puke there. It is at that point, I decide to say screw the water and start hitting the alcohol a little harder.
Had Phillip been in charge of holding up my dress while I peed, he probably would've rigged up a way to hold the dress above my head with his belt, some duct tape, and a bungie cord.
After dinner, it's time for the toasts, cutting the cake, and the first dance. I can't remember exactly what all Danny and Lori said.
Lori said something like, We all know weddings are about those three little words. I. Love. You. But in the case of these two, it's more like, It's. About. Time.
Danny said some sweet stuff that made me cry, some funny stuff that made me laugh, and then he ended the toast with, To the nights you'll never remember with the people you'll never forget.
The curtains on one side of the dining area are opened up to reveal the swanky night club portion of the reception. It has a huge monogrammed dance floor, deep purple lighting, white leather furniture with purple furry pillows, and lots of candlelight. Beyond the dance floor is an outdoor terrace covered in white lights and snow.
Phillip and I cut the cake. Of course, I had to smoosh it in his face a bit. He was smart though and didn't try and get me back. He's already proving to be a good husband.
Then we dance our first dance as husband and wife.
I love dancing with Phillip. I know there are lots of guests watching us, but with the lights low, it almost felt like we were alone.
Just like the night we danced at the swings.
After our sorority and fraternity serenades, I sit on a chair in the middle of the dance floor while Phillip finds his way through the layers of my dress. He's making a big scene of taking my garter off. He runs his hand up the wrong leg and pretends he can't find it. Then he runs his hand slowly up my other leg, finds the Nebraska garter, and pulls it off with his teeth. The DJ starts playing stripper music.
Guess I'm getting a taste of that Vegas wedding after all!
Just about the time Phillip almost has the garter off my leg, the music scratches, and the DJ yells, "Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it."
Then the song Fergalicious starts playing, only somehow they've changed the words to Jadalicious. Danny and all the groomsmen run onto the dance floor, toss off their jackets, and do a wild choreographed dance. It's hilarious watching a bunch of white boys dance. They do the stanky leg, the dougie, some random breakdancing, and the moonwalk. You name it, they included it.
I scream, clap, and laugh my ass off. It's classic Danny.
We're done with all the official stuff. Now it's time to party!
"Phillip, I wanna give you your wedding present now!" I drag him to a covered area by the doors that go out onto the rooftop deck. Right now, this area is hidden by curtains.
"So, unwrap your wedding present," I tell him.
He pulls me toward him."I thought you were my wedding present. How bout I unwrap you instead?"
"Phillip, be good, and open it!! I'm so excited!"
He kisses me then slides the curtains open. Sitting on a table are five crystal decanters of varying shapes and sizes filled with what is supposed to be the best kinds of scotch. I had to conspire with Mr. D on this surprise. Mr. D tells me I need to acquire a taste for scotch.
I don't know about you, but I have no desire to acquire a taste for something that smells like gasoline.
Next to the decanters is a tray full of cigars, and behind them, there's a gorgeous cigar humidor made of shiny burled wood.
"Scotch and cigars, I think I might keep you."
"The decanters and the humidor are my present to you. Won't they look cool on the bar in our new house?"
"Very cool. I love them." He kisses the side of my face. "I love you."
"I love you too. Open the humidor."
He opens it and reads the engraving on the gold plaque inside. "Phillip and Jadyn. Our love is worth celebrating. January the thirteenth."
"Your dad always said he was celebrating when he'd smoke a cigar."
"I know. Now when you smoke a cigar, you'll be celebrating our love. You won't even have to come up with a lame excuse like my dad always did, and with the date on there, you'll never be able to forget our anniversary."
"No way, I'll ever forget this day. I've never been happier. My face hurts from smiling so much." He pulls me in for another kiss. "Thank you, I love it."
"Okay, so now you can have some scotch and smoke a cigar with the guys while I run upstairs and change into my reception dress."
"Change? What!! Why??"
"Well I love this dress, but it's full, and I wanna dance. I was afraid people would step on it, so kinda last minute, I bought a dress for the reception. It's sparkly and sexy. You'll like it. I'm gonna change really quick. No one will even know I was gone."
I kiss him and start to walk away.
He grabs my waist with one long arm, like he just caught a fish and is reeling it in. "Uh, not so fast there, missy."
"What?"
"I'm coming with you."
"But, I was gonna let you smoke a cigar."
"I can smoke a cigar later."
"But, I planned it all out."
"Well, you're married now, so you have to think about what your husband wants."
My husband!
"Okay, what does my husband want? That sounds so weird. My husband."
"Your husband loves this dress. He thinks you look beautiful in it, but I'll tell you a dirty little secret. All he's been thinking about is how he can't wait to take it off you."
His eyes are dark and smoldering. I know what that means.
"No, Phillip. I seriously need to take this dress off, put the other one on quick, and then get back down here. I'm talking a max of like five minutes."
He grins at me and lowers his voice to that sexy volume. "Fine, but I'm gonna help you."
He has a stubborn look on his face. "You're not going to give in on this, are you?"
"Nope." He grins sexily at me.
"Fine. Come on." I grab his hand and rush him out the side door.
We get to the Honeymoon Suite, and Phillip says, "Do you have a key?"
Crap. The key.
"Well, yeah, I have a key, but um..."
"What?"
"Uh, well, it's not like I have a purse or pockets in this dress."
He pulls the top of my dress outward, stares down my cleavage, and looks for the key. "I don't see it."
The grin on his face makes me laugh. Seriously, it's like he just saw boobs for the first time.
"Just turn around."
"Just where exactly is this key?" he asks with a raspy, breathless voice.
"Remember the day I took your car keys when you got mad at me for the shoes?"