‘Perhaps I didn’t realise it would have such an impact on them,’ he admitted solemnly. ‘They never seemed to want my company when I lived with you, I didn’t think it would make such a difference — not being around I mean.’
‘They don’t take much notice of the furniture in the lounge but they’d certainly miss it if it suddenly disappeared,’ Hannah replied without thinking.
‘Oh, thanks, so I mean about as much to them as the bloody sofas, do I?’ Mike took it completely the wrong way.
‘No, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, it was a stupid analogy. It’s just that it’s a teenage thing, Mike — they take everything and everyone for granted at this age, it’s not personal.’
‘Well, it feels like it to me! My own kids don’t want to see me — how do you think I feel?’
Hannah was suddenly angry. ‘I hope you’re not expecting me to feel sorry for you?’ she retorted. ‘You’ve made your choices, Mike; perhaps you should have thought them through more thoroughly before you left us!’ Her anger dissipated almost as quickly as it had risen and she continued in a softer manner. ‘Look, you need to give them time to get over the shock. No child thinks their parents will divorce, and for you to have been seeing someone else all this time, and now a new baby on the way, it’s quite a lot for them to process. I’ll do what I can to help but there are limits, Mike, surely you can see that?’
‘Yes, I know and I’m sorry, Hannah. I know I’ve hurt you and I regret that, honestly I do, but any help you can give with the kids will be really appreciated. They listen to you.’
‘Oh, I’m not so sure about that, but they’re good kids. I’ll talk to them, see what I can do.’
Hannah did try, more than once, but it was too soon for Mel and Sam, and such a busy time for them both too. After their exams were over they began looking for temporary jobs to earn some money for university, both wanting to keep any student loans they would take out to a minimum — a responsible attitude of which Hannah was so proud.
Mel easily got a job in one of the large hotels, as a chambermaid. It was minimum wage but the tips were good and she regularly picked up extra hours covering for staff absences. She seemed to enjoy the work too and typically made a whole new set of friends to socialise with. Sam also managed to secure a job in the local leisure centre, responsible for a variety of activities including lifeguard duties. The biggest bonus for him was the free access to all the sporting facilities, a dream come true for someone so sport obsessed. The downside for Hannah was that she saw less of her children than before, especially at weekends. She could certainly have done with their presence when two letters arrived one Saturday morning in the middle of June.
Hannah often removed her prosthesis when she was alone in the house, occasionally using crutches, on which she was so much more proficient than in the early days. She loved the new independence her prosthetic leg brought her, but it still irritated her at times and it was such a relief to sit down and take it off.
After picking up the letters from the doormat, she did just that. With a cup of tea on the table at the side of the sofa and the new Jodi Picoult novel she’d begun the night before, Hannah eased open the first letter. As soon as she saw the letterhead, a local firm of solicitors, she knew what it must be; Mike had started divorce proceedings. Why it should be such a shock she didn’t understand, she knew her husband wanted a divorce as soon as possible in order to marry Sarah, but it hit her hard, momentarily taking her breath away.
As she stared at the wording blurring before her, it suddenly became so very real. Mike was going through with it, no matter how bad he felt about leaving the children.
Hannah swallowed hard as the thought that he must love Sarah so very much flashed through her mind. I wonder if he loves her more than he ever loved me? she thought, and then shook her head to rid her overactive mind of such immature thoughts. But the tears that trickled down her face betrayed her feelings. Unsure of whether she still loved Mike, her reaction told her that perhaps she did, a little bit at least. How do you fall out of love with the person you’ve shared most of your adult life with?
Reaching for her cup, she drank a mouthful of tea, deciding that chocolate was in order. She stood up to fetch the bar of Toblerone from the fridge. The next thing she knew she was on the floor.
‘How bloody stupid!’ she shouted out loud. How can you forget you only have one leg? With only her pride hurt, Hannah rolled onto her side and reached for her prosthetic leg from the side of the sofa. Pulling it onto her stump, she rolled onto her knees and managed to raise herself up to standing before flopping back down on the sofa. Forget the chocolate, she thought, where’s the wine?
The second letter she opened was much better news. Hannah had assumed when she had the prosthesis fitted that she would be able to drive an automatic car, but had been disappointed when her physio told her that wasn’t possible. No matter how well the leg fitted, it was not considered safe to use a prosthetic leg to drive.
The good news, however, was that Hannah would qualify for an adapted mobility car and the letter in her hand was to tell her that it was now ready for her and would be arriving at the garage later that week. It was just the news she needed to offset the shock of Mike’s solicitor’s letter.
Since going back to work, Hannah had been relying on the generosity of Rosie and a colleague from her office to give her lifts, but this would mean she would regain her independence, she’d be mobile again.
Almost as soon as the smile spread across her face, another thought raced in behind it. Would she have the confidence to drive again? Of course it had been impossible to try since the accident and now she wondered if her nerve would fail her. Part of the problem, she acknowledged, was that she still couldn’t remember the accident. Not a single detail of the day’s events had returned to her and there was still that nagging doubt in the back of her mind as to whether she was somehow responsible for what happened.
Did she do something wrong which made her, to some degree, culpable for the awful events of that day? Could she trust herself to drive safely again?
CHAPTER 20
Seeing his own brother deliberately trying to run him down had, without doubt, been the most distressing event in Joe’s life after losing Alison. David’s face, clearly visible, had been bright red, as if he was going to have a heart attack. There had been no time for Joe to register anything else before he was struck by the speeding car.
His memory of events was a little hazy after that but he clearly remembered seeing David, then bouncing on the bonnet before rolling into the hedgerow at the side of the road and losing consciousness. When he did come round his first thought was for Liffey; had she been struck too? But then he realised his dog was licking his face, she was unhurt.
It was only then that the pain registered. It seared through his hip and shoulder when he tried to move and his head felt as if the percussion section of the Halle Orchestra were rehearsing inside his skull. Helpless, Joe stayed still, not wishing to exacerbate any injuries he may have sustained, but far greater than the physical pain was the incredible realisation that his brother had deliberately tried to kill him. He wondered what on earth he had done for his last remaining family member to hate him so much. Trying to think through the fog in his brain, Joe turned to Liffey for help.
‘Liffey, fetch Phil, fetch Helen,’ he tried.