I suppose I have learned that these are lies, because even as I watched Ella strip before me and beg me to touch her, I knew that I could not. I knew my own mind even through the instinct, even though every part of me wanted to drag my tongue all over her body and then claim her hard.
I might not call it a sound mind, but at the very least it is my own. A disturbed, hormone-addled, selfish mind… but it is my own.
Determined not to wake her, I slide out of bed silently, heading into her living area to find my tap-pad. I have several messages from Pakka to read— briefs from their comm link attempts. I pour a glass of water and sit down to read them. By the time I am done and on to the multi-galaxy news streams, I hear stirring from the bedroom.
Ella emerges wearing a fuzzy pink robe. Her cheeks flame at the sight of me. “Good morning,” she mumbles in a groggy voice.
“Are you well?” I ask.
“Actually, I feel great,” she says, biting her lip and flushing ever darker. “I think that drug has a… lingering quality. You should bottle it up and sell it. You’d be a billionaire.”
My stomach drops. “I am so sorry,” I say. “I swear I did not realize that when we kissed… I—I don’t know what I thought.”
“Oh, it’s fine,” she sighs, moving over to the counter across from where I am seated. “I know you didn’t mean it.”
She takes out an odd silver pot and opens it up. It is a contraption with separate compartments, which she proceeds to pack with a fine brown powder. Her fingers move expertly. She fills another part with water from the sink, screws all the pieces back together, and then sets it on her heat-top cooking appliance. Everything humans do is overly complex.
“Besides, you were a perfect gentleman.”
I am surprised by that statement. “Am I a gentle man? Is that how you perceive me?”
Her face twists up into amusement. “It’s a phrase we have that can mean a lot of things. But in this case it just means you were respectful and didn’t take advantage of me.”
“I see…”
We are silent for a moment, and Ella stares at her silver contraption with her reddened cheeks.
“Would it be best if I left—”
“What does viki mean?”
We spoke at the same time, and Ella whips around to look at me with wide eyes. “Don’t leave, Kila.”
“Pakka is not pleased,” I say, rubbing my fingers against my forehead. “He tells me that they attempted a comm link with multiple Kar’Kali base locations and were unable to make contact.”
Her eyebrows crinkle together. “What does that mean?”
I shake my head. “Nothing good. The most likely explanation would be that the Azza have gained a foothold in Alliance territory. Hopefully not on Kar’Kal itself… If that is the reason, then their tech must have improved. Previously, they were unable to cloak or disrupt any of our transmissions.”
“Oh… What will you guys do?”
“Unfortunately, we can do nothing. We are regular citizens at this time,” I explain. “There may be information the Alliance does not tell us. Even though all adult Kar’Kali are considered members of the military, the Alliance does not see it this way. They have been notified that the comm links are not going through, and we must rely on them to let us know.”
Her pot starts hissing, and she turns to remove it from the heat. “I’m sorry. You must be so worried.”
“It is something we understood when we accepted these positions. We knew we would be too far from Sector 5 to be useful. They specifically chose un-mated males because they did not wish to lose a single sexually productive body. Now the flaw in that plan is clear. The result? Five un-mated males out in the farthest reach of Alliance territory with malfunctioning chips.”
“Un-mated? But I thought that you didn’t allow mating? Isn’t that the whole point of the chips?”
“Not in the traditional way, no. But we still adhere to the pairings that the Kali’Ka chooses, and the chips track that information. The male and female are notified that they need to report regularly to deposit egg and seed. It is necessary. Males don’t produce fertile seed until a pair is chosen.”
She becomes pensive as she pours the dark, almost black liquid from the top of her pot. Her lips pout out thoughtfully.
“Ah.” I smirk at her. “A viki’s face if I ever saw one.”
“I was just thinking—and hold that thought because you’re going to explain that word when I’m done talking—Anyways, I was thinking,” she repeats. “You are planning to create a hormonal booster, right? That’s what you’re hoping to create in the lab?”
I nod slowly. “Yes, perhaps. But we are exploring other potential options. Studying human male sperm… the female’s lunar cycle… among other things. But an injectable serum to improve egg production would be ideal for our females.”
“Right, but… the assumption about what’s happening between us is that we’ve been chosen as a breeding pair by the Kali’Ka, correct?” She waves her hands around frantically as she speaks. It’s endearing.
“Yes,” I shrug. “What other explanation would there be?”
She rolls her eyes up. “Sure, because it couldn’t have been my charming personality that reeled you in. Had to be the mystical planetary spirit.”
I hesitate. “Ella, I didn’t mean to offend you; I only meant—”
“Whatever,” she mutters. “Let me get to my point. If your spirit can choose me, a human, as your mate, then your project is already on track to help your planet. This, between us, is proof that human female eggs are compatible with Kali’Ka males.”
What is she suggesting? I have heard of other species stealing women to procreate, but to Kar’Kali the concept is morally reprehensible. Is this a normal occurrence on Earth?
“It’s not as if we can just bring human women to the planet and hope that a male will respond to them,” I say.
“Isn’t there some way you can purchase human eggs and co-opt them to be used by already mated Kar’Kali females? Human women already sell eggs here; there’s already a market for it,” she explains.
Human women sell eggs? This never occurred to me. On Kar’Kal, eggs are considered precious, and most females regularly attend freezing appointments to harvest as many mature ones as possible. I jolt upright and grab my tap-pad.
“Ella, this is a wonderful thought. I must tell Pakka immediately,” I say. “We can acquire samples… If we ever get in contact with the capitol’s birth center, they will likely be on board to provide Kar’Kali egg samples that we can experiment with.”
She grins wide, swelling with pride. She prepares her cup, which I realize now is the coffee she tried to tempt me with earlier in the week. The rich smell of it permeates the room. I had always associated this scent with her but did not understand the reason why. I see now that she must drink it all the time, and it is oddly satisfying to make this mental connection about her life.
“So, what, is Pakka just okay with you being here now?” she asks, craning her neck to sneak a look at my tap-pad. “You two are just … chatting like nothing happened?”
I laugh. “Okay is not the word I would choose. He is begrudgingly dealing with my insubordination. Our people do not hold grudges.”
“And what about last night? Do you regret coming here?”
Do I? I could very well have attacked her. That is what all my prior teachings about the nature of unsuppressed individuals pointed towards. She teased me about calling another man, and it filled me with fury. But I had never considered the fact that she could very well have been living with another man here when I followed her. My reckless mind did not think of it until later. And what would I have done? Would I have done something horrible? It is possible… I feel more confident in my ability to control, but there is always that chance, the fear of slipping, digging at my conscience.