The Accidental sorcerer

He managed a weak smile. 'That would depend on your definition of awful.' 'Tentacles and exploding boils leap to mind.'

'Nothing of the kind!' he said, offended. 'What kind of a wizard do you think I am? I just made him think he needed to answer a call of nature.'

As Reg cackled her amusement, Melissande snorted.'Very creative of you. Juvenile, but creative. The nearest loo is two floors away. What do you want?'

'Your crystal ball,' said Reg. 'Ours is on the blink and we need to reach Markham.'

'Who?' said Melissande, then held up a hand.'No. I remember.' She shuddered. 'Unfortunately. All right. It's in the study. Just because I'm locked up doesn't mean I don't have work to do.' She stepped aside and with a sweep of her arm indicated the doorway she'd just walked through.'After you.'

Damn. So much for surreptitiously ditching the textbook. He waited for Reg to fly through the open doorway then finagled his way past the princess, who followed him in and headed straight for a paperwork-cluttered table in the middle of the study. This room, like the foyer, was stuffed to the gills with books.

'Nice to see you've kept the motif going,' observed Reg as she landed on the back of a ratty old armchair piled high with leather-bound tomes. 'Very thematic'

Melissande looked up from tidying the mess, frowning. 'Are you here to use my crystal ball or give me interior decorating advice?'

'I can do both,' said Reg, scratching her head. 'It's no skin off my beak, ducky' She peered around the room suspiciously.'Where's that Boris?'

'Out. Just because I'm a prisoner there's no need for him to be one as well.'

Reg sniffed.'Typical. Bloody cats. Wouldn't know the meaning of loyalty if it bit them on the bum.'

'So. Gerald,' said Melissande, pointedly ignoring Reg as she sorted through the clutter. 'Why do you want to get hold of Markham so urgently?'

Taking advantage of her distraction he shoved the textbook into the general disorder and took a step back. 'Oh. Ah. I need a second opinion.'

'If it's to do with your bird I'll give you — ha!' With a pleased smile Melissande unearthed the crystal ball from beneath a tumbled pile of ledgers. 'No. It's nothing to do with Reg.'

'What, then?' she said, polishing the crystal ball with her sleeve. 'Has something else happened I should know about?' What she doesn't know can't hurt her. 'Ah — no.'

She looked at him, eyes narrowing behind those unflattering glasses.'Gerald?'

'Why don't you ask him how he's feeling?' said Reg, all spurious sweetness. 'Mere hours ago he was writhing on a bed of pain… or had you forgotten?'

Melissandes cheeks coloured. 'Sorry. Of course. How are you feeling, Gerald?' 'I'm fine. Starving to death, but fine.'

'Now ask him what really happened yesterday' Reg added.

Exasperated, Melissande planted her hands on her hips.'What are you talking about?' 'In a nutshell? Your pretty brother lied, ducky'

Melissande laughed, and started to make more space for the crystal ball. 'Don't be ridiculous! Lional's the king. He doesn't need to lie. If you don't mind I've got a lot of work to do, so call Markham and — ' 'Oh,' said Gerald.'Ah — I can explain that.'

She'd noticed the pilfered textbook. 'I left this in my office,' she said, picking it up. 'At the bottom of a locked drawer.' Damn, damn, damn. 'Your Highness — '

'Have you been spying on me, Professor?' she demanded, her fingers bloodless as they gripped the book. 'Did Lional put you up to this?'

He turned on Reg before she could speak. 'Don't. All right? Just don't. Let me handle this, all right?'

Reg closed her beak, fluffed up all her feathers, and retreated into sulky silence.

Hesitantly he took a step closer to the furious princess. 'Melissande, listen. Please. It's not what you think.'

Her chin came up. 'It isn't? So you didn't break into my office and go through my desk? My book just magically appeared out of thin air and dropped into your lap?'

'No, of course it didn't,' he said. 'You're right. I broke into your office and I went through your desk. But trust me, not for Lional!'

' Trust you?' She tossed the book back onto the table then wrestled her temper under control. 'AH right. Why, then? And I give you fair warning, if I don't like the answer you will be sorry'

I'm already sorry. 'It's like Reg said,' he told her, carefully. 'I need to get through to Monk and my crystal ball's not working.' 'So you thought you'd steal mine?' 'Borrow' 'It's only borrowing when you ask first!'

He risked a smile. 'Believe me, I wish I had. I didn't want to disturb you. Sorry'

She just looked at him, stony-faced. Clearly the smile wasn't working. 'Well, there's the ball. Use it and go.'

He nodded at the discarded textbook. 'I didn't realise there was a Witches' Academy here in New Ottosland.'

'There's not,' she said stiffly, arms folded. 'If you must know I'm doing a correspondence course with Madam Ravatinka's Exclusive School of Witchery. It was advertised in a back-issue of The Ottosland Express. And don't you dare sneer. You're a correspondence-course graduate yourself!' i wasn't going to sneer,' he protested. 'Are you any good?'

She unfolded her arms. 'I'm not bad. I've passed all my First Year tests. But so far it's just been theory. We don't start the practical stuff till next year.' Calmer now, she flicked him a sharp look. 'Gerald, did Lional really lie about your accident?'

The nearest chair was piled high with books. He shifted them to the floor, buying some time, and sat down. 'Go on,' said Reg. 'Tell her.' He sighed. 'Well…'

'For the love of Saint Snodgrass stop trying to protect me!' cried Melissande. 'I'm not a little girl, I'm — '

'A princess and a prime minister. I know,' he said. 'Melissande, I'm not trying to protect you.' Her eyes were scornful.'No?'

'All right. Perhaps I am. A bit. But I'm protecting me, too.' 'From what?'

'The consequences of unfounded accusations. Reg has a bee in her bonnet but I don't hear it buzzing. At least not very loudly. There's suspicion but no proof to back it up and until there is proof…' Troubled, he considered her. 'But leaving yesterday aside, it's likely things are going to heat up around here anyway. With the Kallarapi. 1 don't suppose you'd consider leaving? I could get you to the portal undetected. You could go and stay with Monk till the dust settles.' Melissande stared.'Leave? Run away, you mean.'

Reg clattered her beak. 'Run away, make a strategic withdrawal, charge in a backwards direction, make tracks, bugger off — does it matter what you call it? Just answer the question, ducky. If he gave you the chance would you scarper?'

'And if I did?' said Melissande, still staring. 'Who'd take over as prime minister? Rupert? He wouldn't last five seconds against Lional.'

True, true, lamentably true. 'You could take him with you.'

'Well that'd be nice and inconspicuous, wouldn't it?' said Melissande, rolling her eyes. 'Me, Rupert and five thousand butterflies all sneaking out of the country together. Because you'd never get him to leave them behind, you know. And I wouldn't leave him. If I was going. Which I'm not. Shocking as this may sound, Gerald, you aren't the only one around here who's sworn an oath and takes it seriously. Or do you think only wizards have a sense of honour?' Stung, he stood up.'Of course not.' 'So I guess that answers your question, doesn't it?' 'Yes. I guess it does.'

Reg cackled.'I'll give you this, ducky. You may have the deportment of a demented mongoose but you've got guts to go with it.' Melissande looked at her.'Thank you. I think.'

'More guts than sense is what you've got,' Gerald retorted.'If you'd give me some privacy I'll rustle up Monk, then Reg and I'll be on our way'

She shook her head. 'Whatever you have to say you can say in front of me. Unless it has nothing to do with New Ottosland.' Her eyebrows lifted; for a moment she looked like just Lional.'Has it?'